Thread: Clorophyll

Leaves shiver
like flickering candles
before the falling.

Autumn gives no mercy
for verdant clothed trees;
soon naked, wrinkled.

Heart shaped woodland petals
lay on ground, lolling.

I gather the resplendent, less worn,
for pressing in my pages.

Once flattened,
I examine various veins
spreading in all directions.

And marvel at the different hues,
crimson, brown, yellow;
a touch of green.

Green, still alive,
amid colorful death
surrounding one live complexion.

I brush them with a thin shellac
for preservation to mark yellowed pages.

Each time I open my book to read
beneath the lamplight’s orange glow,
I leave a leaf on the table,
then retrieve it for study
while the page waits.

Pondering nature,
change of face each season,

Then return to Thoreau
and his beginning passage,

“Pray to earth does this sweet cold belong,..."

I love the opening lines Laurie, I could just see the leaves flicker! The image was very alive for me.

This works very well also. Good image.

Green, still alive,
amid colorful death
surrounding one live complexion.

You captured the feel of Autumn here Laurie.

Thanks, Cindy!

I intentionally wanted to present the contrast. Cold/Hot. Shiver in the cold. Then the flame.

Leaves shiver
like some flickering candle flame
before the falling.

You took to my favorite lines. Thanks, again. Laurie

There are so many lines in this that struck my attention

This one first -

I gather the resplendent, less worn,
for the pressing in my pages.

I love how it speaks to the whimsical "nature" of human beings that less worn tends to attract our eye.

colorful death

I love that expression. Those two little words bumped up against each other make me want to hear more about these deaths.

This -

Once flattened,
I examine various veins
spreading in all directions.

has interesting connotations as well. How we are better at "examining" things from a distance if you will. ( the whole forest, and the trees thingie lol )

while the page waits.

Lovely ending to that sentence !


Much enjoyed the read this morning Hun

Thanks, Maggie. You're a splendid observer and writer. So, I am quite pleased with what you had to say! Laurie

i have nothing.
i love this.
i have nothing.
i love this.

not even a punctuation quibble from me. well done.

I have this.
I have that.
I have...Thank You!

You already know how lovely I think this piece is. You've done autumn a great justice. Upon reading again, something nagged at me a bit. I once went through a phase of hating the word "the" and every once in a while it rears its ugly head. I think, and mind you, this only my opinion, that there maybe too many here. I would remove them before the following words: falling, pressing, and possibly before "different hues" that one is really alright either way. I think that you need a the before table. There are many lines in this piece as brilliant as autumn leaves in New England, wonderful job, Laurie.

Truly wonderful... It captures for me the mystic childlike investigation and mature study of nature.. I'd recited there are a few interruption of flow between otherwise excellent free rythm, but I won't bother you with it because I like this too much. I would like to share an interpretation of a part, the ninth stanza: the three sentences (leave a leaf, retrieve it, while waits) have a to, from, to 'pendulant' flow that for me gives a visualization of the leaf basking in the glow, being called up into the air, and sinking into the patient quiet book, merging with it and adding to the nature within it's pages.. Wonderful.

Very nice nature sketch. No quibbles from me.

Thanks Lisa. "The" was all over the place upon second look. Took most down. Works better. "As brilliant as autumn leaves in New England" Thanks for this gem! Laurie

Dzhyan, what an eloquent review! It might read better than my poem. And I like your interpretation very much.
Thank you. Laurie

van, no quibbles from you makes for a fine day! Thank you!

Laurie, I like this piece.

First off, I've accidentally stolen that first imagery of yours. If you read my recent ~~~ poem you'll notice. I can assure you it was not intentional, but let's just say it's a way of complimenting each other, eh

In your first stanza still, the shift from plural to singular in the two first lines, I think should be avoided. "Like flickering candles" would suffice for me.

Second stanza, two last lines could be merged; "soon naked and wrinkled". That would also make it less descriptive.

In general I would go through the piece again, simplifying a bit, cutting down on words here and there, that sort of thing. It seems you're mixing simplistic and descriptive writing, so it comes off a little inconsistent in style.
However, I'm afraid I'm now asserting my own personal style upon you. So, only take my advice if you find it appealing,

and much enjoyed as is,
Martin

Martin, I read your beginning. Let's just say great minds think alike! Your advice was excellent and I took it. Big difference what a word there or not there can do. Am so glad you enjoyed the piece and thank you. Laurie