Thread: A rhyme in time

Well done MisterSpider!

The mistress of night had her pleasure to say
"Begone, the sun, I shall wisk you away."
And so the Sun faded, twas' a quarter till nine
So propelled the stars and their glimps into time
The moon was then lit, cast the curtain of night
The howling winds blew to display Winter's might
It was then as light fades and the sun went down
With a watchful eye one could see the moon's frown

Very nice, Ke3user!

Excellent imagery Ke3user, two little nits wisk - whisk, glimps - glimpse.

Thank you, kindly. Both of you . You all have been too kind ever since my arrival .

I'm not a fan of rhyming poetry but here we go:

The world that she detains
From his withered chains
Shows that one can betray
Their once beloved prey
Now watch as they insnare
Those with silky hair

Doh. I just realized I looked at a stlye way back. I'll try the most recent one:

I gaze into the eyes of those who say
That in their minds they can fly away
From six in the morning to the darkness of nine
Irises veiled with the dust of time
From what I've seen in the dead of night
Those once young lay down their false might
Letting their eyes fall onto the ground
As the clouds rain and the earth has its frown

Here in the tower, my mother detains,
Me with no force or visible chains.
And with my love, the witch I'll betray.
I will no longer be her prey.
For in this tower, I will insnare,
her in my long, long blond hair.

~Repunzel

ooohh this looks interesting!
Okay, my first shot. Here goes:


The house was a storm. They heard him say,
"No more now!" "No! Don't do her away!"
Outraged he cried, "You gave me nine!"
While she silently sobbed, "You killed them each time."
Now a monster, he galloped into the night,
And flung her into the water with all his might.

But as he watched his innocent girl go down,
The blessed remorseful wretch ceased to frown...

My faith in man kind detains
My freedom in this world is bound by chains
My loyalty to every single soul i'll betray
Because in the end of the end we're all simply prey
We'll all be ensnared
Whether in the devils hands of Jesus's brown hair

Normal they say
Be normal or be locked away
I'm the odd in the ten so I make the ten nine
Nine of them are normal and one of them needs time
They can't see at this hour so I act in the night
I become myself, one of the might"s"
One of the she might need help she needs to find ground
I'm the one who's not normal but they wear all the frowns

Normal they say
Be normal or be locked away
I'm the odd in the ten so I make the ten nine
Nine of them are normal and one of them needs time
They can't see at this hour so I act in the night
I become myself, one of the might"s"
One of the she might need help she needs to find ground
I'm the one who's not normal but they wear all the frowns

The message is good, but rhythm and metre are important, consider:-

Be normal they say,
Or be locked away.
The odd one out makes the ten nine,
Nine are normal and one needs time.

Also positive statements are more effective than negative, I would say "They are blind at this hour..." rather than "Can't see", and punctuation makes reading easier.

When they say,
"Go Away"
Remember the time...
When you were nine.
They made you frown,
Sunk your head down,
Just like tonight.
Hoping you might...
Go back to sleep.

Hi, dare I say
Please come away
Rewind that time
when you said nine
I saw you frown
you saw me down
We said tonight
We hoped we might
Step far and high
and yet it felt
Just fine and light.

I thought I'd have some fun with this and turn it into limerick style, so I added fifth lines.

When I don't know what to say,
I should smile and turn away,
But Friday at nine,
Or closet that time,
I forgot, and regret it today.

How well I recall that night,
I'd forget it if I might,
I pushed a guy down
With a menacing frown,
When he asked me for a light.