Thread: The CLOUD

I see a cloud full of silver light
Gliding past the moon lit sky
Does it have the energy of old
Perhaps the strength anew to try

Basked in this moonlight shadow
The cogs of motion spin around
Only to shudder and stop suddenly
No more movement not even a sound

Baked now in moonlight red
The cloud begins to seep blood
Mortally wounded it struggles to breathe
Halting in the sky over my Neighbourhood


Unable to move and not willing to try
It remains static for the whole world to see
The light that was dimmed and faded into the past
With my imagination I can make it belong to me

The energy bolted and disappeared
Never to sparkle in the night sky
It has faded into nothingness
A pleasant way of saying goodbye

This is splendid, Wacker. Before I clicked on your poem, I wondered what you were trying to convey with such a rare topic. But look at how you handled it.

My fav stanzas : 1 and 4.

"I see a cloud full of silver light
Gliding past the moon lit sky
Does it have the energy of old
Perhaps the strength anew to try"

A cloud doesn't have the "strength anew to try." A cloud is a cloud. It's a whisp that floats among the stratosphere.

What I got from this poem was a person that wishes to be free like a cloud...but is unable to do so. "Mortally wounded" or not, it doesn't make you any more like the cloud, and therefore more free.

IF this is correct, what is it exactly that makes you not free? Write a poem about that.

Reese, a cloud in poetry can be anything. Not just a cloud. It may be many things at the same time and none of those clouds. This poem is about the feeling not necessarily the cause and that's okay. Although your suggestion to Wacker is a good one for investigating in another poem.

Baked now in moonlight red

Did you mean to say "bathed" above?

"Reese, a cloud in poetry can be anything." Exactly, which is is why the poem is questionable.

Foxryder thanks for your kind words. I used my avatar (mushroom cloud) as inspiration for this poem

Reece I get what you are saying about "a cloud is just a cloud" in reality. In the depths of your imagination however, it can be anything, a living creature or just a static shadow. It is down to the reader to make up his or her own interpretation as to what they want it to be.
As for what makes me free... at the moment nothing because it relates to the sexual abuse I suffered at the hand of the clergy when I was seven years old.

Vangosear I deliberately used the word "Baked now in moonlight red" as a metaphor for burning/boiling blood.

Again thank you all for replying and I value your input... it can only add to the flavour of the poem.


wacker

Originally Posted by wacker

Foxryder thanks for your kind words. I used my avatar (mushroom cloud) as inspiration for this poem

Vangosear I deliberately used the word "Baked now in moonlight red" as a metaphor for burning/boiling blood.

I see that baked works well in light of your Foxyryder sentence above.

"In the depths of your imagination however, it can be anything, a living creature or just a static shadow. It is down to the reader to make up his or her own interpretation as to what they want it to be."

It's not about my imagination, but yours, as the author. If you want to put pen to paper, it becomes your charge to tell me how you feel, not vice versa.

I like your honesty though. That is very forthright. I cannot even begin to understand the pain you must feel...unless you tell me...