Thread: Blood Between My Teeth

Hey guys, I haven't been on this site in almost four years but I think I'm more than ready to come back to my true love hahaha. I've been itching to write lately and I think this is a good place to start again.
This piece just came to me and it's far from done, definitely apart of a larger whole but it needs something. Maybe you can help me figure it out?? I appreciate any constructive criticism, I've been away for a while and I could use some help.



Two and a half long nights, I spent in the demon's lair.

In a thick cloak of darkness, upon sneaking out
I woke the beast.

Time slipped away.
For days it seemed,
tirelessly he battled me.

When will I learn to arrive with better armor,
to bear my sharpest sword?

Hi, aly. Welcome back! The main question I have concerning your poem is what the subject is in "the demon's lair". I would say that you need "persona" here. You have strong images to work with which is a great start. I think a poem very worthy of a re-write. I'd be real curious to see the outcome! And just a suggestion. I'd break up the lines a bit differently. Thanks for the read! Laurie

Two and a half long nights,
I spent in the demon's lair.

In a thick cloak of darkness,
upon sneaking out
I woke the beast.

Time slipped away.
For days it seemed,
tirelessly he battled me.

When will I learn
to arrive with better armor,
to bear my sharpest sword?