Thread: 11/26/07 | Theatre Scores

This was a terrific first round of the LM Poetry Challenge. Although there were far less entries than there has been in the previous poetry challenges, there were some really good entries in this round. A big thank you to all who submitted poems and an extra big thanks to our judges for this round; Pete C, Ilasir Maroa, Shawn, and rcallaci.

Now let's get to it. Here are the judges scores and comments.

Pete_C's Scores

Title: MOTIVATION

Author: Matthatter

Review: This had its moments, but I did question whether the quirky layout was to designed to deliver a secondary message, or whether it was to try and soften the jerky delivery. I opted for the latter. I’m not a fan of gimmicks so the alignment/font/size tweaks just irritated. I think it’s important to make poetry accessible, and the changes didn’t really add anything.

Apart from that, it left me cold, with no real sense of having read anything of weight. It was a bit more like a slap on the back than anything that made me feel motivated. It needed more power, power that was personal and driving, rather than just a selection of words shouted loudly at random.

Score: 51/100


Title: A FATAL KISS

Author: Impactblade

Review: Jesus Christ, I feel mean saying this, but no one will ever win a challenge with a poorly crafted half-hearted effort littered with spelling errors, typos and scrappy rhymes. Now, I’m nit a huge fan of the judging criteria and believe that sometimes talent overcomes these issues, but that doesn’t happen in this case.

Putting aside the jerky rhythm and the faltering pace, it doesn’t even contain enough to be classed as a good yarn. I might be wrong, but I feel that this was an attempt at comic verse, and the structure became more important than the content. However, that’s no excuse for not giving it a bloody good edit.

Score: 40/100


Title: BEAT

Author: Baron

Review: It certainly had that jazz/beat format and flow to it, but I found myself asking whether some of the phrases used were just too un-beat, if you understand my point. For example, “agile feline movement” felt out of place; it fractured the mood that until then had been very well created. “dancing curves” was another example.

This is a mood piece, and apart from a few moments where the mood stutters, it comes across very well. I would have liked a more powerful conclusion, maybe something I could take away and chew over, but apart from that it worked well.

Score: 76/100


Title: ACT ONE, CHRYSALIS: FORMING THE MOTH

Author: Apple

Review: I struggled to get myself immersed in this, and when I hit the line “in that place where you are lost and it is found” I knew it wasn’t going to happen for me.

However, I really liked the last six lines, and sadly that is all I can take away from this. The start was too slow and, for me, lacking in image or mood. That appeared right at the end, and if I was just commenting on this as a normal poem, I’d suggest taking those last six lines and working around them to form something stronger.

Score: 59/100


Title: THE PLAY

Author: Vangoghsear

Review: I liked the simple language, the basic structure and the almost clinical approach to this, and the only part that detracted for me was the fourth stanza which was a little list-like.

The ending had something cruel about it which sets this off a treat. It was almost mocking the vulnerability, and it is so different to stanza 3 or 4 that I did wonder if this would be better as a shorter version?

Score: 76/100


Title: DEATH SCENE

Author: Autumn

Review: I enjoyed reading this, but for the wrong reason. It reminded me of Luxor! I had high hopes for it at the beginning, but it became an list of objects with no emotive or creative reasoning. I would have liked to either found out more about the objects and their reasons for being included, or have found out more about the man. What I ended up with was a bit of one and a bit of the other, but nothing I could call whole.

Score: 63/100


Title: BIG NIGHT MOCKS REHEARSALS

Author: MisterJack

Review: Short, sharp, simple, easy, honest. It was so nearly there. It just needs a few tweaks, a couple of words and phrases altering to try and make it flow better. The last stanza could be better formed, and maybe it just needs a little something to accentuate the shame that the MC should be feeling. The fear comes across as a description rather than a real sensation, and that’s what this really does need.

Score: 70/100


Title: EXISTENTIAL THEATER

Author: Mirror

Review: Things like this either work or they don’t work. They rely heavily upon a deep meaning and very interesting word combinations; there’s no emotion or real strong imagery so that always makes them a risk. For me, it didn’t come across. There were a few nice phrases, but otherwise it was a jangle that sometimes grated, sometimes amused, but didn’t really deliver anything that I desired.

Score: 60/100


Title: THE FLEA CIRCUS

Author: Wheelz1138

Review: The idea behind this was very good. Sadly the execution didn’t match it. There were a few points of repetition which stifled the flow a little, and the ending actually made me shrug with a “so what” type gesture. It was disappointing because the actual idea is excellent and challenging.

Score: 60/100


Title: TWO ROADS DIVERGE

Author: D B Potts

Review: I liked this; it was worth reading and made me think. It’s reminiscent of something that I can’t quite put my finger on. The writing is concise and tells the story.

