Thread: Don't Depend on ESP During Surgery ( Language)

Excuse me, Mr. Surgeon, sir,
but you've lost a tool of your trade.
Please glance at your tray of goodies
and you'll find you're missing a blade.

It's poking the shit out of my spleen
and I've started to bleed inside.
So take a moment, if you would,
to consult your gut surgery guide.

I know you believe I'm sleeping,
but I'm really wide awake.
The paralytic worked quite well,
but the sedative didn't take.

I've felt each slice and every stitch
while your classical music blared,
and I did not find it funny
when you pulled out my guts on a dare.

Kindly quit your mindless chatter
and quickly acquire some ESP
so you'll get the fucking message
I'm transmitting telepathically.

Whatever you do, don't roll me,
it will cause an internal bisection...




oh shit, you did it anyway,
hope my flat line gets your attention.

ChestersDaughter, this is an uncommon choice of subject matter and it was fun to read it. I do have a very small suggestion though. In stanza four, line one you use "each and every." It may read/flow better if you remove either "each" or "every" from the poem. Good job on this overall though.

*laughing*

I liked it

I laughed my fat bee-hind off! This is great! This happens in real life...in fact, I know this lady that it happend too...gives me the hibbie-jibbies.... Great job, Lisa Loo..

what a scary thing.

Wow! How original, and funny!
Why were you inspired to write this?

Lisa, you very clever one, I enjoyed this the second time around. Still makes me smile ear to ear! And the ending is priceless!

oh shit, you did it anyway,
hope my flat line gets your attention.

I know you've seen enough of these 'demi-gods' to last you a life time, Lisa. I too, just love the ending.

Excellent piece. Scary in a witty way and the ending is spot on.

Some minor suggestions to this stanza in regard to how it reads: I'd change the first line a bit and omit "my" in the last, so it reads like this:

"I've felt each slice and every stitch
while your classical music blared,
and I did not find it funny
when you pulled out guts on a dare."

May I also suggest to completely remove the following fifth stanza and in the same 'cut' (haha), change the title. On my part I don't feel the ESP dimension really adds anything to the scenery nor to the amusement.


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And completely off-topic: I hope you are doing good, Lisa, my dear friend, and what on earth has happened to this site? I'm gone for a few months and next thing you know is Rob has bought the place and given it a complete overhaul, all from what seems an act of gratitude. Indeed it's been an interesting return.

All my best to you and your family.

Dear Da Prophecy, Most certainly an uncommon topic for the average person, but I've spent a great deal of time in the company of scalpel wielding fools, so for me it's pretty commonplace. Martin graciously provided me with a fix for the line in question, which I have changed. I'm glad you found it good.


Dear Maggie, Laughter is the best compliment I can get, thank you.


Dearest Te, Considering your recent experience, the fact that you could laugh at this elates me. I pray your lady friend escaped without too much damage. Now, may I suggest you go glue your ass back on.


Dear Svir, Yes indeedy, even more so when you're beneath those bright lights and it's time to go nightie night.


Dear BitofanInkling, This was inspired by three things, fear, an irresistible desire to take jabs at the incompetence I encountered while in the clutches of the medical community, and, can I have a drum roll please, a documentary on ESP. Glad you found it funny.


Dear Laurie, Danke, love, you are far too kind. Kinda fond the end myself, but only because it's not me.


Dear Cindy, You know my distaste more than anyone for you know most of the story. My hatred runs deep, but laughing at it makes this awful medicine a bit easier to swallow.


Dear Martin. What a joy to have you back, I hope you found what you were looking for. I've missed you and I and the family are still hanging in there. Perhaps they knew you were coming so they spruced the place up in lieu of baking a cake. Seriously, though, isn't it just grand? Rob, G, (you remember Galivanting), and Pawn did a fantastic job reviving the Old Green Bitch and I'm ever so pleased. I owe everything I know about poetry to this site and it's so wonderful to see her strength restored. Long live WF!

As to the piece, glad you enjoyed, hon, and I love you, love you, love you, for that line. I changed the damn thing eight times but could never get the stresses right nor was I happy with it. Thanks for a perfect fix. While I understand your feelings about the ESP and admit you're probably right, I must retain it. For as many times as I've lain on that table, I have no choice but to give my patient a slim chance of rescue. Even though it doesn't work, for a few moments there is hope. I just can't take it out.


My sincere thanks to all, your laughter is my best medicine.


All my best,
Lisa

My favorite stanzas are first and third. What a nightmare you describe...

You know - it would be a good idea to hook surgery patients up to an EEG and monitor brain waves - to be able to see if there are any brain wave patterns that indicate TERROR or ALERTNESS...

Enjoyed the horrific image?

*grins*

MsL

I'm indeed indebted as well, to these fine sirs for keeping this place going. Though my post count is not very high, compared to my years on board, I have spent many word-less hours contemplating, enjoying and growing thanks to this site. I'm sort of contemporary nostalgic about it...
It's good to be back, and though I've found a lot the last few months, it doesn't mean I've stopped searching...

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Your patient surely needs some hope to cling on to even if for a few seconds only. Your personal relation gives it more sense as well. Note I've so far been lucky enough to avoid what now seems a very scary table, hehe, so my nit might've just been from lack of experience. Again, the ending is just excellent, the 'rolling' pause resonates so well with the final sarcasm.

I truly appreciate your empathy here, my dear Martin. I'll be praying that you'll be spared the dreaded table forevermore. Thanks for your nod for the rolling pause, I wasn't sure about that.

And please, love, keep searching, there is so much out there to be found.

All my best,
Lisa

i heard about this happening quite a lot on some news story that was likely misinformed.

i love the title

this line reads funny to me and i cant put my finger on why
"to consult your gut surgery guide."

other than that... absolutely awesome

Dear MsL, My sincere apologies, I somehow missed your reply and now I feel like a creep. I'm elated you enjoyed and loved your suggestion of the EEG. With mere aspirin costing a hundred bucks a pop, I can only imagine how prohibitive the cost would be for this service. They'll ensure you're really asleep, but once you wake up and they hand you the bill, you'd wish you had died anyway. Love the way you think, hon.


Dear G, I'll take absolutely awesome any day. This does actually happen on occasion. Many years ago, I caught a few snippets of a program my husband was watching in which people related their stories of being awake but paralyzed during surgery, freaked me out. The line you questioned is a bit of a mouthful, which is most probably the problem. I've been tossing it about my brain to see if I can make it easier on the tongue, nothing yet, but perhaps something will click. Glad you enjoyed, love.


Thanks to you both, and MsL, I hope you can forgive me.

Best,
Lisa