Thread: Notes From The Homeland of Beautiful Beasts ( The Boot Soul )

( ok... This is a rough draft. Sooooooo let the knuckle cracking begin ! Pete-C Where are you ? *grins* )

"If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles." - Walt Whitman " Song of Myself "

Yes... a boot soul.
Never thin strappy arrangements to dangle idly,
to tame the stride of weather-worn grit.
A thicker hide is set

to tie up those delicacies of civilized
step, and fetch; a prance,
while madmen jump with joy
into the muddy excursions.

Sing the hymn... of boot soul.
Worn cut husk of human
elements tromping elements
that stomp upon the foot of it all.

This soul is a sole,
and it's tread, it's scud elevates
from the hot hard cement
poured daily in sink holes.

Give praise to the boot soul
with its brogans of cliched cover.
Leather, no longer harnessing taws,
but an evangelical mother of fiercly tanned hide

who never confides her shielded direction;
Sweet grass to soften, to trip over
for a simple resurrection... of the boot soul.
It is a thousand acres rarely walked upon.

More so just a faith
to wonder about, to reckon,
as she dances its revelations deep
in the ball of traverse, and cadence.

Maggie, your work always has an "earthy" quality and especially here. Your language, beautifully husky.

Two examples of many:

My favorite

to tie up those delicacies of civilized
step, and fetch; a prance,
while madmen jump with joy
into the muddy excursions.

Great alliteration

This soul is a sole,
and it's tread, it's scud elevates
from the hot hard cement
poured daily in sink holes.

Thanks for a great read. Laurie

I think I like this best of what I've read of your stuff. It seems like you put a lot of thought into how it sounds and what words you chose. I'm not such a fan of a lot of the poetry I read that seems rather artless, and more like chopped up prose, even if I relate to what's being expressed.

To me this seems to be about being grounded (literally and figuratively) and appreciating th simple things on which you can rely.

I think SliverMoon's assessment of your work as "earthy" is right on. Although I don't think I could have come up with that.

I like this quite a bit. Good job.

Originally Posted by SilverMoon

Maggie, your work always has an "earthy" quality and especially here. Your language, beautifully husky.

Two examples of many:

My favorite


Great alliteration


Thanks for a great read. Laurie

It's funny... One of the best ( at least for me personally ) compliments I've ever received touched on the same thing you said here. It was given after one of my very rare public readings. " Your voice is gritty farmland, and your poetry echoes that. " " Notes From the Homeland of Beautiful Beasts " is a book based on that "earthy" foundation I was planted in. I am glad this excerpt is holding true to that overall mentality.

Thanks very much Hun

Rough, my ass, Maggie, this is smooth as silk and its' sounds slide along like the rustle of same. I'm an aural quality addict and this was practically an overdose which means I've been satisfactorily sated. I was particularly smitten with stanzas 4 and 5, wonderful stuff. No nits, not a one. As to your voice, I'm glad to learn its prevalent earthiness is truly an extension of you, it explains why your poetry is so damn beautiful. Kudos, love.

Originally Posted by JosephB

I think I like this best of what I've read of your stuff. It seems like you put a lot of thought into how it sounds and what words you chose. I'm not such a fan of a lot of the poetry I read that seems rather artless, and more like chopped up prose, even if I relate to what's being expressed.

To me this seems to be about being grounded (literally and figuratively) and appreciating th simple things on which you can rely.

I think SliverMoon's assessment of your work as "earthy" is right on. Although I don't think I could have come up with that.

I like this quite a bit. Good job.

Joseph

When I was re-reading Whitman I paid particular attention to what I termed before here as "audio-atmosphere" . "Song of Myself" sounds like footsteps for me, a determined pace, the steady tempo of rise, and fall. I think that played just as much into the inspiration as the quote. The cadence of someone's walk echoes a persons "soul" as much as their voice, mannerisms, ideas, and emotions. I hoped I could capture the walk of the people I grew up with as much as my own in this. I am glad you heard mine, and their " spirited " prints.

Thanks much Hun

I'm late to the party here, but still had to chime in with my two cents. This is so rich and full Maggie, I just love it! Two of my favorite stanza's

Yes... a boot soul.
Never thin strappy arrangements to dangle idly,
to tame the stride of weather-worn grit.
A thicker hide is set

who never confides her shielded direction;
Sweet grass to soften, to trip over
for a simple resurrection... of the boot soul.
It is a thousand acres rarely walked upon.

