Thread: (Uh) O Christmas Tree (Language)

WARNING TWO: Disgusting content, not for the queasy

With my sincere thanks to the lyricist and composer (both unfortunately unknown) of the beloved carol. It's a bit iffy as a poem, but if sung to the actual tune it's not so bad. I'm no lyricist, so it's probably laid out all wrong.



O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
I'm sad to say
you reek of pee

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
seems something's tapped
its kidneys

What animal
has smeared your trunk
depositing
excreted junk?

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
your odor doth offend me

Your boughs so green
with nameless slime
could use a dousing
of some lime

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
your odor doth offend me

You've killed our pets
with your scent
our gifts are all
dumpster bent

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
your odor doth offend me

Next year we're buying
plastic stock
to save our nares
an awful shock

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
your odor doth offend me

A port-a-potty
would surpass
needles that
stink like ass

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
our fireplace beckons thee

I'll move the yule
just a bit
can't have a tree
that smells like shit

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree...


now ashes that are odor free

This reminds me of the year my tree reeked of cat spray, it was in a word, disgusting. I had just gotten two male cats, brothers, and had no idea that they would desecrate my cherished tree. Hope you haven't had a similar experience, sweetie.

In the spirit of gift exchange, I accept this poem and offer a gallon of Febreze. Wear it in good health!

Originally Posted by Gumby

This reminds me of the year my tree reeked of cat spray, it was in a word, disgusting. I had just gotten two male cats, brothers, and had no idea that they would desecrate my cherished tree. Hope you haven't had a similar experience, sweetie.

Ugh, Cin, yucky to the umpteenth degree, I dislike cats as I'm desperately allergic to them, perhaps it's a blessing, lol. This is pure fiction, I haven't had a real tree in decades. I'm a unrepentant light junkie and would burn a live tree down for sure, I've even seared my old artificial one. My daughter insisted I blinded her when I unveiled this year's effort, lol, 21 strands, half LEDs. This came about because I was watching a lady walk her dog who decided to make a pit stop at the tree across the street. This one is gross and not for most, but my kids liked it, so here it came.

Originally Posted by Punnikin

In the spirit of gift exchange, I accept this poem and offer a gallon of Febreze. Wear it in good health!

LOL, you're adorable, and I, the olfactory challenged, gladly accept your gracious gift of Febreze with much gratitude.

Thanks to both of you courageous souls for braving this smelly mess.

You are STILL an idiot , honey. lol. Singing it was a joy. lalalala. A very fun, clever, smelly little poem. I like it.

LOL. Only one small thought: the poem seems part free verse and part rhyme, especially the first few stanzas; therefore, the poem does not flow (ouch!) as well.

great stuff.

doghouse reilly

Originally Posted by apple

You are STILL an idiot , honey. lol. Singing it was a joy. lalalala. A very fun, clever, smelly little poem. I like it.

Ah, my dearest Sondra, you've made my Christmas all the brighter with your presence here. I've missed you and your work terribly and I pray you are more than well. I'm certainly undeserving of such a magnanimous comment, lol. Should ever I change, I'd have no recourse but to hobble into the path of a convey of semis, carrying Christmas paraphernalia, of course. lol. Hope you'll be posting one of your own soon, which would make my holiday complete, absolutely no pressure, of course, lol. Have a merry, Sweetie!

Originally Posted by doghouse reilly

LOL. Only one small thought: the poem seems part free verse and part rhyme, especially the first few stanzas; therefore, the poem does not flow (ouch!) as well.

great stuff.

doghouse reilly

Dear doghouse, I'm elated you enjoyed, hon. I believe the pieces rhyme throughout, although the scheme is more than a little askew, but I was focusing on making it fit into the melody. If you have a sec, would you please let me know where you are stumbling? I've the scalpel ready to perform surgery if need be. Thanks so much, love, and Merry Christmas.

All the best to you both,
Lisa

Hmm, I can't say that this was humorous (what can I saw, I'm not a big fan of toilet or crude humor), but I can relate as I always make song parodies, usually involving my cats :]