HerGuardianAngel

Why the fuck do I feel this way?
why am I letting this control me?
why can't I control it?
is it a need? is it a want?

I look at her body, her frame.
I stare into her soul, her flame.
My heart quickens
my breath deepens.

I fantasize, and I dream.
I hear attraction's requiem
I need my lover.
I want her.

Why can't I let it be?
why is this controling me?
why am I so compelled to something so questionable
so wanted, and yet needed?

I know I'm in love.
I need her.
I'm obsessed
fucking HELP ME sort out this mess.

My spirit faulters as she looks and speaks to me
I know I can't have her.
suddenly she's above my league.
what the FUCK is wrong with me?

am I stricken with lust?
or am I reaching out for a connection so robust?
God damn it I want to know, please!
I fantasize, I dream, and even in dreams, I can't be free.

I listen to my heart
I listen to it hard
it's quiet,
nearly silent.

I love her.
I need her.
I have her.
why isn't that just enough?

Physical affection
sexual attraction
it's me...
Part of my personality

I want to cast it away
it's a fault that I just can't keep at bay.
In this poem, I look like a fool
I know I look like a tool.

It's something I need to take off of my chest
something that I can honestly say and finally put to rest.
It took a fifth sleepless night
to put these thoughts into flight.

Think of me as you will
as someone looking for thrills.
I wouldn't blame you
go ahead, crush me.

I can cry
I can dream
I can fantasize
I can scream.

But fucking please
what is wrong with me
why can't I let it be...
Tell me why it frustrates me.

I can take it
please, be honest,
don't be modest.
Let me know that I'm a whore.

Let me know that I'm a boar
or a bore...
I know this jabberwocky goes on.
but I've never been so frustrated in my life..

My mother tells me
"Lust is a lying love. True love is undying"
love is something to embrace.
I keep them separate, or at least I try.

Can they be separate
or are they two sides of the same coin?
Why do I feel this way
it's something that my mother would shame me for.

Go ahead.
I'm a whore.
I'm a bore.
Frustration galore..

Always wanting to know why...
mother
fucking
WHY?

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Yeah... I'm having sex life problems. Sorry for the language, and such a huge, personal topic... But I need help, my friends like to think the worst when I don't want to hear it (I don't want sugar coated, either). They won't tell me why I feel the way I feel. Or think the way I think. They just talk about her when they don't know her like I do. I know how she feels, and I know she accepts me....

But I still don't know WHY I crave and hunger for something so intimate, and at the same time so profane... I know I'm making myself look bad and I'm going to get some bad things said to me despite my saying that this is a cry for help.

HerGuardianAngel

and I wonder if I'm going to have problems posting now.

Kayleigh7

why would it be profane to want someone? Unless its like a child or your sister or something..in which case don't answer that question.

I liked the poem. I pictured a frantic man pacing back and forth in his house, pulling at his hair with wild eyes. sweat beading on his lip and brow because he's so desperate for this woman. It was raw and honest and that's why I liked it!

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"Shakespeare hates your emo poems."

HerGuardianAngel

No, I'm not a pedophile or an incestual... creepy... person..

Nor am I a man, though most people online get that first impression a lot of the time.. Probably because I'm 18, lesbian, and extremely masculine.... lmao. Sometimes to "want" someone is a profane feeling. Like all you want to do is have sex with her... but I really want more than that... I just want to feel the physical connection again... When that isn't the highest personal priority. She's so much less sexual than I am.

ChestersDaughter

In my opinion, desire is not profane, it is the product of a very basic and very necessary human need. Unless, of course, one is lusting after children or animals, in which case it is perverse. I doubt anyone will be able to answer your question, the reasons behind love and or lust often remain mysteries. I am sure just about everyone here has asked themselves the same question when emotion or yearning have swept them away. This is especially true when the relationship is flawed in one way or another. Dig really deep and perhaps you will be enlightened. As for your piece, your frustration screams off of the page, which is a good thing, but technically it needs an overhaul. I will leave it up to one of the more experienced poets to guide you as I do not think I am proficient enough to offer more than trite tips. I'm curious, is this your first piece? Good luck on your quest, I sincerely hope you get your answer, you seem to be suffering terribly.

HerGuardianAngel

I suppose you are right... my mom always told me when I was younger that sexual attraction isn't always a good thing... That I'm lusting for the person and I really don't love them... It kind of stuck with me, I guess. I was raised in an old fashioned (not too old fashioned) christian household... And some of the teachings stuck with me, even though I hate admitting it... I don't know if I'm being selfish, or if I'm truly suffering... But thanks, perhaps I will do some sort of soul searching.. Somehow... And thanks; I hope someone will come by and help with my poem. This wasn't really thought out, it was just... Impulsive writing, getting things off my chest.

JosephB

I'd kind of blocked this out, but my very first attempt at poetry came in the aftermath of something tragic. While it was important for me to write it and it was cathartic on some level, I can now see it wasn't anything more than a somewhat clumsy expression of raw emotion.

I think sometimes the perspective the comes with even a little time can add the coloring, shading or subtlety, that might make a poem something that others can appreciate.

And so it seems to me, in some way, you really aren't ready write about this. Of course, at some point you might see that you don't need to write it. And that's fine too.

Good luck with everything. I do appreciate what you are experiencing.

EDIT: Coincidentally, the poem I've most recently posted is about the personal tragedy to which I referred. It's a completely different poem than the one I wrote initially. It came from the same emotions, but they've been tempered by time. I was able to express them without bludgeoning the reader.

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"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-- Albert Einstein

"I am really only interested in a fiction of miracles."
-- Flannery O'Connor

Damien.

This is too emotional and doesn't have much original content.

When you get too emotional, you can't focus on the art. It all comes out in a jumble with no thought behind it.

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