Thread: Forgetting.

Tongues flicker tepid words; your eyes are burning
bright blue tonight.
Anecdotes start to bore; the masses waffle
and I just might,
Put my salt skin on yours, to feel two hot veins
Pulse in a time,
Where the stars don’t exist, and we don’t crave them
Baby; we mime.
Rush back over tarmac, forget you’re human
Despite your sweat.
In a bed by the sea, we drown out the world,
breathe and forget;
That we were ever bad,
ever mad,
ever sad.

NST, Startling good poem! You put Dear Abbey to shame.

When I first glanced at the format, I wasn't sure I liked it and expected a "rough" read. Alternating long lines with the short. But it read just fine, afterall.

Thanks for the response. Yeah I agree, does look a bit awkward! I wrote it rather hastily today, but I quite like it for what it is! Whats Dear Abbey by the way?

The only line that threw me in this very nice read was

Baby; we mime.

It implies mimicry to me, therefore a lack of genuine emotion/response/etc. A going through the motions thingie... lol Considering the previous lines, this doesn't seem to gel well with me. Am I missing something ?

Other than that I enjoyed this

Dear Abbey is an advice columnist. Like Laurie, I thought the format indicated the content would probably be rough. Not the case, though, so may I suggest halving those longer lines. No need to lose readers for want of a more traditional form. There are some cap issues, you only need them when you begin a sentence. I agree with Maggie regarding we mime, it's forced to make the rhyme with time and does discredit what came before, but a switch of the word mime with something more appropriate can easily remedy that. Aside from these little things, I truly enjoyed this piece and look forward to seeing more from you.

Best,
Lisa