Here’s the question: is it poetry? Now, I am well aware of the various interpretations of what makes poetry and what doesn’t, and it’s not that it comprises wrapped sentences of a format more reminiscent of drama (but that fits the theme well). The reason I would say this isn’t poetry is because it lacks too many of the essential elements. Having said that, I still like it.

Score: 71/100


Title: LIFE IN THEATRE

Author: Cran

Review: This was good, because I felt by the end of the first stanza I had an idea of who the voice was. It developed and without becoming repetitive, it built layer upon layer of the character with believable feelings and traits. It didn’t need the last line in my opinion – a few people might not have got the twist, but I think it stands alone well enough.

My favourite line, and the one that gave it away for me, was: “Masked, hooded and gloved, the villain damned or the hero who defies death and saves the victim; will anyone know, even at the climax?”

Score: 79/100


Title: NUMBER TWELVE

Author: SurfaceToday

Review: This drew me in from the first line, and continued to work well. The imagery was fantastic, and the evolution of the tale could not be faulted. I saw one thing that grated (two “he says” in stanza 4), but aside from that it flowed very smoothly.

Could it have used punctuation? I didn’t mind, but some might falter and that would ruin the poem, as it was this almost aural story-telling kind of quality. Because of that, some punctuation and speech marks could enhance it.

And you my beauty. My favourite of the bunch!

Score: 84/100

Shawn's Scores


Matthatter

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 7
Matthatter, you’ve made good use of formatting in your poem. The language is powerful, it jumps out (both metaphorically and literally) at the reader, as well as the images. The repetition is a good indicator of the theme, which puts forth value into the education of the reader. And it is a very entertaining poem. However, at times it came through as a sort of “motivational-speaker” type thing… contrived is the word I’m looking for. It just kind of turned me off at first.

Message and Interest - 6
The message is quite clear, and interest is held throughout the poem. The formatting provides more interest, however, than the writing itself. I give this score a 6 because of this. I believe that with a bit of tweaking, this could hold the reader’s interest without dramatic formatting.

Technical Excellence - 10
I could find nothing wrong with the grammar apart from a few fragments; but, poetically speaking, that’s just fine.

Rhyme and Meter - 7
There is no meter to speak of, not that there really should be. The rhyme exists but is a bit hackneyed, in my opinion; but it works for the poem. I give a 6 in this because I don’t feel that the rhyme inhibits the theme.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
I give a 10 for this score, and all the rest of the scores, because I’m not quite sure why only these two schemes of repetition are singled out.

Form and Flow - 10
For an enthusiastic poem like this, the formatting is perfection. The flow is excellent. Definitely a ten.

Choice of Words and Readability - 8
The word choice in this poem is obvious to the subject; and, for that, I like it. It is readable, but I got distracted a bit by the differences in font sizes, so I deducted two points.

Overall Impact - 5
Mid-level score. Why? Well, I have to hand it to you, Matthatter, the word “motivation” echoed all throughout the day, but I couldn’t remember what the hell it was that your poem said. It’s with this that I felt that the impact was negligible… but I still remembered it. So, I give you a wavy hand gesture to that one.

Originality - 8
The curtain call made me do it!

Polish and Expertise - 6
Matthatter, you know what you’re doing. That’s evident. I’d like to see you try even harder. Make the jump for those difficult lines, put in those feet! You’ve done something, now do something better. For this, and for motivation, I give you a six.

Overall Score - 77/100
Good job, Matthatter. I’d love to see more.

impactblade

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 3
I’m sorry to say that this isn’t beautiful. The words lose their power because of the (sorry *wince* horrendous rhyming scheme). Not very educationally oriented. A tad bit entertaining. Sorry… just a three.

Message and Interest - 4
The message seems to be evidenced by itself. Could’ve been done better in prose. Lost my interest quite easily.

Technical Excellence - 0
Spelling errors abound, dialogue is incorrectly punctuated, and contractions are not contracted. I really hate saying it… but that’s horrendous.

Rhyme and Meter - 1
The rhyme is contrived and the message of the poem is sacrificed. No meter. I’ll give a point for the effort.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Once again, I’ll give full points because this is an unnecessary category.

Form and Flow - 4
There isn’t anything special about the way the poem is presented. The flow is awkward when it gets around to the almost painful rhymes.

Choice of Words and Readability - 2
The words are every day, and anything out of the ordinary seems to be just to half-fit the rhyme. Have I said I hate being harsh? It’s not readable at all.

Overall Impact - 2
The only reason this stuck in my head was because I remembered how… well… none of the content was stuck in my head.

