Thread: the old woman, the songbirds and the cat

the old woman, the songbirds and the cat

why the old woman
sewed the two songbirds
inside her dead cat
was a mystery.

tall foreheads
hearing the plaintive pluck
of beaked violin strings
were duly furrowed and rubbed

experts were called
the vet, the taxidermist
the piano tuner
surrounded the feline

gleaming instruments
angled for incision
when from the pussy's pussy
fresh as a new morning
the first glorious strains
of Beethoven's Ode to Joy
in chirps and bowed sibilance
issued forth
staying all hands to stillness
while the old woman
softly sang along.

Dear God this is funny J.R.! Very imaginative and captured me from beginning to end. Bravo!

Nice! Quite hysterical...good job, sir!

"why the old woman
sewed the two songbirds
inside the dead cat
was a mystery." - Alright, you now have my full attention. Great opening.

"tall foreheads
hearing the plaintive pluck
of beaked violin strings
were duly furrowed and rubbed" - I read this many times before I understood it. When I did I thought it sounded excellent.

"the piano tuner" - Even the piano tuner. Outstanding.

"when from the pussy's pussy" - This line bothered me. Not because I think it vulgar, but the repetition I think. Maybe something like, when born from the pussy. Maybe not.

I adore the ending. It is both nonchalant and glorious. Truly a fine read here.

Heh. This is pretty strange, man. I've been trying to see if there is some metaphor, but I'm coming up empty. It's interesting what people find funny - I would say it left me feeling amused -- but curious, more than anything else, as to how you would come up with such a thing. I think the picture it paints and the sounds I imagine are what makes it oddly compelling. Very imaginative, indeed. Nicely done!

J.R., I'm very drawn to this poem. In fact, I've read it a few times on different days, each time aiming to get a fresh perpective. Exclusively humerous? No. Now you might think I'm insane if I'm off the mark but that's OK, I am.

I see the cat being representative of a womb and that a C-section is being performed:

gleaming instruments
angled for incision
when from the pussy's pussy

I interpret this as a re-birth as sorts:

fresh as a new morning
the first glorious strains
of Beethoven's Ode to Joy
in chirps and bowed sibilance
issued forth

Regardless, it was so well written. Another reason I kept going back to it.
Delightfully intriguing. Laurie

gumby, red venus: Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed it.

WRS: quite vulgar, but wtf, it is only poetry. "nonchalant and glorious" thanks that makes my day.

JB: "oddly compelling" describes the experience of writing it pretty well too. Thanks for reading.

Laurie: The other morning, half asleep, hearing the songbirds outside my window, I got this image of an old lady sewing a pair of them into her dead cat. It was so 'oddly compelling' that I decide to write it and see where it took us. If there is a theme, I think it is that wisdom sometimes looks bonkers. The 'high foreheads' are perplexed and want to dissect, but the old woman somehow knew that, as you said, a type of rebirth was going to happen.
cheers
J.R.

And "cheers" to your morning mind! Laurie

Hey Drew thanks for the read and the suggestions. I have made it 'her' cat for the reason you gave. I'm keeping the 'and rubbed' cause I like the little extra element of the ridiculous it adds. Likewise, changing the s3 mini list as you suggest would, I think, sap some of the humour from the piece. Punctuation for me is simply a guide to how I feel the poem should be read, particularly aloud, so I reckon I'm a somewheres and sometimes kind of guy.

Whimsical. I think you came up with an extremely original little story here. It's quite silly and very well done. I love you use of meiosis throughout.

I absolutely adore this. A million gold stars for originality, I doubt any of us will ever read another piece with the same theme. The switch to her cat makes it all the more creepy. Your use of Ode to Joy was extra yummy for me. Of my four kids, I have a violinist, a guitarist and a flautist. Ode to Joy is one of the first pieces they are taught and I've heard it hundreds of times, but never from that particular part of a dead cat. Freaking priceless and had me rolling. Great imagery with the head scratching congregation, loved that, too. Thanks so much for sharing this J.R., as crappy as I've been feeling, the smile and subsequent belly laugh was some great medicine.

Best,
Lisa

This may sound odd ( not that I haven't done that before lol ) but I watched a movie last night called " Little Ashes " about Dali, and Lorca. I can imagine this poem as a Dali painting in bright vivid colors to go with the striking images.

gleaming instruments
angled for incision

Svir: Thanks for the read and comment. "Silly" is a very apt descriptive here.

Lisa: Thanks and congrats on your musical family. I try to sit down once a year or so and listen to Beethoven's Ninth. It is sooo magnificent. My kids love music but none of us are really players. It must be great to have music in your house all the time.

Maggie: Yes! The scene would lend itself to painting, and might be more telling than a poem. It would particularly be fun to see the expression on the faces of the men and the old woman. The cat's countenance would be of the utmost serenity...

First off, the originality is what really shines here, and it does, on first reading, make up for any shortcomings of the poem. It is surreal enough to be both acceptable and nonsensical; the use of the latter can be taken to mean beyond sense rather than without sense. It doesn't push the boundary too far, because it doesn't try to explain, or to be fantastical for the sake of being fantastical.

The voice, in as much as how the story unfolds, is good, and suits the mood very well. You have written it with minimal punctuation, and for me that could be a slight stumbling block for some readers, as the construction is different. This has excellent flow, but only if you follow it well. Maybe by allowing punctuation to take a role, you might make it instantly accessible to some who otherwise may struggle to get the flow. Because the impact of the originality is much of the attraction of the piece, a second reading doesn't have that initial surprise.

Also, I must admit that I felt let down by "Pussy's pussy". Given the strong imagery and the well considered tale, I think you could have come up with something a little more strong. It's not the coarseness that offends me, more that it's a "simple" solution in a poem that calls for so much better!

That said, I do like this a lot.

Thanks Pete. Your appreciation is appreciated. I like the way you keep the reader's experience in mind throughout. I'm afraid I'm stuck with pussy's pussy unless something better is suggested or suggests itself. I think it suits and even highlights the overall tone of the poem.