Thread: Drive

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OMG Gumby !

Stunning Darlin, and so much more

Damn fine write ! We'll talk about the next level when I quit being amazed ok ?

Cindy, do I know this poem! Raised by a father who was a biggot. Fortunately, I failed every lesson he taught me.

She was well into her fifties,
when daddy ran her down
on the road to enlightenment.

What a clever introduction. At first one assumes daddy ran her down with a car. Then surprise. It all has to do with the way you brilliantly broke up the lines.

they were hidden
by the forest of family trees.

Forset of family trees. Cleverness at its best!

Daddy always taught us, when you're driving
you don't swerve for a rabbit in the road.

The Kicker.

Cindy, I relate to this poem very strongly. Your imagery is excellent, as usual.
All I can say is "What a poem! And did our fathers go to the same school together?"

Maggie, thank you. I look forward to any further input you may have.

Laurie, glad you failed those bigotry lessons. I failed too. Sometimes the past comes back to bite you. Thanks for the read and sweet comments.

Originally Posted by Gumby

Driver's Ed 101


She was well into her fifties,
when daddy ran her down
on the road to enlightenment.
Eighteen wheels of bigotry, ( Darlin this comma I don't think is necessary. I am not sure I would want to slam "bigotry" so soon into people's minds. Might I suggest something ?

Eighteen wheels, hidebound ramming )

never leaves a pretty roadkill.

There had been signs along the way
of course, but they were hidden
by the forest of family trees. ( Love " family trees " )

Sounds of daddy, raging at the televison
as Dr. King marched into history,
blended with the aroma
of mama's fried chicken in the kitchen. ( For me Hun , this is the weakest stanza. Trust me we get it without the mention of Dr. King. Maybe more explanation to exactly what the dad was saying )

Every Sunday, the straight and narrow
road to heaven; singing-
Jesus loves the little children
all the children of the world...
in the little white church- inside and out. ( Now I find this stanza exceptional ! It is subtle, and yet clear. )

“Of course you're welcome at the family reunion,
it's been sixty years for the folks now,
but, about your grandson, sis...”

No niggers in the family photos, even if they are blood.

Daddy always taught us, when you're driving
you don't swerve for a rabbit in the road.

( And that ending is the great punch in the stomach this subject requires. )

Damn Good Stuff !

Hey Maggie, thanks for coming back to this one. You've given me some good points to ponder.

The stanza with Dr. King in it wasn't meant as a hint or anything else like that, it was actually supposed to be a recital of the facts, so to speak. Daddy actually ranted while watching the marches, sadly. I thought that by pairing it with such a homey thing as mama's chicken, people could see how insidious this kind of prejudice is, and how it seems ordinary, even mundane to a kid. Though I do see what you're getting at. I had originally intended to quote some of daddy's rants, but didn't want to dilute the one line of racial bigotry in this piece by repeating some of the horrible rhetoric. Hmmmm, now you've got my little brain gnawing on this again. Thanks so much for your suggestions, Maggie! And for lending me your eyes here.

This is one of those where you hope it isn't true but have a feeling it is. I basically enjoyed it as is, especially the 'forest of family trees'. I hope 'sis' told him where to stick the family photos.

I love the juxtaposition of mama cooking fried chicken in the kitchen while daddy ranted. I was thinking though that it was mama who had been finally overcome by bigotry and the introduction of sis later on confused me for a minute.

Thanks J.R. and yes, sis did say something like that.

Drew, I had played around with stanza placement a little bit before posting and may well switch things a bit. I'll have to gain a little distance from this one, then come back to it later. Thank you for your suggestions, they're always appreciated.

Hello braidjen, I guess some southern women do call their husbands 'daddy' I hadn't thought of that angle on this one. Thanks for the read and your comments, they are much appreciated.

Kudos, Cindy. A very deep message delivered sans preachiness which makes it monumentally moving. Shared blood is still red no matter how it's packaged, I hope most decided to boycott that reunion. Loved "forest of family trees" and "little white church - both inside and out". My only nit is the "a" in front of pretty roadkill, I don't think it's necessary. I commend you for your bravery in sharing this. I would love to say much enjoyed, but in this instance I believe much disgruntled is a better fit.

Edit - I forgot to mention that when I read the title I thought oh goody, a fun piece. Surprise!