Originality - 4
Effort was put forth by the author, but it is not evident. The rhymes are unoriginal and the content is just the same.

Polish and Expertise - 0
This doesn’t show understanding of the rules, or any experience in writing poetry. It is not polished. I have to say it is not finished. I think it might just be a whim.

Overall Score - 30/100
Please try.


Baron

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 10
Ah! Opens right up with a sense. Sweet. I smelled that one with my very own nose, Baron. Beautiful. Power tingles through my arms even now. Especially with the line “agile feline movement.” I feel tensile strength in my muscles and sharp movements. Powerful. I’d say this gets right at the source of it, Baron. Our art. I remember when I first read a poem out loud. Educational. Very nostalgic, very entertaining. Entertaining…ful? Definitely a ten for me.

Message and Interest - 10
I must seem obsessive. I love this poem. I can’t seem to get enough of it. Well done. It’s caught my interest, and the message has even more.

Technical Excellence - 10
This is poetic form. Like German chocolate. See default score.

Rhyme and Meter - 6
I have to give a lower score on this one I’m afraid. No rhyme; but, to me, much rhythm. Good in my book. Six.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Once again. Needless category. Side note: good consonance.

Form and Flow - 10
Flows off the tongue like a cymbal in the rain. The formatting is almost as rhythmic as that.

Choice of Words and Readability - 8
Simple word choice, but words with power. Readable from where I stand. Some might have problems with the punctuation, however.

Overall Impact - 10
Stayed with me all day. Don’t know why. Just love it.

Originality - 10
This has Baron written all over it.

Polish and Expertise - 10
I should try and change this category to “Polish and Excellence.”

Overall Score - 94/100
Congratulations, Baron. I haven’t been that impressed with a newly written poem in a long while.


Apple

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 7
Good, good. This is pretty, or beautiful. Whichever comes to mind first. Keep in mind, however, that when a poem is addressed to another person, the reader soon becomes detached. Not much to grade in the area of education, but this is entertaining, in a mellow sort of way.

Message and Interest - 5
I get it, though a lot of people might not. I understand you submitted this as an extended metaphor, but there’s really no way to clue the reader in on that. The topic was “theater” and yours could be taken as “identity” or “confusion.” All I’m saying is that it would be best to clarify that for the reader.

Technical Excellence - 10
No grammatical errors, m’dear.

Rhyme and Meter - 5
No rhyme or meter, but I don’t wish to count too much off.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Needless.

Form and Flow - 10
It forms and flows to its own will. I like it.

Choice of Words and Readability - 6
Simple, choice words are good, but the repetition of using double adjectives to describe something lacks power.

Overall Impact - 7
I remembered some throughout the day. Not much, though.

Originality - 8
Honest effort put forth by the author is all I can say.

Polish and Expertise - 8
This is polished and thought about, though the theme wasn’t handled expertly, which is why I’m counting off.

Overall Score - 76/100
Great job, Apple. Keep up the good work and keep up the improvement.


Vangoghsear

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 7
I believe this lacks power. It’s not pleasing to hear (not horrid either, you realize). Your poem could be used to demonstrate schemes and tropes, so it is educational. But your very short lines, for me, don’t hold the power or entertainment of something like “The Plum Apology.”

Message and Interest - 5
Not meaning to be monotonous, but the message is one that has been used many times before, and there’s really nothing extraordinary about the way it was put. Interesting read, though.

Technical Excellence - 10
You sure know how to spell. No errors I can find.

Rhyme and Meter - 6
There’s kind of some half-rhymes spread out about in there, but none of that. No real meter either. But generally good read.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Not needed, though this one would get a ten anyway. Good alliteration.

Form and Flow - 7
I reads decently, but I find it halting in places.

Choice of Words and Readability - 10
It is very readable. Words are beneficent (I’ve been wanting to use that one all day).

Overall Impact - 5
Not much impact, I’m afraid.

Originality - 7
You’ve put forth an effort, and that deserves points regardless of the theme. Your original work, that is.

Polish and Expertise - 8
This isn’t very polished. It could be optimized and very good. You’ve demonstrated, however, your ability to use poetic terms in poetry. For that, I give you points.

Overall Score - 75/100
A “C” Vangoghsear. I’d like to see more effort in the future. Just go crazy and don’t worry about any of those things like readability.


Pete (Scores for personal reference only)

Beginning note: Oh, Petey, you’re lucky I like poetry. J

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 10
Actiony, powerful, ten!

Message and Interest - 8
Ah, Pete. I don’t want to sound mean or telling you what to do. But the excess in here is blinding the reader. Not bad. Could be better.

