Thread: Quaint from a Distance

From those airy complacent perspectives,
monkeys can appear like angels.
But when more lowly based they are
simply blind, deaf, and dumb.
From an apathetic view, roofs seem quaint

distressed red-wooden steps;
( Oh the things we unload
when we tear down the barn )
a ladder for God
to get the hell away.

He was evicted,

from these garrisons,
from the pastoral settings
where blood-brick cottages
are tattoed with numbers;

Five for the Rom -
"Ring around the rosy."
Ten for the children -
Mengele had a pocket
full of cyanide posies.
Twenty for those dirty Jews -

" and we all fell down, "

even God...

Smokehouses exhaust Non-Aryan clouds
above this little village,
and proper German wives
can not be disturbed
with the cattle taken
from the cars to be slaughtered.

I think we call it content now,
in flower-boxed homes
on the better side of the street.

These days have a dirty kind of rain,
drizzling endlessly. Noons
are melancholy brochures,
as dingy men flick the thought
of humanity from their shoulders,

and the neighbors are just a noisy crew
on their way to dying
light at the end of the day.
They're single filed, to bunks stacked
like bodies in open pits,
where sleep is a dead sleep.

The Kaddish pours grey slate flakes of song,

while "Factory dust
coming out of their stoves"
was told to ourselves,
as we slept safe each night
in our own pass-over.

Wow! This is a very thought provoking and powerful piece you have here, Maggie. I very much enjoyed this and will be back for more reads.

Maggie, your writing is very rich and packed with imagery. You're a story teller like myself - most of the time. I like to call this poem/prose. But I think I'd like to coin a more sophisticated term or find one. There must be something out there to get at what I mean. Well, you took me on a smooth travel.

seem like a ladder for God
to get the hell away.

Poignant yet very clever! The two together is tricky business. But you pulled it off!

from these garrisons,
from the pastoral settings
where blood-brick cottages
are tattoed with numbers;

An example of your fine imagery!

" and we all fell down, "

even God...

I think, quite brilliant.


A couple of nits:

angels seem to blur into monkeys

This doesn't really work for me. I would say pick one of the two images and work from there. Not a really smooth line.

in this apathetic distance.

A tad to telly. apathetic...show us!

Maggie, you a truly gifted writer. Keep sending them our way! Laurie

I echo Cindy's wow. You are most certainly a valuable asset to this community, but I was already aware of that. Your introductory piece and replies to others promised you would be. This is a topic I feel very strongly about, so it's best if I collect myself before I set my tongue to wagging. I'm a rambling blabbermouth, so when I'm stunned silent, you know you've done an exemplary job. I'll be back to rummage in the ash, but in the meantime, there's a typo in melancholy. Excellent work, hon, you really knocked the wind out of me.

Best,
Lisa

Originally Posted by Gumby

Wow! This is a very thought provoking and powerful piece you have here, Maggie. I very much enjoyed this and will be back for more reads.

Take your time Hun. Glad you enjoyed

Originally Posted by SilverMoon

Maggie, your writing is very rich and packed with imagery. You're a story teller like myself - most of the time. I like to call this poem/prose. But I think I'd like to coin a more sophisticated term or find one. There must be something out there to get at what I mean. Well, you took me on a smooth travel.


Poignant yet very clever! The two together is tricky business. But you pulled it off!


An example of your fine imagery!


I think, quite brilliant.


A couple of nits:


This doesn't really work for me. I would say pick one of the two images and work from there. Not a really smooth line.


A tad to telly. apathetic...show us!

