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Thread: The Old Woman and the Sea

  1. #1
    Introduce Yourself & Poetry Moderator
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    The Old Woman and the Sea

    The Old Woman and the Sea

    I charted my course
    with a sure, steady hand
    for the mecca of choice
    in consumer demand.

    In my sleek, sexy sloop
    (a wonky wheeled cart)
    I sailed to the chain of aisles
    known as Wal-Mart.

    So treacherous, the tide
    put my craft through her paces
    I cast my net wide
    for yellow, smiley faces.

    When, off the port side
    a curious sound
    captured my ear
    had me tacking around.

    I cannot believe
    no, I have to be wrong
    I could swear I perceive
    the sound of wail-song.

    Their calls were quite jarring
    so piercing and clear
    and seemed to surround me
    the sound was so near.

    They came fast, into view
    off the starboard bow
    a pod of five calves
    and three mature cows.

    With their clicking and chatter
    wailing and moans;
    it shot straight up my spine
    and 'shivered me bones'.

    All, blowing and puffing
    they passed on, to their goal;
    spouting eight different songs
    from eight separate blow holes.

    I quickly grabbed on
    to the sides of my sloop
    and braced for the swell
    the bob and the swoop.
    (And the lingering smell
    of diapers with poop.)

    Seems, they were hot on the trail
    hunting carb-laden starches
    and quickly dove under
    the big, Golden Arches.
    Last edited by Gumby; 01-31-2010 at 02:03 PM.
    Steaming Brew

    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF

    "You learn a thing a day, you store up smart."
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  2. #2
    Writer James R. Henning is on a distinguished road James R. Henning's Avatar
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    This was metaphorically brilliant. I had to read it twice, but I was definitely laughing once I got it. Was there any specific inspiration for this? And you know wal-mart got rid of the smiley faces, don't you? The fun is being sucked out of America, day-by-day.
    Full many a glorious morning have I seen
    Flatter the mountain tops with sovereign eye,
    Kissing with golden face the meadows green,
    Gilding pale streams with heavenly alchemy;
    - William Shakespeare

  3. #3
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    Thank you, James, for the read and comment. No, I didn't know the smiley faces were gone! I will always associate them with Wally World.

    This was inspired by a mother and babydaughter I saw in walmart one day. They were calling back and forth, as mom pushed her baby in the cart. It struck me that it sounded like whale song. Then I started paying attention to other kids with moms and I began to think of wail song, instead.
    Steaming Brew

    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF

    "You learn a thing a day, you store up smart."
    ---Festus Haggan---



  4. #4
    Prolific Writer apple is on a distinguished road apple's Avatar
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    Hi Gumby, you are so clever and funny. You find so many odd and off kilter subjects to write your poems about and you do it so well. What a creative mind. I enjoy reading your work, What's next?

    apple

  5. #5
    B&A and LM Poetry Moderator Olly Buckle is on a distinguished road Olly Buckle's Avatar
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    Most amusing, I didn't think Americans really did puns but I like 'wail song'. normally one charts a course 'for' somewhere, and I think it wiould scan better than 'toward'.

  6. #6
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    Apple... I never know what's next. It's funny you should think that I find odd subjects, as I was thinking the same thing of you! and admiring that aspect of your work. Thanks for the read and comment, happy you enjoyed.

    Olly, your suggestion is noted and changed, thanks for that. I do not sail and it was a stretch for me to try and use the language here. Why would you think Americans don't do puns? Just curious.
    Steaming Brew

    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF

    "You learn a thing a day, you store up smart."
    ---Festus Haggan---



  7. #7
    B&A and LM Poetry Moderator Olly Buckle is on a distinguished road Olly Buckle's Avatar
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    Something an American friend resident here said about it being an English habit, we do do it rather a lot.

  8. #8
    Introduce Yourself & Poetry Moderator
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    Well, that makes sense. I do believe that you English have it perfected to an art form!
    Steaming Brew

    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF

    "You learn a thing a day, you store up smart."
    ---Festus Haggan---



  9. #9
    B&A and LM Poetry Moderator Olly Buckle is on a distinguished road Olly Buckle's Avatar
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    Hardly art, more likely to make you groan usually.

  10. #10
    Profound Writer Cran is on a distinguished road Cran's Avatar
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    it's art for groan-ups ...



    sorry, Gumby -

    I've been laughing too much to post a reply before now ...
    it's a grinner ...
    "I don't know ... I'm making it up as I go ..." - Dr I Jones

    Nature abhors perfection - cats abhor a vacuum!



  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cran View Post
    it's art for groan-ups ...



    sorry, Gumby -

    I've been laughing too much to post a reply before now ...
    it's a grinner ...
    Thanks, Cran! I agree with your assessment of the groan-ups taste in art!
    Steaming Brew

    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF

    "You learn a thing a day, you store up smart."
    ---Festus Haggan---



  12. #12
    Freedom Writer Lady S is on a distinguished road Lady S's Avatar
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    I've already left a comment on this elsewhere. A really good laugh.

    Seachránaí

    Friend of WF

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    Profound Writer ChestersDaughter is on a distinguished road ChestersDaughter's Avatar
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    Lordy, Cindy, this is so freaking incredibly clever and hilarious to boot. Gotta echo James here, metaphorically brilliant, and pieces like these are so difficult to pull off, so one thousand gold stars for you. One little nit, S2, L3 is causing me to stumble, too many syllables. "Chain of aisles" is fantastic and I wouldn't want you to change it, but since you say "In my sleek, sexy sloop" perhaps in L3 you could change into to "to" or perhaps lose it entirely. Of course, this is just a suggestion and you could leave it as it is without detracting from the fact that this is one excellent piece. Kudos!

    Best always,
    Lisa

  14. #14
    Introduce Yourself & Poetry Moderator
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    Thank you, Lisa! I've been banging my head, trying to figure out how to fix that, and your suggestion works wonderfully! Thank you for your sweet words, they mean more to me than you can know!
    Steaming Brew

    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF

    "You learn a thing a day, you store up smart."
    ---Festus Haggan---



  15. #15
    Profound Writer ChestersDaughter is on a distinguished road ChestersDaughter's Avatar
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    Glad to be of service, love. I just hope you'll return the favor when I'm in need, which should be very soon.

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