Technical Excellence - 10
Poetry, of course. All goes. You go good.

Rhyme and Meter - 7
This has sort of an odd rhythm to it. Good.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Needless.

Form and Flow - 8
The length of the lines in this made me dry-mouthed. It’s form fitting and it flows well, however.

Choice of Words and Readability - 10
Good, good. Choice words and very readable. Understandable is a word I would use to describe this.

Overall Impact - 10
The sheer volume of your poem made it force its way into my psyche. Good job on the impression.

Originality - 10
You put effort into this. You’ve made an effort to make it different and to phrase your theme in a different way. Good job. Full points.

Polish and Expertise - 9
This is expert. But a little extra spit and shine would do wonders for this.

Overall Score - 92/100


Autumn

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 8
Powerful words. Unclear meaning. Certainly entertaining.

Message and Interest - 5
As I said before, the meaning is a bit unclear. It carried my interest.; but, when I was done, I had to make non-existent connections to make the theme “theater.” That’s bad form to me, sorry.

Technical Excellence - 8
Some technical errors. “Architecture“ comes to mind. Remember to capitalize “I.”

Rhyme and Meter - 5
No rhyme, no meter. Not much rhythm, either.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Not necessary.

Form and Flow - 7
Halting in some places.

Choice of Words and Readability - 8
You’ve chosen your words. That much is clear. Good.

Overall Impact - 7
I’m afraid this didn’t cross my mind as much as others.

Originality - 10
Your original work. Original phrasing. Good.

Polish and Expertise - 6
Try eliminating some of those lists you’ve put in there. Going the last measure to make sure you have a good poem is necessary.

Overall Score - 74/100
It works, Autumn. It’s a question of working well. Keep up the craft.


Mister “Miracle” Jack

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 8
Humor. I love it. Reminds me of being on stage. Entertaining. Perhaps not powerful, but that can be compensated. Good.

Message and Interest - 9
You got your message across. Interesting in delivery, also. But not quite complete, in my gut.

Technical Excellence - 10
Done well. No problems for me.

Rhyme and Meter - 6
No rhyme, ‘cept for some half-ones in there. No meter. But it works, rhythmically.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Not necessary.

Form and Flow - 7
It does the job, eh?

Choice of Words and Readability - 9
Choice words for a choice poem. Very readable.

Overall Impact - 10
I laughed about this several times throughout the day. Good job.

Originality - 10
Very original.

Polish and Expertise - 9
I need more polish! Good. Expert.

Overall Score - 88/100
I think you’re in third now on my list. Well done. Good form.


Mirror

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 8
This does the job a poem should. It does enough to get the message through. Beautiful, in my eyes.

Message and Interest - 7
I get the message. But I can’t seem to drudge up the interest. My problem, I think.

Technical Excellence - 10
I don’t see any errors.

Rhyme and Meter - 6
No rhyme or meter and the rhythm is erratic.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Needless category.

Form and Flow - 7
It’s formed, but it doesn’t flow quite like I want to read it.

Choice of Words and Readability - 6
The words are chosen. To an average reader, however, they may have problems with some of the words.

Overall Impact - 7
It didn’t really stick with me, to be honest.

Originality - 6
You put forth effort. That’s what counts.

Polish and Expertise - 7
Polished. Maybe not. Not quite expert. There could be some work done.

Overall Score - 74/100
Good job. Keep working on it.


Wheelz1138

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 7
Short, sweet, good to my eyes. But needs more power.

Message and Interest - 6
Message received. I wasn’t quite drawn in, however.

Technical Excellence - 10
No errors from the conning tower.

Rhyme and Meter - 6
Some rhythm. No meter.

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Unnecessary.

Form and Flow - 8
It flows. Good on that.

Choice of Words and Readability - 7
Because this is so short, you really need to hit the nail on the head on what you use.

Overall Impact - 6
I completely forgot this. Sorry.

Originality - 8
The effort’s there. Needs more thought.

Polish and Expertise - 8
Not quite polished. A bit hit and miss in the expertise department, however.

Overall Score - 76/100
Keep working. And really get those words there.


D.B.Potts

Poetry Maneuvers

0/100

Cran

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 9
You‘ve really got the content I need, Cran. Good job.

Message and Interest - 10
Internal turmoil is universal. The message is there, the interest is greater.

Technical Excellence - 10
Error not.

Rhyme and Meter - 7
No rhyme. Meter, no. Rhythm, yes!

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Do I need to say it?

Form and Flow - 10
This flows. It forms. It does everything I’d like in this category.

Choice of Words and Readability - 9
Good words that are easy to read. Nine, most definitely.

Overall Impact - 10
Stuck like a… well… I can’t find a good simile for stick.

