Thread: fate

Unforgotten love, disappointed dreams,
and a tearful goodbye.
Tragedy is waiting

believing that fate
brought you here today.
Too young to understand that
love is just a game.
un realizing that the
excruciating pain of a thousand swords in your heart
won't last forever,

But tonight
theres no tears in your eyes,
no question in your mind,
as you walk to the place you
believe your life was meant to be taken,
next to his grave.
You will die the same way.

There is no turning back.
Nothing to go back to,
but a broken home,
and pictures that remind you
of the love you lost.

You don't care what they say
things will never get better.
No ones ever felt the same way.
No love could possibly be deeper
than your own.

The cross you wear around your neck
feels like a weight,
because your religion states
you will never reach heaven's gates,
but it doesn't matter
you'll burn eternally to be with him.

The gun you stole from your step dad
that hidden in your purse
underneath cigarettes and gum
is your only option.

As you walk into the empty graveyard
in the dead of night
theres no fear in your heart
just impatience like that of a little child
waiting for her mommy to come home.
Its the longest walk you've ever had to walk

Place a single lonely rose on his grave.
You will die the same way.
It was meant to be you're sure of it.

Your hands are soaked with sweat
Your shaking like your going to have a seizure,
but you swear to yourself your not scared

The guns in your hand.
All you have to do is move a single finger.

And just like that your life is over.
Ended the same way,
It has to be fate.

Hi un named! I think this one has a lot to say that I would want to hear, but you need to get the punctuation sorted out. As it stands, it's hard to get into the flow and the story because the spelling and punctuation distract so much. Believe me, I've been there! I've learned how important it is to make the effort to be correct with your punctuation, it's a powerful tool that can help shape exactly how you want your poem to flow. I've copied the first part to show what I mean. I don't want to discourage you, this isn't a comment on your poem itself, only the punctuation problems.

Unforgotten love, disappointed dreams,
and a tearful goodbye.
Tragedy is waiting

Believeing that fate ( no capitalization, as it is the same sentence)
brought you hear today. (here)
To young to understand that (Too)
love is just a game.
unrealizing that the ( not sure if this is proper usage, I could be mistaken)
excruciating pain of a thousand swords in your heart
won't last forever

Gumby thanks for the advice, i hadn't even realized i made any mistakes,
I think I fixed most all the spelling at spell checker.
Do you know of websites for grammer or anything like that??

There used to be a section on this site that dealt with common mistakes in grammar and punctuation, but I'm not sure where it is now. Here are a few links that may help.

http://www.writingforums.com/showthr...de-for-Writers

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/plurals.htm

http://http://correctpunctuation.explicatus.info/

This one can help you find the syllable count when you start working more in meter.

http://www.haikuwithteeth.com/index.php

Don't give up! You obviously have a love for poetry and a feel for it. I have a long ways to go myself, and have been helped a lot by different people on this forum and on the Ambiance forum.