Thread: I'm sorry.

I feel like I have you in my arms
only to push you away.
Am I putting you in a choke hold?
Am I squeezing your ability to breathe?

Tell me so.
Because you're so distant.
You feel cold towards me...
Or am I just paranoid?

I'm in my mind's arms
only to be pushed away.
Thoughts of you put me in a choke hold,
and squeeze away my ability to breathe.

I wish I could tell you so.
I don't want you to be distant.
I don't want you to be cold.
I'm on my knees.

I know I'm too demanding,
but right now I'm pleading.
I feel like some sort of vampire
draining you for your attention and love.

I absorb what little time I have with you.
I'm starved of your presence
and when you're gone,
I feel like I'm disintegrating in the sun.

Hi, Seven. Your poem gets across "desperation" extreemely well.
A remarkably sensitive poem!

These are the lines I liked, especially:

Thoughts of you put me in a choke hold,

and when you're gone,
I feel like I'm disintegrating in the sun.

My advice would be to cut out some of the repetition pertaining to the loss and flavor up a bit. I hope you don't mind me taking the liberty with the following and then suggest you thinking about figuring it in throughout. Just a suggestion.

Tell me so.
It's as if your miles away.
I can feel your freeze from here
Or am I just worried?

A very good poem worthy of some editing. Laurie

I think I'm going to leave it as it is. Thanks for the advice, though. I feel that "Paranoid" ties in very well with the stanza following it. Since paranoia is more of an... Extreme sense of worry or fear. However, I will think of the two other lines... However, I think the way it was penned ties in very well with each other. I don't think I'd want to change a thing.

"Paranoid" is a very strong emotion and by all means keep in and all in as well. A good piece of writing and I'll say it again. One of the most sensistive poems I've read, here! Please keep at it and sending in more! Laurie

hehe~ Thank you very much.