Originality - 10
Your work. Your message. Your way. Good job.

Polish and Expertise - 9
Expert. Perhaps a bit more polishing to be done, yet.

Overall Score - 94/100
You’re in with the big boys now, Cran.


SurfaceToday

Beauty, Power, Education, or Entertainment - 8
This uses words in a way unique to this work. Beauty, yes. Power and Entertainment. Eight.

Message and Interest - 6
Message is there. Interest wanes throughout, though.

Technical Excellence - 10
La error, no?

Rhyme and Meter - 7
It doesn’t rhyme, it doesn’t meter. It rhythms, though..

Assonance and Alliteration - 10
Unnecessario.

Form and Flow - 8
It flows, but the form is strained.

Choice of Words and Readability - 8
Words were chosen that are readable. Eight.

Overall Impact - 8
Stuck, a bit.

Originality - 9
Effort, effort, effort. Good.

Polish and Expertise - 8
This is polished and expert, to an extent.

Overall Score - 82/100
Really do your best next time.


End Notes: If you can tell, if you put effort into creating something that shares a message through sound and word, I gave you above a 50. I believe that poetry is about belief, and some of you are unsure of your own uniqueness. Very good entries from all poets. Improve and expand in the next competition. Congratulations.

rcallici's Scores


Judging poetry I have found to be quite hard and challenging. I only hope that everyone takes my scoring in the spirit that it was given-from that of a fellow poet with the best intentions and no preconceptions of who is the best or not as good. I’m quite impressed with the level of work and applaud all who entered into this poetic competition. Each and every one of you has those writing bones…




Title: Motivation

Author: Matthatter

Initially, I wasn’t too impressed with this poem but the more I read it the more it grew on me. I practically liked the presentation or the overall form of the piece. I liked how you went from enlargement (Macro) to a point (Micro)t-that worked very well for me, it showed originality and gave the poem impact. What almost killed the poem for me were lines that muddled the imagery of the piece (with brushes glowing soul- sauce)-not natural –bad imagery- (into the dark brown hot-humid stench-messes) again confusing imagery. With a little more tweaking and some editing of redundant lines this can become an excellent work. The potential of the piece is quite promising. Good Job


5,7,6,5,5,7,5,7,7,5=59/100


Title: The Fatal Kiss

Author: impactblade

I like the spirit and overall humor of the poem. Aside from that there is not much else to rave about. I assume you haven’t written that much rhyming poetry. This is a classic example of forced rhyme with a capitol F. You made your story fit the rhyme not the rhyme fit the story which is a mistake many poets learning to use rhyme make. Your rhythm and beat was uneven due to trying to fit in the rhyme –giving it an un-natural flow. This poem needs to be reworked and with a little bit of effort and sweat can be made into a quite funny and amusing poem. This is not a bad poem but it’s not a very good one either. Don’t be discouraged though as you have the makings of a fine poet once you learn how to use meter and rhyme correctly.



7,5,3,3,5,5,4,5,5,4=46/100


Title: Beat

Author: Baron

The visuals in this poem are smoky hot. I felt the beat of sexual heat permeate its musky odor of lust and desire throughout this little word feast. The form, word placement, tone and structure of the poem was masterfully done by one who understands the craft well. The beat of this poem sizzles and hums… Excellent work!!


9,9,10,7,8,10,8,8,8,10= 86/100


Title: Act One

Author: apple

In your poetry, which this one so clearly illustrates, is your gift in making the language you write in beautiful. A elegantly written piece that enchants and touches gently on the outer edges of the soul. A very musical piece –The only problem I have with this poem is your use of comma’s in line 6 and 14. It breaks up the flow of the piece which interrupts the dreamy quality of this delicious little poem. A beauty of a work…







10,9,8,7,8,7,9,8,8,8=82/100

Title: The Play

Author: Vangoghsear

This poem captured the theatre experience to a tee. Excellent word use and imagery that made me feel that I was in the front row watching a Shakespearean play. The tone and flavor of the poem gave this piece its bones. My only criticism too this marvelous poem is the line break between the 2nd and 3rd stanza. I would do away with the word “with” at the end of the 2nd stanza as it leaves the reader hanging in midair. Add it to the third or leave it out entirely, for it messes with the flow of the piece. Aside from that this is one hell of a fine poem…


8,9,8,7,7,8,8,8,9,8=80/100


Title: The Theatre of Things You Already Knew

Author: Pete C (Scores for personal reference only)