Maggie, you a truly gifted writer. Keep them sending them our way! Laurie

You know Hun I have had this thing published three times and I am still not friggin happy with it ! ( Good Lord I am anal ! lol ) I went to work on some of the nits you showed me. Still not sure if I helped or hurt. This thing was inspired ( in part ) by an aerial view of the barracks at Auschwitz. They seemed like a ladder which got me thinking about who helped, who ran, and apathy in general. Keep giving me feedback. Your view is valued . Thanks Hun

Disturbingly good, or good though disturbing... disquieting? I've read your piece several times, and it leaves an impression - sad, the evil side in humanity... what we as a race or species are capable of - both so good and so bad. We create music - and weapons of mass destruction, we risk our own life for a stranger - and we blow up a crowd of innocent people in a market place.

I'd say leaving the reader a bit disturbed is a sign of an effective piece, eh?

Strong write, thanks for posting and reminding.

MsL

Originally Posted by ChestersDaughter

I echo Cindy's wow. You are most certainly a valuable asset to this community, but I was already aware of that. Your introductory piece and replies to others promised you would be. This is a topic I feel very strongly about, so it's best if I collect myself before I set my tongue to wagging. I'm a rambling blabbermouth, so when I'm stunned silent, you know you've done an exemplary job. I'll be back to rummage in the ash, but in the meantime, there's a typo in melancholy. Excellent work, hon, you really knocked the wind out of me.

Best,
Lisa

Having had two great grandparents die in the camps ( One Jewish, One Rom ) the "holocausts" different nationalities have inflicted on other nationalities has always fascinated me. One of the biggest things that has caught my attention is the slippery "apathetic" slope we walk to get these human disasters. As I casually viewed the aerial picture of Auschwitz, I was struck as to how much simple "distance" affected my emotional response. It "disturbed" me.

Thanks Hun

Originally Posted by MsLokita

Disturbingly good, or good though disturbing... disquieting? I've read your piece several times, and it leaves an impression - sad, the evil side in humanity... what we as a race or species are capable of - both so good and so bad. We create music - and weapons of mass destruction, we risk our own life for a stranger - and we blow up a crowd of innocent people in a market place.

I'd say leaving the reader a bit disturbed is a sign of an effective piece, eh?

Strong write, thanks for posting and reminding.

MsL

I am glad at least that intention did come through. I wanted to covey the "disturbance" I was feeling, and how "apathetic" I was feeling just looking at the pictures as if it was just another day in our history as human beings.

Thanks Hun

Published thrice with good reason, Maggie. I am so very sorry for the pain and loss your family has endured at the hands of madmen, and if I could, I would magically erase what harm has been done. I wrote a ten page paper entitled The Holocaust: From Oppression to Extermination. I got an A double plus with a little note: Great paper, but too one-sided. I walked up the the teacher and said "You're an asshole, there was only one side worthy of taking." Lost the pluses.

The piece is sheer excellence. The premise of everything seeming more tolerable from a distance is most befitting. Distance blurs the truth. I loved monkey looking like angel, ever so befitting. The concept of God being evicted is sheer genius on so many levels, as was the rhyme with its mention of Mengele. Ditto the smokehouse reference, (if you haven't already, check out the film The Striped Pajamas, pay back at its best). Not a single nit, hon.

This is a topic I studied extensively, albeit almost two decades ago, but the disgust at the knowledge acquired shall never be extinguished. When Hitler knew time was short, he dismantled some camps, plowed them over and planted trees. That trees now thrive where thousands suffered and died outrages me, not nearly the appropriate memorial. I like to believe that all of the leaders of the world hung their heads in shame for the rest of their lives, because no one stepped in to stop the unnecessary slaughter of innocents. Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't, and so damn brilliantly.

Best,
Lisa

It's tough to write about things that are loaded with such inherent emotion in such a way that it's not exploitative or that come off as a gratuitous tug at the heartstrings or as simply "thought provoking." I'd likley never attempt such a thing, even if I had some connection to it. I think it's good, though.

I too wasn't crazy about the monkey thing. The imagery seems a little off, like, at a distance, what might you mistake for an angle? Monkey just doesn't come to mind. Pigeons maybe? I don't know.

