The Lovers - Writers Forum

curvatures · 07-26-2008, 12:02 PM

your hands dip low and steady.
the sun washes the walls a warm red.
my lips part and the breath that is released--
merely a soft whisper on your neck.
we expand and contract, moving recklessly,
but with cause.
your spine winks at me through your flesh;
the very flesh I pierce with dull nails,
rake over shoulder blades,
hip bones--
down your shins.
air sucked through clenched teeth
"love" you whisper huskily
and I answer "is at it's end."

CoercedAntiHero · 07-26-2008, 03:29 PM

huh....that last quote through me off. yet, it makes the poem WAY better than some normal love poem.

it could be interpreted a couple different ways, which makes it good poetry.

curvatures · 07-26-2008, 04:20 PM

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem. I admit when I first wrote it I had every intention of making it a sensual piece describing a moment between two lovers, but as I was letting this all flow out, the whole image changed and I got this.

ms. vodka · 07-29-2008, 08:01 PM

interesting. trés dramatique.

could lose ´the´from the third line.

and also ´that is´from the same line.

i truly think those last two lines could go though.

i like ´the lovers´card in tarot.

Damien. · 07-29-2008, 09:08 PM

I liked it. I think it could use some capitalization and different line breaks, but who am I? Enjoyed it.

ohdear · 07-30-2008, 02:02 PM

wow, that was quite a ride.
the end was an unexpected twist and gets you to thinking
I liked it.