Bam-Slam-Pow-This poem has quite a punch. It floors you with the ugliness, pathos and despair one finds in the darker corners of life. The language of the piece was used to near perfection as it lent itself to the grimness and ultimate sorrow of the piece. This poem should also be a lesson on how to use rhyme correctly. The internal rhyme scheme was done masterfully. This is a powerhouse of a poem-it left my hands bleeding…


10,8,8,10,9,8,8,10,9,9=89/100


Title: Death Scene

Author: Autumn

I enjoyed the theme of the work. The last stanza was quite beautiful. You need to proofread your work before submission as it takes away from the overall feel of the piece. Some of the word placement felt a little rushed –the imagery a little muddled- but all and all a pretty interesting monologue to Death. A good piece of writing…

6,6,3,5,7,7,6,6,6,5=57


Title: Big Night Mocks Rehearsals

Author: MasterJack

I peed my pants laughing. A well done piece all around-short, but quite funny-and oh so true for those who ever played upon the stage.


10, 7,7,7,7,7,8,8,7,8=76

Title: Existential Theater




7,8,8,7,8,7,7,7,7,8=75

This is a well written piece about who knows what… I’m not big on obscure poetry as it makes my head hurt. I understand the concept of the piece but it takes a lot of work and effort to fully grasp the teeth and bones of it. Your pace, flow and phrasing is quite good and you do have a flair for using interesting words-but that can be a distraction to the overall readership-some of us may be to lazy to look in the dictionary and if that’s the case than how can one fully grasp the meaning, But I can hear you say- damn the infidels- let them take the effort to learn the language… Good job…


Title: The Flea Circus

Author: Wheelz1138


7,7,7,7,8,7,7,8,7,7=72

A thought provoking poetic string. I never though myself as a flea( a cockroach maybe) but the idea behind this poem is well articulated. The last line is a bit of philosophical brilliance…


Title: Two Roads Diverge

Author: d.b. pots

The last time I looked this was a poetry contest not a short play one. I enjoyed your short piece immensely-very well written with a good message-but I will not judge this on poetic merits. I loved the entertainment value as well as the message but poetry does not a play make…


10,10,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,=20


Title: Life in Theatre

Author: Cran



9,9,8,6,8,7,7,8,10,8=80

Bravo- The last line made me applaud with appreciation. Well paced with a perfectly fevered flow that made one nod in recognition when one read the surgical proclamation “I shall now make the first incision…” This poem should be placed in every surgical theatre and read by every patient before they go under the knife. -an inspired poem…


Title: Number Twelve

Author: surfacetoday


A darkly dark beauty of a beastly poem. Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder as this poem so aptly implies. The imagery is dark and juicy and the narrative gives a good chill to the bones. I call this type of work, pre- poems or preludes to a larger story, much like the poetry I write, rather than a free standing poem. I like how you broke it in two parts –each creating its own mood and the first part setting up the tone and flavor for the second. I can see you expanding this into a lovely dark tale… great read…

10,6,7,7,8,7,7,7,9,7=75

Ilasir Maroa's Scores

1. Title: Motivation

Author: Matthatter

Quite a good-looking piece is this one. Unique formatting and quite “motivating.” There’s some power here, and of course, it bears a pleasant message. Entertainment definitely describes this piece quite well, too. The message itself is an important one, and it’s certainly delivered against an interesting background. Technically, it’s almost perfect. No real rhyme in it, or a regular meter, but the words flow well, and there aren’t too many clashes. There’s a fair amount of well-used alliteration, assonance and consonance with greatly adds to the flow and feeling. The flow and form are quite well-placed. The tempo is smooth and applied in a nice manner to each statement. It’s certainly structured like a motivational speech, or an on-stage monologue. The diction and “readability” are excellent. Only one or two small problems in the area of word choice. The overall impact of the piece is strong, if not enormous, with several memorable phrases, and it rates high on the originality scale, especially in style. It seems well-polished in most places, with just a few rough spots.

Score: 79/100

2. Title: A Fatal Kiss

Author: impactblade

This piece seemed a bit long winded, and had a common format. It related very directly to theater, which was nice, but had little in the way of imagery device. It wasn’t as powerful as it could have been, and I didn’t see much deeper meaning behind the narrative. It was however, enteraining. Lacking a real message, or a specific interest hurt this piece I think. On the subject of technical excellence, I found this somewhat lacking. There was very inconsistent grammar, and I feel it could do with some streamlining. It also had an inconsistent rhyme level. It kept the same format for each verse, but sometimes fell to half-rhymes and a little crow-barring to keep at least somewhat in order. It had a fair amount of ambient alliteration, assonance and consonance, but it didn’t seem to be applied in any organized way, which while it helped the flow, seemed to imply that much of that help was unintentional. The flow was average at best. There were several stops and starts, and some very choppy rhythm. It seemed to be claiming a regular meter, but if there was one, it wasn’t very consistent. The choice of words wasn’t that bad. It was quite theatre oriented, and didn’t seem forced for the most part to fit the theme. Overall, it was a nice diversion, but had little emotional impact on me as a reader. It was not too original in the overall plot, though it had its moments in the details. It lacked the polish I think it should and could have had.

