Thread: Looking For the Right Thing Among All the Other Things

The cheese grater, a stiff
slice of Parmesan. The hand
rolled cigarette. The knobs
on the stove all turned
to off. The bottle of Budweiser,
its label corner
peeled. Your dirty
fingernails. Pistachios
in a cellophane bag, the shells
in the ashtray
overflowing. The blackening
lung. The beginning
of your end.
The ruffled skirt, the wristwatch,
and the glass mustard jar
with a butter knife stuck
in it. The Bicycle playing
cards and the yet to be
sliced baguette.

This works very well for me. I love the imagery and the cleverly hidden judgement.

This one creeps up on you like a mouse in sneakers. If you just read this without mentally questioning it, you get a laundry list of items, big deal. But, if you just ask, "why?" Why did she list those items? Then it starts to open up someone's life as viewed by an outsider.

Yeah, I liked this.

Through your word choice (poetic device) you do have the capacity to turn a list into a poem. Kudos for that display of talent that many do not possess.

People have a long way to go to equal Ernest Hemingway's "Shoes for Sale".

For sale.
Baby shoes.
Never worn.

He published it as a short story but it would probably qualify equally as a poem these days.

zoya and van thank you. I'm glad it worked for you.

Baron, that is one of my favorites. Thanks for reminding me.

Jen

Even your consistently capitalized title works for me. Which is rare. A funky read and much enjoyed.

The beginning
of your end

This stood out to me...