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Thread: Lilith Waits

  1. #1
    Member Rayjones is on a distinguished road
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    Lilith Waits

    Lilith Waits

    Lilith waits as she surveys, all her brutal yesterdays
    She cruelly paved with stepping-stones, of broken hearts and human bones.
    Her lips turned up at their red corners, she grins at all the huddled mourners
    Someone saw her ruby smile, and dared to stop and stay awhile.

    They found his corpse; a shriveled husk, draped in red and gloomy dusk.
    Cloaked now as a sad lost child, she waits for him by love beguiled.
    A tender heart ripe with concerns, the purest man is what she yearns.
    His blood so sweet so true so pure, she longs to mingle with manure.

    Not life only to devour, but the milk of pity she seeks to sour.
    She lingers on the highway shoulders, a poor lost child to all beholders.
    Beneath the moon’s pale milk light, a car speeds careless through the night.
    She rolls hers eyes, now sad windows, awash in headlights that only shows,

    A thin veneer of prepubescence that neatly hides her evil essence.
    The moment she came into view, he knew then what he must do.
    Without one whit of hesitation, he stopped with opened door of invitation.
    Feigning shyness, she pulled away, until she finally heard him say,

    “Sweetie where’s folks, your family? Here alone, what an awful place to be.”
    She bowed head to hide her grin, and then politely climbed right in,
    Into his heart not just his car, he’d already gone too far.
    Had he but known he would have fled, for she was now inside his head.

    She slid like honey across the seat, so coy, so innocent so sweet.
    A question dangled from his lips, then he saw her shapely hips,
    The little girl was not quite there, his question melted in her stare.
    Her eyes; bright stars now seemed to burn, as his heart began to yearn,

    The ambiance became quite strange, as her visage began to change
    Across her shoulders pale and bare, a waterfall of long black hair.
    Snuggly cupped and tightly caressed, she, now a woman sleekly dressed
    In a garment, black as lies, black as the night’s cloud quilted skies.

    “Don’t stare at me,” She insisted, as he gawked and gently twisted
    In her lies and sick temptations, and all her wicked machinations.
    Confused he quickly jerked away, just before he heard her say,
    “Oh, I know what you want, its okay, come to me so we can play.”

    “What are you, this just can’t be, there’s more to you than what I see!”
    She smiled and laid her head upon his chest, “It’s up to you to do the rest,”
    She murmured straight into her heart, as she spread her legs apart.
    “I’m what you want, I’m what you yearn, let me bite so we can burn.”

    His eyes fought back, then down they rolled, he, she thought, she now controlled.
    Then she, a child back in his lap, just as he was in her trap,
    As little fingers began to clasp, shock and dismay then broke her grasp
    He slammed her back into her seat, then made his desperate retreat,

    Out the door into the night, his heart longed for bright sunlight,
    His lust was now a crumbling cinder, as he fled from the pretender.
    Down the road and up a crest, he ran, fear pounding in his chest,
    Then just beyond the misty rise, a silver glow now blessed his eyes;

    A small town not too far away, if he could only make her stay,
    Somewhere behind and out of his mind.
    Then up ahead he saw her standing, her eyes glowed red, her voice demanding,
    “Yield to me you can’t get far“, but as she spoke there came a car,

    Racing up right behind her, she turned just in time for it to blind her.
    When it struck her slender frame, she disappeared just like a flame
    Extinguished by a mighty wind. Truly, this car was a Godsend.
    White washed in the blinding light, the car then disappeared from sight.

    A picture fluttered from the skies, he caught it and could not believe his eyes.
    The little girl was in his hand, at first he did not understand.
    “Lilith waited, she thought in vain“, the words whispered in his brain.
    “For just one man who would not take, one, who’s will she could not break.

    Now she’s free from vengeance’s lust, her body can now return to dust.”

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  3. #3
    Profound Writer ChestersDaughter is on a distinguished road ChestersDaughter's Avatar
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    I know it must have taken a great deal of time to create such a lengthy rhyming piece that actually works. Kudos. A few of the rhymes are a little off, but that is no biggie. The flow could use some tweaking here and there, but again, no biggie. Some lines could be lost, perhaps to the benefit of the piece, but perhaps not. What it comes down to is this: it's very long, yet held my attention (no small feat), the tale is there and a good one at that, and the rhyming didn't want to make me vomit. Welcome aboard, dear, I believe you are capable of wonderful things.

  4. #4
    Member Rayjones is on a distinguished road
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    Thanks for your kind words. I actually wrote the poem in one sitting-a few minutes then went back and 'fixed' it. No doubt it still needs fixing but thats how I write. I'm certaintly no professional as you can easily see. Thanks again Ray.

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