- This one strikes me as simply beautiful.

Really good work Maggie!

Originally Posted by iDrew

Really like this honey.

It feels all there but maybe some small attentions needed in the direction of sentence construction and punctuation:

A thicker hide is set

Seems like a complete statement, so the enjambment to the next stanza doesn’t feel right, maybe just a comma there could sort it, and yet you abandon this little boldness at the end of a stanza device (which I actually quite like), with ‘This soul is sole’ and ‘More so just a faith’ I guess in favour of keeping to four lines, which seems a pity.

Not really getting S2 L2/3.

Excellent stuff


xDrew

Honestly Hun you have me a little confused about which stanza "device" you are referring to, not to mention you have peeked my interest with the statement. lol Shoot me a pm please with a little more detail. I am very interested in your thoughts.

As far as

step, and fetch; a prance,
while madmen jump with joy

?

It is a direct reference to Whitman himself, as well as that of many I grew up with. ( including my father ) "Civilized" among many has more to do with conformity than anything , "step, and fetch" while those "madmen" ( as Whitman was often called ) are not so interested in the ability to fold one's napkin properly. Ie - My father ( before he passed ) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. All of us tried to console a man that was well aware what was going to happen to his mind, to little avail. It took my teenage autistic son to come in , smack him on the back, and announce " Don't you worry Pappa ! In this family we don't hide our Fruit loops. We take'em out for pizza ! " for him to abandon the"conformist" mentality. and frankly embrace the"insanity" that was to come. Da always told me when I was young, " Everybody has a cross to bear. " That is something about the " beasts of my homeland " I have always admired.

They bear their crosses well A tribute to their "boot-souls"

Thanks much Hun

Originally Posted by ChestersDaughter

Rough, my ass, Maggie, this is smooth as silk and its' sounds slide along like the rustle of same. I'm an aural quality addict and this was practically an overdose which means I've been satisfactorily sated. I was particularly smitten with stanzas 4 and 5, wonderful stuff. No nits, not a one. As to your voice, I'm glad to learn its prevalent earthiness is truly an extension of you, it explains why your poetry is so damn beautiful. Kudos, love.

Awwww Darlin

Much appreciated. This one for the most part wrote itself. How could it not with Whitman peeking over my shoulder ? Tell you a secret *grins* I am 5 foot 10, about 155 lbs , with dark hair, and dark eyes. I always felt like a female Paul Bunyon ! lol My father used to tell me I sprang from the Earth itself, fully realized. All I needed was to be cultivated properly ! lol ( Lovely way of saying I just required the right fertilizer huh ? lol )

Your eyes are always welcome Hun

Originally Posted by Gumby

I'm late to the party here, but still had to chime in with my two cents. This is so rich and full Maggie, I just love it! Two of my favorite stanza's



- This one strikes me as simply beautiful.

Really good work Maggie!

Thank you much Gumby I wondered if that second stanza you quoted would work. It is not a case of "boot-souls" not wanting something soft in their lives. It is simply not the soft many consider. I thank you again for your read Hun

I'm glad you can still work with someone peeking over your shoulder, even if only a ghost. I'd evacuate the state if I could, I need to be alone, and God help you if you interrupt me. I'm sure Mr. Whitman smiled and nodded upon completion of this piece. There's nothing better than a lass with a little mass, I say. You lucky girl, I'm all of five feet and had to develop the personality of a chihuahua to keep bullies at bay. The image of you springing from the earth fully grown is one I doubt I'll forget. As for cultivation, with the spirit you've exhibited, I believe you could have been planted in concrete and deprived of everything, and still you would have blossomed. Anyhow, I just dropped by to read your piece again, it's grown on me (get it), and felt your reply to me deserved acknowledgment. Even your freaking prose is engaging, love.

This marches proudly on its boot soles in places, but in others it tiptoes around and at times it precariously totters towards the edge. It reads a bit like Patchen in places, and much as I like old Kenneth, I don't think it works for the mood you're trying to create. If this were mine, I'd also have serious debate with myself over the whole sole/soul thing. I think most people will be able to work out the duality, and for me (it might just be me), the use of soul was like underlining something I could already see! I found it mildly irritating.

