Thread: I PLEDGE YOU MY SOUL

Just a foreword to let you know that this is only a first draft. I would like to hear your opinions/ critiques and suggestions as to the poem and the title.



I PLEDGE YOU MY SOUL




I sacrifice my soul to the devil, so humanity may be free to reign,
Bearing that in mind I prepare to leave, my head hanging in shame .
The world would of been his to take, had I not pledged him my soul,
Now I go willingly to my death knowing I have achieved my goal.


Let my blood act as tears, washing away your pain,
Only in death can I truly be free to see you all again.
So be happy and remember the good times we all shared
Most importantly know how much I really cared.


As I pledged him my soul your face came to my mind,
For you are its true keeper, warm hearthed and very kind.
When you won my heart, I pledged my soul to you not so long ago,
You have it all, but the devil does not know.


When he discovers I don't belong to him, how angry will he be?
A deal was made so humanity has won this short victory.
Only upon my death could I make him leave the world alone,
Now live your life without fear of the devil entering your home.

Hi wacker, this poem has some very nice deep feeling behind it. This is just my opinion, but I think it would benefit from shorter lines. To me, some of the feeling gets lost in the longer lines here. Ending on a strong word or image, lets the reader feel it more deeply. As I said, this is only my opinion for what it's worth.

Thanks Gumby for your reply and your opinion, it is very much appreciated. I was thinking along those lines myself i.e. shorter lines.
The overall content of the poem is battling with evil. As I have already pledged my soul, I have cheated the devil out of it.
I am also trying to delve deep into my thoughts, dreams and my imagination as to what content I can add to the poem... just to give it that little extra pasazz.

Again as I have said this is only a first draft. Every bit of critique/opinion and suggestion are all welcome. The more feed back I have the bigger the picture I can view, thus giving me a wealth of knowledge and imagery to add to the poem.

Thanks again for your imput Gumby.

wacker