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Thread: And Tomorrow I'll Miss You More

  1. #1
    Scrivener Achilles's Avatar
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    And Tomorrow I'll Miss You More

    You’re at the wrong end
    of a telephone line that begins at my mouth.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that dives under the streets of Lincoln

    runs beside farmer’s rows quilted into the country,
    each square a different textile
    each road sign a textual reminder of distance

    above houses painted thirty years ago
    and not since
    antennas dangling off the roofs
    like misfired lighting bolts from a god
    who hates the Midwest more than I.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that intersects the Continental Divide somewhere.
    Because it must.

    And where it does I wonder
    if there are wildflowers growing where no one sees
    if roads avoid it because it’s just too holy
    if the air smells more like honey
    or more like you.

    I wonder if, standing there, I could
    see California but not quite your front door.
    I wonder if when God has the hiccups
    he goes to that spot and sees the view
    and listens to our phone conversation
    buzzing beneath his feet
    and every muscle in his body relaxes.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that joins other phone lines, separates,
    then joins again.
    Our conversation meets other voices
    and passes them unmarred.
    Our words are that hard.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that sleeps in the ground with dead men
    winding up their spines and past their ears
    and broadcasting on channels they can hear
    This is life. This is life.
    We’re too young to fall asleep.
    This is life.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that knows to stop at your ear.
    And I know that ear is connected
    to a face that is the outward expression
    of a soul I’ve grown used to holding.

    I’ve held it in springtime in my hammock.
    I’ve held it praising God.
    I’ve held it in a crowded apartment
    full of people who know everything about love.
    I’ve held it in the playground and
    I’ve held it in the best room
    of the worst motel in the Midwest.

    Know that when I say “I miss you”
    my words have seen the world
    in order to get there.
    The Palace Flophouse

    When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
    and took the apple from the serpent, he
    conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
    procreant desire and tendency.

  2. #2
    Prolific Writer MaggieG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Achilles View Post
    You’re at the wrong end
    of a telephone line that begins at my mouth.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that dives under the streets of Lincoln

    runs beside farmer’s rows quilted into the country,
    each square a different textile
    each road sign a textual reminder of distance

    above houses painted thirty years ago
    and not since
    antennas dangling off the roofs
    like misfired lighting bolts from a god
    who hates the Midwest more than I.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that intersects the Continental Divide somewhere.
    Because it must.

    And where it does I wonder
    if there are wildflowers growing where no one sees
    if roads avoid it because it’s just too holy
    if the air smells more like honey
    or more like you.

    I wonder if, standing there, I could
    see California but not quite your front door.
    I wonder if when God has the hiccups
    he goes to that spot and sees the view
    and listens to our phone conversation
    buzzing beneath his feet
    and every muscle in his body relaxes.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that joins other phone lines, separates,
    then joins again.
    Our conversation meets other voices
    and passes them unmarred.
    Our words are that hard.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that sleeps in the ground with dead men
    winding up their spines and past their ears
    and broadcasting on channels they can hear
    This is life. This is life.
    We’re too young to fall asleep.
    This is life.

    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that knows to stop at your ear.
    And I know that ear is connected
    to a face that is the outward expression
    of a soul I’ve grown used to holding.

    I’ve held it in springtime in my hammock.
    I’ve held it praising God.
    I’ve held it in a crowded apartment
    full of people who know everything about love.
    I’ve held it in the playground and
    I’ve held it in the best room
    of the worst motel in the Midwest.

    Know that when I say “I miss you”
    my words have seen the world
    in order to get there.
    I try NOT to respond to poetry on my first read. But if the emotional impact is THAT good I can't help myself. At the moment I am sitting here thinking " Damn ! I wish I could write that well "

    Like Douglas said " I shall return ! " lol

  3. #3
    Prolific Writer MaggieG's Avatar
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    Oh and by the way... My husband sent me a wonderful poem from Iraq when he was there. " Words, Wide Night " by Duffy. ( totally different images , same sentiment ) Wonderful read if you haven't read it.

    And I would stack this up against that one any day

  4. #4
    Ink Blot MsLokita's Avatar
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    Texas
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    This is a wonderful write, and therefore a great read - Much enjoyed! I love the way you expressed your love in this stanza:
    "
    You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that knows to stop at your ear.
    And I know that ear is connected
    to a face that is the outward expression
    of a soul I’ve grown used to holding."

    Your write hits home - long distance love... I know it too well!


    Enjoyed,

    MsL
    • ‘Poetry is a diary kept by a sea creature who lives on land and wishes he could fly.’ --Carl Sandburg’s

  5. #5
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
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    Achilles, I'm wanting for words to describe your piece. "Brilliant", "Heart aching", "Astute"... all seem trite. And I would be foolish to use them. I feel it's safe to say that if I had inspired such a poem I would be one lucky lady.

    Now, that I'm finished with being all "mushy", I'll example a couple parts of the poem which held particular appeal for me.

    Imagery. Reminds me of what I saw as a child traveling to the mid-west past the cow fields.
    runs beside farmer’s rows quilted into the country,
    each square a different textile
    each road sign a textual reminder of distance
    I smile, thinking of God having the hiccups. Maybe they would tremble the world?
    Yet, without separating you and your love...meaning that, for now, he would not destory the telephones! And that "and every muscle in his body relaxes" I will use it. Beautiful.
    I wonder if when God has the hiccups
    he goes to that spot and sees the view
    and listens to our phone conversation
    buzzing beneath his feet
    and every muscle in his body relaxes.
    I certainly look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for this. Laurie
    Last edited by SilverMoon; 05-08-2010 at 06:43 PM.
    "Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light" Groucho Marx
    http://www.punksoulpoet.com/2011/04/inspired-by-the-artist-andrea-wch/#top"Emalyne"
    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF
    "No Forgiveness for the Chrysalis"


  6. #6
    WF Veteran TheFuhrer02's Avatar
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    Wow. That was very touching... It touched my heart, truly it did.

    ... Just no words to express...
    You don't stop playing because you're getting old; you get old because you stop playing.
    - Doyle Brunson


    @Kriegskanzler | Kanzler's Tales | Motley Press

  7. #7
    Scrivener Achilles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
    I feel it's safe to say that if I had inspired such a poem I would be one lucky lady.
    I'll let her know

    Thanks for the kind comments, everyone.

    cheers

    Ben
    The Palace Flophouse

    When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
    and took the apple from the serpent, he
    conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
    procreant desire and tendency.

  8. #8
    Administrator
    Gumby's Avatar
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    I can only echo the others here. She is one lucky lady and this is a wonderful tribute to her.

  9. #9
    Ink Blot
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    My GOD this makes me miss my boyfriend a lot! This particular part resonates;

    "You’re at the wrong end of a phone line
    that knows to stop at your ear.
    And I know that ear is connected
    to a face that is the outward expression
    of a soul I’ve grown used to holding."


    Quite magnificent in its simplicity. You must show her this!

  10. #10
    Poetry Moderator Chester's Daughter's Avatar
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    Very effective use of repetition here, truly compliments as opposed to detracting, which is usually the case. Great job with the imagery, I actually took the journey of that phone line. It's too bad we can't do that, then your distress could easily be quelled. Your lady is very lucky, I would be ecstatic if such a piece was written in my honor. Much enjoyed this fine effort.

    Best,
    Lisa

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