Thread: title truncated *warning, naughty words*

the kids never got me down in highschool, it was the teachers who wouldnt shut up.



I have the handwriting
of a serial killer
or so my teachers used to say.
A scrawl tailor made
for the clinically admitted.

Each word I sculpt
with the fervor
of a Picasso'd da Vinci,
the nose where
the tiny cock goes.

They said my life
could only go one way.

You get this from my handwriting,
are you kidding me?

But, I look back,
and I look forward,
thinking of a way
I could prove them wrong.

Instead I come up
with the reasons they
were right.

i like this poem, but i'm having a bit of trouble with this line

"the nose where
the tiny cock goes."

Trent, it's 6 am in the morning and you have me wide awake! As all of your poems affect me.

I love this:

A scrawl tailor made
for the clinically admitted

As to the point Svir made. You could reverse it. That would be very interesting!

Gritty poem. I liked it! Laurie

Originally Posted by Galivanting

I have the handwriting
of a serial killer

I like it G. You got me interested right away and never let me down.

I like it Trent. Like van says, the first line captures right away.

I have the handwriting
of a serial killer

But, what I want to know... do you go by your full name like they say serial killers do?

Serial killer or physician? No matter, they both engage in the same activity in my opinion. Your breaks are delightful, as is the piece as a whole. True you, G, and truly enjoyed.

Oh come on... you know this is too heavy handed already.

I have the handwriting
of a serial killer
or so my teachers used to say. (I don't know that I buy this. Maybe they do things differently down south, but here there is no way a teacher would get away with such an un PC statement)
A scrawl tailor made
for the clinically admitted. (what's a stronger term for 'clinically admitted'? although in this style language it might work better, sort of the Hannibal style calm)

Each word I sculpt
with the fervor
of a Picasso'd da Vinci,
the nose where
the tiny cock goes. (this stanza is fucking excellent)

They said my life
could only go one way. (you could end it here.. stronger and leave us to speculate which way it did go...)

You get this from my handwriting,
are you kidding me? (you don't need this. it's the weakest stanza of what is here.)

But, I look back,
and I look forward,
thinking of a way
I could prove them wrong.

Instead I come up
with the reasons they
were right. (last two stanzas are unnecessary. they are giving it all away, too much, too easy. this poem is thriving on the tension you set up and in the end, especially with these last two stanzas, you are deflating that tension. the mere idea that you are reflecting on this, makes it sound as though you are more sane than you would lead us to believe, which is why I suggested ending it where I did.)

It's always good to read you. You're a good writer. Strong piece.

Jen

Excellent poem. I like it a lot. I read it forward and backwards, and it reads just the same.

I am looking forward to reading more.

svir not sure what to say, whats making you not like those lines

laurie, six am, lord help you... glad you liked it... reversing it would be interesting..thank ya

vangogh, funny story, when i first met you i thought your name was vangogh sear not vangogh's ear... thank you for commenting.. glad you liked it

gumby, cause its awesome, i go by trent with people who know me and wallace trent when they dont.. just seems better to be formal with strangers

lisa, thanks a bunch, im glad you approve of the breaks. youre generally the one who ends up helping me with em\

jen, the south 10 years ago. also hannibal happens to fit. you are right as usual about cutting me off half way through. been a while since ive had your input. which brings to question, why am i so graced with your presence? pm me if you care to answer that....

reese, thank you. if you want to read more youre better suited in look at what ive posted before this than what will come after, my writing has slowed down a lot thanks to a new job so they only trickle.

I don't mean that I dislike those lines, but I don't understand what they mean. Maybe I'm just really missing the point...