Thread: A new form of challenge.

A new challenge in a new form.

Can you post a poem that starts with the first line from Wordsworth's poem "Daffodils" ?

In case there is anyone out there who has never heard it it starts:-

"I wandered lonely as a cloud"


Please also vote on the previous challenge "The high cost of truth" so that we may have a winner and carry on the normal competition where the winner chooses the subject.

I guess the winner of this, when we get there, will choose a favourite first line.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
But who am I to judge that so free
Who passes overhead so silently
A cloud is not alone, in a sky full of the same

I wandered lonely as a man
This I can judge from experience
Nothing is silent, nothing is still
A man is not alone, in a world full of the same

Glossary:
shagged - engaged in sexual intercourse with
grassed - ratted on, snitched
quid - slang name for pre-decimal currency



I wandered lonely as a cloud,
for word had passed around
that Dainshrous Dan McGrew was back in town.
('Twas thought he'd joined the bikers, and
bought a Staffy from the pound)
So everywhere I went, I drew a frown.

See, they all knew I’d shagged Dan's wife
while he was doing time
in Grafton, and with still a year to do.
But someone grassed, to make a quid
- some low-down heap of slime -
and, bottom line, I’m really in the poo.

Wanderlust

I wandered lonely as a cloud
upon her listless sea, no rocking waves
or spraying foam to keep me company,
there was only that horizon the sun
never seemed to touch,
those pale blue waters
that endless sky
this drifting cloud that by and by grew
dark and cursed her nameless depth
and wept, and wept
with windless breath.

Well Come

I wandered lonely as a cloud
across the vacant blue,
without a wheel or rudder, bound
to places far and new.

I brushed upon a mountainside
by chance on random winds,
and with the ground I sympathized
for drought would not rescind.

I mingled with the brittle blades
that sprung from splintered loam
and nestled close to mimic shade
as purpose grants a home.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
Through all eternity~

Escaping planes and pollution
That always followed me~

Over hills and mountains
From sea to shinning sea~

Until that day the ozone
sucked and swallowed me~

I wandered lonely as a cloud
Declaiming poetry aloud
Through haunts of coot and herne
And suburban Surbiton
I found a crowd and heard a sound
Saw blue lights flashing all around

I can see a light flashing
Does this mean I’m going home?
I can see a hand waving
To his friends, he’s not alone.
Return me once more to the pound

I wandered lonely as a cloud
My memory is well endowed
I recited Shelly, Keats and Byron
Never heard a single siren
Until I got onto that fellow William McGonegal
And suddenly my audience’s interest in the Tay seemed to pall

I can see a light flashing
Does this mean I’m going home?
I can see a hand waving
To his friends, he’s not alone.
Return me once more to the pound


Apologies to Calvin Harris

I wandered lonely as a cloud
bereft of tears to rain
warmed above by sun-filled breath
to send me home again

I drifted empty as a leaf
upon a wide white sea
when will we gather at the shore
other leaves and me?

I tumbled helpless as a stone
down a thorny slope
then lifted in the master’s palm
a long-awaited hope.


V.G. Kemerer 2009

Great entry; thank you every one. I have stuck a poll at the top of the page so no more competitive entries please, if you want to try your hand for fun feel free.

Any crit or comments on the poems may be posted below and will be most welcome. Even more welcome will be your votes, only problem is , can you find a favourite in this great bunch?

Originally Posted by Dookie

I wandered lonely as a cloud
But who am I to judge that so free
Who passes overhead so silently
A cloud is not alone, in a sky full of the same

I wandered lonely as a man
This I can judge from experience
Nothing is silent, nothing is still
A man is not alone, in a world full of the same

I like the way that lines two and three sort of rhyme in the first stanza and find myself looking for it to be repeated in the second. My first thought was Nothing is still, nothing is silence
Which made me want to change one of the nothings to a nowhere, stop it Olly, you must not take over the poem.
The other thought was to go for the opposite
Nothing is silent, all is movement
I know that silence / movement are not a rhyme but they have a similarity in tone and pace as well as the ending, I have no idea if there is a word for this sort of word match.

I like the overall concept of the poem as well, a simple idea with deeper consequences. Shall I vote for it? I must study the others in a little more depth, I wonder who will appeal to you.

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Glossary:
shagged - engaged in sexual intercourse with
grassed - ratted on, snitched
quid - slang name for pre-decimal currency



I wandered lonely as a cloud,
for word had passed around
that Dainshrous Dan McGrew was back in town.
('Twas thought he'd joined the bikers, and
bought a Staffy from the pound)
So everywhere I went, I drew a frown.

See, they all knew I’d shagged Dan's wife
while he was doing time
in Grafton, and with still a year to do.
But someone grassed, to make a quid
- some low-down heap of slime -
and, bottom line, I’m really in the poo.

Putting in a glossary seemed unnecessary, they are not that unusual words, or is it simply that I am from your generation and recognise them? No, it's a show off thing isn't it? Or you would have put it at the end.
Personally I would leave out the brackets and try to integrate that bit a little more.
They said he'd joined the bikers,
Bought a staffy from the pound
And everywhere I went I drew a frown.
But hey, it works, it has rhythm and scans and it's your poem.
Actually I am so chuffed that you entered a poetry comp. after some of your comments that I am tempted to vote for it anyway if only for that reason. I can't see anything else you might vote for, will you prove me wrong or vote for yourself?

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle

But hey, it works, it has rhythm and scans

I just hope you appreciate the effort I put into re-spelling "Dangerous" to ensure that line scanned.

Ox the poet? that had to be worth a vote.

My vote went to Foxee. "Bereft of tears to rain" and then that entire second stanza got me good. "Master's palm" was the only thing that really didn't seem to fit, in my opinion, probably because it gave too much of a human element to, well, the elements.

Thanks, Mike, and whoever else voted for me. I know Mike's vote isn't an easy one to get, either.