Now, back to the actual content. I think at times there are elements that are redundant, and whilst you might have added them to complete some sort of format, for me they were unnecessary baggage that slowed the poem down. A great example is line 2 of stanza 1. For me, it was just a bit of puff that detracted from the image. Yes, we have boot soles, and yes, I know what a boot is. I don't need to be told that it's not a strappy arrangement. It's a bit like writing a poem about a dog, and saying "my big dog, neither cat nor badger is he...". For me, redundancy only works if it endorses something by adding a layer, and this doesn't. Oh, and I didn't like the Yes... at the beginning. For me, if this read: "A boot sole, to tame the stride of weather-worn grit. A thicker hide is set..." it has more power, more impact.

Then it all goes a bit "beat" on us with "Sing the hymn... of boot soul." For me, this line and the others of its ilk are distractions. It's all a bit stylised and very Patchen (and I appreciate that you may also be trying to reflect some of the Whitman uplifting style, but I'm not sure it's needed when the other parts are so strong).

With judicious use of red pen and with stout heart, you could extract from this a very telling and robust piece of work. At the moment I think it is a little confused, with some elaborations that don't add enough to justify their inclusion.

Originally Posted by iDrew

I’ll see if I can try and explain what I meant a bit better. My fault, I didn’t do a very good job, and I think by using the word ‘device’ only added to confusion.

Yes... a boot soul.
Never thin strappy arrangements to dangle idly,
to tame the stride of weather-worn grit.
A thicker hide is set.

With which to tie up those delicacies of civilized

I just felt that by making L4 a short punchy sentence of its own adds a bit more assertiveness.

Similarly

Sing the hymn... of boot soul.
Worn cut husk of human
elements tromping elements
that stomp upon the foot of it all.
This soul is a sole.

It's tread, it's scud elevates
from the hot hard cement
poured daily in sink holes.


Hope that helps a bit.


xDrew

Aha! Now I get it Darlin ! and You make a very good point here. After reading your further explanation, and Pete's take I am inclined to agree that one of the things I need to work on in this is a restructuring of the piece. Those small sentences were quite impactful when I re-read them, and I lost that in the shuffle for the sake of structure. Excellent observations ! Thank you

Originally Posted by Pete_C

This marches proudly on its boot soles in places, but in others it tiptoes around and at times it precariously totters towards the edge. It reads a bit like Patchen in places, and much as I like old Kenneth, I don't think it works for the mood you're trying to create. If this were mine, I'd also have serious debate with myself over the whole sole/soul thing. I think most people will be able to work out the duality, and for me (it might just be me), the use of soul was like underlining something I could already see! I found it mildly irritating.

( I very much get what you are saying here Pete. I too wondered if this piece might be a tad too "dumbed down". I decided to lean into " the direct approach " more so because of the subject matter than anything. Let's say it suits the "character" of the piece. You have my mind tinkering with different approaches now.)

Now, back to the actual content. I think at times there are elements that are redundant, and whilst you might have added them to complete some sort of format, for me they were unnecessary baggage that slowed the poem down. A great example is line 2 of stanza 1. For me, it was just a bit of puff that detracted from the image. Yes, we have boot soles, and yes, I know what a boot is. I don't need to be told that it's not a strappy arrangement. It's a bit like writing a poem about a dog, and saying "my big dog, neither cat nor badger is he...". For me, redundancy only works if it endorses something by adding a layer, and this doesn't. Oh, and I didn't like the Yes... at the beginning. For me, if this read: "A boot sole, to tame the stride of weather-worn grit. A thicker hide is set..." it has more power, more impact.

( Yeah... Definitely Drew mentioned the loss of impact due to structuring as well. A "trimming" would work here also, and I think that would actually lend itself well to the rural, grounded , mentality of this piece. Thank you )

Then it all goes a bit "beat" on us with "Sing the hymn... of boot soul." For me, this line and the others of its ilk are distractions. It's all a bit stylised and very Patchen (and I appreciate that you may also be trying to reflect some of the Whitman uplifting style, but I'm not sure it's needed when the other parts are so strong).

( Truth ? You have so busted me weakly attempting to rip off Whitman ! LOL I am happily taking my licks on that one ! )

With judicious use of red pen and with stout heart, you could extract from this a very telling and robust piece of work. At the moment I think it is a little confused, with some elaborations that don't add enough to justify their inclusion.

( Robust,,, exactly good word )

Pete it is always a pleasure to hear your opinions, and I suspect you will be leaning over my other shoulder as I take a second round on this. Much appreciated