And I don't think you need the quotation marks around "factory dust," or "OUR" the all caps. I think people will get it.

The whole idea of considering how we view things from a distance is a good one. Time is like that, which is why it's so important to be reminded. I thought too of my grandfather's experience during the war and what horrible measures were taken to end it. He piloted a bomber, and dropped incendiary bombs on German cities that caused the firestorms in Dresden etc. It was because of the distance -- from the air -- and the detachment that comes with it that he was able to do it. Only later did he appreciate the implications of it.

Anyway, strong concept and a good job. It gave me a lot to think about.

Originally Posted by ChestersDaughter

Published thrice with good reason, Maggie. I am so very sorry for the pain and loss your family has endured at the hands of madmen, and if I could, I would magically erase what harm has been done. I wrote a ten page paper entitled The Holocaust: From Oppression to Extermination. I got an A double plus with a little note: Great paper, but too one-sided. I walked up the the teacher and said "You're an asshole, there was only one side worthy of taking." Lost the pluses.

The piece is sheer excellence. The premise of everything seeming more tolerable from a distance is most befitting. Distance blurs the truth. I loved monkey looking like angel, ever so befitting. The concept of God being evicted is sheer genius on so many levels, as was the rhyme with its mention of Mengele. Ditto the smokehouse reference, (if you haven't already, check out the film The Striped Pajamas, pay back at its best). Not a single nit, hon.

This is a topic I studied extensively, albeit almost two decades ago, but the disgust at the knowledge acquired shall never be extinguished. When Hitler knew time was short, he dismantled some camps, plowed them over and planted trees. That trees now thrive where thousands suffered and died outrages me, not nearly the appropriate memorial. I like to believe that all of the leaders of the world hung their heads in shame for the rest of their lives, because no one stepped in to stop the unnecessary slaughter of innocents. Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't, and so damn brilliantly.

Best,
Lisa

Awww Darlin Damn ! Thank you much for such an exquisite response. I think that is why I am so nit picky with it. IT does say something important, and I demand of myself that it say it perfectly. The idea that trees stand guard over those killing fields, even if they were planted by the guilty, gives me a strange solace. And I have no doubt God has returned there to walk among those trees, singing the Kaddish for humanity lost soul.

Thanks again Hun

Originally Posted by JosephB

It's tough to write about things that are loaded with such inherent emotion in such a way that it's not exploitative or that come off as a gratuitous tug at the heartstrings or as simply "thought provoking." I'd likley never attempt such a thing, even if I had some connection to it. I think it's good, though.

I too wasn't crazy about the monkey thing. The imagery seems a little off, like, at a distance, what might you mistake for an angle? Monkey just doesn't come to mind. Pigeons maybe? I don't know.

And I don't think you need the quotation marks around "factory dust," or "OUR" the all caps. I think people will get it.

The whole idea of considering how we view things from a distance is a good one. Time is like that, which is why it's so important to be reminded. I thought too of my grandfather's experience during the war and what horrible measures were taken to end it. He piloted a bomber, and dropped incendiary bombs on German cities that caused the firestorms in Dresden etc. It was because of the distance -- from the air -- and the detachment that comes with it that he was able to do it. Only later did he appreciate the implications of it.

Anyway, strong concept and a good job. It gave me a lot to think about.

Thank you Joseph. My father was a Sgt, and part of the 101 Airborne. He saw war up close, as does my husband ( a medic for the 4th ID ) My perspectives are moreso like your grandfathers. I know that sounds funny but we, citizens, hold our own responsibilities as well. Distance can simply disguise are accountability into whatever we tell ourselves it is.

I did change the " OUR " into "our" . You caught me second guessing myself in plain view ! lol I left the quotes on the factory comment because it is a direct quote from a documentary I watched once. That is truly what some of the town's people were told. Whether they knew better, and chose to believe is another matter.

Maybe someday I might get this one exactly right ya know ? *smiles*

Thanks again