A Little Less Absurd

**Crash_Tomas** · 05-21-2010, 05:43 AM

“Do you even care?” -- Nobody told me to.
(She Sits Back in Her chair)
“Someone else will take care of it.” …Commonly.

“Welcome to the Real World.” -- This isn’t real at all.
(She Takes a new Perspective)
“And you won’t be remembered.” … I Don’t need to be.

“Just Finish it By Yourself.” -- I don’t want to do it without you.
(She Doesn’t speak at first)
“It’s Probably Possible.” …Maybe.

**Dzhyan** · 05-21-2010, 11:48 AM

Beautiful! From arrogant active indifference, to cynical self-denying pessimism, to fear of disattachment and uncertainty, with a perfect ending of wavering doubt with overtones of threat of the future... love it!

**JosephB** · 05-21-2010, 01:04 PM

Well, I can't top that crit. All that, huh?

I will say I like it much better than the last -- that was a a little too oblique for me.

Good job.

**Crash_Tomas** · 05-21-2010, 11:20 PM

Thanks. =)

**vangoghsear** · 05-22-2010, 01:05 AM

There is an interesting thread of consciousness that runs through this that is pretty well described by Dzhyan (I think I'm gonna call him Dz for short).

**MaggieG** · 05-22-2010, 02:10 AM

Originally Posted by Crash_Tomas

“Do you even care?” -- Nobody told me to.
(She Sits Back in Her chair)
“Someone else will take care of it.” …Commonly.

( Commonly says so much, not the way you want them to, in an uncaring manner. Good good word there. )

“Welcome to the Real World.” -- This isn’t real at all.
(The dream takes hold)
“And you won’t be remembered.” … I Don’t need to be.

( Darlin I hated the line ," (The dream takes hold)" It was just a big ole killjoy right in the middle of a good piece of work )

“Just Finish it By Yourself.” -- I don’t want to do it without you.
(She Doesn’t speak at first)
“It’s Probably Possible.” …Maybe.

( That ending was excellent. It is flirty , with the speakers, and the possibilities. Much enjoyed )