Score: 63/100

3. Title: Beat

Author: Baron

This peace jumped right out with the wonderful format and imagery. It didn’t have a specific message, except that the place described is the place to be. It had power that built steadily and the twist was quite entertaining to read. Interest abounded in this piece. It had consistent technical excellence and was quite economical with its words. The rhymes and meter were well-placed to fit the “beat” and any “agile female” would be proud to sport “moves” like this. The assonance was well-crafted, and the consonance played the “bass” line quite well. The form was sensual and graceful, with beautiful curves (if I may be permitted to wax metaphoric). The word choice was spectacular, and gave the already hip*cough* images a boost. It’s readability was a large part of it’s strong overall impact, and the originality was quite unique (redundant? Maybe… unwarranted… probably not). This piece was polished like new copper.

Score: 100/100

4. Title: Act One:

Chrysalis Forming the Mouth

Author: Apple

Another wonderful submission. A very beautiful and consistent image, with power and a “go get ‘em” attitude. The message makes you ready to grab life by the horns… The technical aspect is well though out, and the lack of regular rhyme and meter is by no means a mistake. The poem is held together by its use of assonance and consonance, and its flow and form become it like a beautiful gown. The choice of words was good, and it was quite readable. It had stout overall impact and made its own originality. It had maybe one speck of dust left after the careful polish.

Score: 90/100

5. Title: The Play

Author: Vangoghsear

This piece has a very dramatic quality to it, and a provocative, let it all out message. It certainly gives entertainment an entertaining image. It had a few problems with consistent grammar and punctuation. The rhyme scheme was used partial rhymes well, and its lack of consistency was actually very effective. Alliteration was used quite subtly to enhance the flow of the piece, and it was a very nice flow. The line-breaks broke up it’s otherwise conventional form, and used the careful diction to the best effect. It had a nice overall impact, and if orioginality was a little short in the topic area, it was quite “tall” in the description. The piece was pretty well polished.

Score: 91/100

6. Title: Death Scene

Author: Autumn

Quite a powerful, and pretty scene this describes. Perhaps a message of perseverance? If not, at least it was entertaining. The technical aspects of this piece are quite strong excepting, perhaps, the second stanza. Rhyme or no rhyme, this had a nice, well-used meter, including some wonder line-breaks, and the assonance and consonance (and that black sheep cousin: alliteration). It flowed well, and had a good selection of words, making it readable and understandable on all levels. The impact was powerful overall, and the originality ranked quite high. It was also well-polished.

Score: 93/100

7. Title: Big Night Mocks Rehearsals

Author: MisterJack

Ah, irony… one of my favorite rhetorical devices… Adds some light humour, and some heavy entertainment value. Do you have on-stage experience perhaps? This poem held my interest the whole way through… and not just because it was short. On a technical level, it was well written, and used a nice free meter (or lack of one!). It used the consonance and assonance quite effectively to convey the tone, and the form and flow fit well. The words chosen were good, and understandable… and very pleasantly contemporary. Overall, this was funny and had an enjoyable impact. It was original in the range of this contest, though I can’t attest to its worldwide status. The piece was well-polished… just like the stage-floor.

Score: 88/100

8. Title: Existential Theater

Author: Mirror

I found this a bit confusing, if fun to read. It had nice images and a well-crafted center. It was strong on all counts. The poem was quite interesting, if slightly confusing as to the message. It was quite good, technically speaking, though. As something without a regular meter, the structure here was used to good effect in emphasizing all the right words. The assonance and consonance in this piece was spread out, so when I say I liked it’s effect, I am forced to assume it was mostly intentional… This piece had a good form and flow, smooth… and maybe a bit scaly? You chose very good words, and it was quite readable (in relation to the vocabulary, anyway…). It had a good overall impact, which might have been a little better with just a few more obvious images. It was certainly original, and it had a definite polish.

Score: 92/100

9. Title: The Flea Circus

Author: wheelz1138

The poem was about the size of a flea circus… but it still held just the right amount of dark humour. The message was simple but well-presented, and the poem was fine technically. There was only one real rhyme, and it was in two stanzas, but it worked well. The meter was reminiscent of flea tricks. There was no real concentrated use of assonance or consonance, but there wasn’t any dissonance, so there’ not much to fault there. It had a nice flow, and a simple vocabulary, which worked to give it the most possible impact. Short as the piece was, though, it had not quite enough emotion or feeling. It was original enough, I suppose, and fairly well-polished.

