Thread: Scoring birth

This is what I propose, as there are eleven poems and only ten choices on a poll I suggest each person starts their first post with the words

I choose (person) :- (name of poem). No (no of post)

Put it separate across the top of your first post so I can find them easily and count up at the end. remember post are 1-12, there is no number one.

I have made my choice and added a couple of comments as an example below

I choose Foxee:- Blue star child. No 7

I like this best because it seems the most genuine and heartfelt, I find it very difficult to avoid a certain mechanical quality when writing to a subject, this does. There are other poems which are very technically adept, for me the simplicity appeals far more.

I had comments prepared on several of the other poems but I lost them in the copy and paste process, can't even do that right. I may come back when I see what other people have to say.

mirror - womb number 6

since it would be quite the faux pas to vote for myself, ill have to go for mirror... she writes this subject in her sleep, and it shows

SadLuckDame - "Mother" - #3

Many good entries. I chose this one, maybe because of my male handicap regarding birth experiences, but it's classical nature/birth theme really spoke to me, and the directness of the whole piece made it very authentic.

Lisa, regarding your poem, what a day... I imagine it a sad feeling, how one's parent never got to see one's child. I'm sure he would be fine just knowing, that little Chester made it that very day. Thanks for sharing.

And thanks all for this entertaining contest.

Martin

SadLuckDame - Mother - #3

I was torn between this one and the entry by iDrew which was, as always, witty and original. This one was my final choice because of the usual original style and strong narrative.

To some degree, I agree with Galivanting about Mirror's poem, that is it certainly made me yawn. Perhaps if she tries writing when she's awake she'll come up with something that isn't the same old...

Olly--#1

Was an easy decision for me, actually, even though such wonderful entries. Olly's piece to start out, set the tone, mood and zapped me there to that place. The father's view, was sublime.

My vote goes to iDrew's iBirth MisUnderstanding.

It made me laugh, as her poetry so often does, and in a topic that seemed quite heavy in many entries, I appreciated the relief.

I choose Chester's Daughter: Birth vs Death Post No. 5

This is a tough competition to judge...so many great poems. I liked Olly's for the father's-eye view and the warmth he gave it. I liked iDrew's poem because it was fun and different and her poetry's always great to read.

But I had to go with Chester's Daughter on this one because of the depth of feeling. The poem communicated its theme well and without fuss...the poetry structure didn't obscure the story. While it was sad it was still hopeful and the poem played into the legend that when one soul dies another is born (This happened when my daughter was born, too, though it was not a close family member. Instead it was a girl who was murdered at a party.) so the poem had a bit of mysticism to it for me as well.

Great premise, nice job, liked the poem a lot.

Chester's daughter, birth versus death was high on my list initially. But then when I re-read I found myself thinking about the physician who gave a woman a sedative after she had given birth, presumably as a means of behavioural control. Not just that he made a quip about "I think not" and called her his "little dickie bird" I think it was. The man should be struck off for assault and demeaning a patient, it sounds amusing and it is necessary to make the plot work (Or some sort of delay is) but it annoyed me so much... grrrr.

Okay, I can see that. It didn't diminish the poem for me. Moms who have just given birth normally aren't allowed to get up and just walk around right after, especially depending on how the birth went.

So I saw it as saving her from herself, really.

Mother by Sad luck Dame also came very close, I liked the personal touch of Sally with her luminous eyes, pony tail and support system. The pausing at the doors and grasping hands I felt I could see happening, the teenager finding the woman within herself. In fact it is difficult to say precisely why it did not come out on top, perhaps the electrical storm to the eclipse was just a bit too far, a string too many pulled. The world being what it is I shall probably discover that that part was taken from personal experience now

sigh.. I feel so silly my poor entry put a nice looking poll out of the question. Though I really think this contest thing is a lot of fun. Good job to you Olly.

I was going to wait till the voting was closed, but since you guys are discussing it I wanna too. I loved Olly's because he did the 'show' not tell so strongly, the words used 'nappies', 'forceps', ect. popped me right there in the labor room. It's not that I believe it should always be 'show' not 'tell' (I'm a fan of being a story teller) but I saw it work so well in his piece. Plus, the father's side as I said was sublime. Their faces when they see the 'goo', memorable.

I loved Foxee's sweet, lil, piece. Simple and soothing. Idrew was original, funny and I did like it except the last line, threw me off. Also the 'prison' guys was an interesting one.

p.s. Olly, it sure was a big storm going in, and a real eclipse going out. LOL, plus he was born on Mama's day. I'm superstitious and believe in signs.

Thank you for the kind words Martin and Baron. I'm glad it worked for yas.

Just had to be when I had said that didn't it? I swear I am not superstitious, my ex wife ran off with someone else and I heard nothing of her until twelve years later I discovered she died on my daughter's third birthday.

Mirror, I did feel that was a slightly cruel comment of Baron's about waking up, but I do wonder if you have exploited your extremely competent style fairly fully. The poem is full of metaphor, allegory, double-entendre even, which you are very good at, but the subject is one so basic to the human condition that I felt it called for something more direct and personal. Foxee's poem may actually have benefited in my judgement for being adjacent to yours, the contrast is great.
Personally I am hoping for something mundane for our next subject, a complete change from the Big themes.