Thread: Idol

because I do not have the faith to reach to the heavens
hold me, here and now, in all your pulsating reality

powerful, as you lift me in your arms,
and draw my eyes towards yours.
Aether, as you paint heaven for me.

linger for a while,
because I do not have the serenity to meditate
only a head crammed full of crumpled bits of paper,
and loosening cords to places and faces,
hopes and desires discarded on a bedroom floor.

oh lest we forget,
that we are all in our own caged consciousness
the darkened night time mocks us

and suddenly you do not feel so warm.

linger for a while,
because I do not have the serenity to meditate
only a head crammed full of crumpled bits of paper,
and loosening cords to places and faces,
hopes and desires discarded on a bedroom floor.

Best part for me. I really like that imagery. The rest seems a bit pedestrian, but okay.

Originally Posted by chez1710

because I do not have the faith to reach to the heavens
hold me, here and now, in all your pulsating reality

powerful, as you lift me in your arms,
and draw my eyes towards yours.
a demi-God, as you paint heaven for me.

linger for a while,
because I do not have the serenity to meditate
only a head crammed full of crumpled bits of paper,
and loosening cords to places and faces,
hopes and desires discarded on a bedroom floor.

oh lest we forget,
that we are all in our own caged consciousness
the darkened night time mocks us

and suddenly you do not feel so warm.

I love the ending with one exception. The word "warm" doesn't seem to apply to idols for me. Although you make your point here, it seems slightly askew. Can't explain it any better than that at the moment. I will have to come back to this one again

An idol is not warm in my head. It fits the symbolism perfectly...

I would omit "a demi-God"

Really nice and powerful piece. Much enjoyed.

LOL ! Good Lord I feel like an idiot ! This flew right over my head. ( That's what I get for trying to read and break up two fighting dogs ) My apologies. When I read Martin's post a light finally went off . lol

Putting "Idol" in the proper context now, I understand. But Hun I still have to say it is just a tad too obscure for me. I personally would like to see a little more ( very sparingly so it is not overkill ) alluding to the "idol".

Hopefully that makes better sense now ? I personally think with some tightening this would be exceptional

I've read through this several times, and I really do love it. The ending is just perfect. Well done chez!

I have to say I agree with the above comments, that it is well worth the read.

As stated above about the word "warm" seemed to fit the context of the poem. But unfortunately it didn't seem to give off that much of a glow. It somehow cast a bit of a shadow (perhaps that was the effect you were hoping for?) and deflected the rest of the imagery from its intended meaning.

All the same I enjoyed this piece and look forward to reading more of your work

wacker