Score: 72/100

10. Title: Two Roads Diverge

Author: d. b. potts

I have to give you this… it was certainly written in a fashion suitable for theatre, stage directions and all. It had a good message: “take your time.” The format was certainly interesting, though in the spirit of the piece, I have to take off for a few faults in the format of the play…There’s absolutely no rhyme here to speak of—except in the first line—and no real meter of any sort. The conversation format precludes much intentional use of alliteration, assonance, or consonance, and really, it’s hard to define a real poetic flow in it. The word choice was great, and fit the characters, and it had a good impact. It was certainly original as a poem, and fairly well polished. Call me old-fashioned, but I have to take off significantly for the format, prose-poetry or not. It was well-written, but lacked any strong poetic device. Satirical? Maybe… poetic? A little doubtful.

Score: 53/100

11. Title: Life in Theatre

Author: Cran

Beautiful piece here. A very powerful set of images, and a strong metaphor. Entertaining and educational, especially in the art of original poems… it was quite interesting and had a nice subtle message. It was excellent technically speaking, and had a nice, stable meter. It uses assonance and consonance well, and has a smooth flow, which lends power to the almost-illusion of the plot. The words are well-chosen to fit the theme, and it has a very strong impact. The twist is quite original, and the piece is polished as a stain-less steel scalpel.

Score: 100/100

12. Title: Number Twelve

Author: surfacetoday

Ah, was the prophecy in the title on purpose? Either way, it deserves some extra credit. This had a powerful and well-described image, and was quite entertaining. It held my interest. It was good in the technical area, and the irregular format and meter was fun to interpret. It had some well-placed assonance and consonance, and the flow was well-manipulated, with just a few jumpy spots. The word choice was good, and it was quite readable. The many unique wordings gave it a nice impact, and it was certainly original. It lacked a bit of the expert spit-and polish, but sometimes rough-cut can be good. Overall, a good entry.

Score: 79/100

And your winners are:

1st Place: Baron
Score: 356/400

2nd Place: Cran
Score: 353/400

3rd Place: A tie!

Vangoghsear
Score: 322/400

MisterJack
Score: 322/400

Congratulations to all of you! Great Job!

As always, the winner of the current challenge will pick the theme of the next challenge. The winner this time was Baron, so he'll need to submit the theme for the next challenge to me sometime within the next two weeks.

I look forward to the next challenge and, hopefully, many more excellent entries.

Congratulations to the winners.

Wow... and I only had to write a paragraph? I'm a complete idiot.

Actually, Shawn, I really like how you did yours. I had no idea how they should be done, with this being the first, but yours offers the most specific information for each of the ten categories that are judged. I think either your method, or rcallaci's, will probably be the way to go.

Congratulations to all. No doubt Baron will pick some subject relating to his current spell in LA!

Thank you judges so much for those incredible reviews! They were so detailed and well thought out.

Thanks to Selorian for officiating.

Congratulations to the Baron, Cran and MisterJack!

By the way, should some awful, unforeseen, accidental tragedy befall poor MisterJack, would I then become the sole holder of third place?

(Just curious.)

Well I'm blown away with this result. Thanks to the judges for really indepth critique. I really appreciate the hard work thats gone into it, let alone the time, so thank you all.

Congrats to: Baron with a very well deserved win
: Cran for coming second with what was my personal favourite
: Vangoghsear for the tie.

Again thanks all and I look forward to the next one

Regards
Jack

Congratulations Baron
- an excellent piece!

Originally Posted by vangoghsear

... By the way, should some awful, unforeseen, accidental tragedy befall poor MisterJack, would I then become the sole holder of third place?

(Just curious.)

Sorry, van, but no ...
honours and awards are retained, even posthumously ...

so, congratulations to yourself, and to MisterJack, for masterful efforts ...

well done, all - I will single out d.b.potts -
a very brave experiment, I thought ...


and, thank you judges - Shawn, Pete_C, rcallici, and Ilasir Maroa

Originally Posted by vangoghsear

By the way, should some awful, unforeseen, accidental tragedy befall poor MisterJack, would I then become the sole holder of third place?

if it means that much to youI'll send you my half in the post

Originally Posted by MisterJack

if it means that much to youI'll send you my half in the post

I just figured I should ask in case a truck should hit you at 3:47 today (GMT). ...or there abouts.

Originally Posted by vangoghsear

I just figured I should ask in case a truck should hit you at 3:47 today (GMT). ...or there abouts.

Funny you should say that..........