Thread: Another Shopping Chronicle

Here's another if the first one bored you!

Shopping Etiquette

Hey, you! Yes, you, with the blank stare.
Where are your manners?

In today's world, the terms "manners" and "social etiquette" have been filed somewhere in the dusty bookshelf of history along with the phrases "Sunday best" and "drawing room". But whilst these concepts of "manners" and "social etiquette" have sadly less prevalence in today's world than in that of our grandparents, perhaps the concept of "shopping etiquette" has more relevance than ever before.

In this online shopping, late-night shopping and "sorry, we only hold items for one hour" world, it is not uncommon to see on any given sale day, "ladies" (and I use that term loosely) in close resemblance to a pack of wild hyenas hacking at the last remains of a fleshy carcass on a deserted plane. Albeit a silk, limited edition, hand-beaded fleshy carcass, but a fleshy carcass nonetheless.

Don't get me wrong. I am not mounting a high-horse of any kind. I've partaken in this wild feast with great flair, along with equally great disregard for my fellow Australians (to half of which I have this warning: do not attend Chadstone VIP night whilst afflicted with PMS). But perhaps, like you, I find this gleeful abandonment of social etiquette a shame and in the context of shopping, very impractical. Who wants to try on a white silk slip dress with acrylic nail claw marks down their forearms?

So for those of you, dare I say it, considering polishing up on your "shopping etiquette" I have devised this basic 7-point Shopping Etiquette guide for you, which thankfully makes no mention of bread knives, dessertspoons or oyster forks.

To be considered a well-bred shopper, one should:

• Always treat retail staff with respect if you expect them to treat you respectfully in return. This means using "please" and "thank you" as you would to any other, but does not extend to complacency with rudeness or being forced to re-hang garments if you are planning to part with more than $9.95 at the counter.
• If a queue is present, vacate dressing rooms after occupancy of fifteen minutes. During weekend, late night or Christmas trade periods, vacate after ten minutes. * * <
• Avoid scratching, hissing, biting and any other feline behaviour, regardless of discount and conditions of said discount.
• Under no circumstances stroll along walkways, footpaths or aisles during the aforementioned weekend, late night or Christmas trade periods. Any form of linking arms (particularly if comprised of three or more links) is grossly inconsiderate, as is blocking the walkway for a chat.
• Forgo trying on footwear without a protective stocking if you knowingly have tinea.
• Never even consider wearing a backpack. Or stilts.

* Does not apply if you are Princess Mary.
* * Does not apply to brides-to-be or contestants of "The Biggest Loser".

In the infamous words of Tom Cruise, maybe it is time for us to "put our manners back in". You never know. Just like your mother said, good manners do get you everywhere. They might even get the sales assistant to hold that last pair of peep toes until the end of the day. Hey, stranger things have happened…

Why Chadstone? Why not Collingwood or Nth. Fitzroy? Or even Moonee Ponds?

There seems to be an element of Presbyterian Ladies College or Melbourne Girls Grammar oozing out through the cracks. A greater slant towards the hoi-polloi is needed.

XO

Glad to get some feedback from an aussie!

I used Chadstone because I really did buy them in Chadstone. How do you think I can drop the MGG "element"?

xoxo

I've just re-read it and can't really see where the piece comes across as snobby.

Really would appreciate your comments, though.

xoxo

I wasn’t really serious. It’s just that I’m acquainted with a lady journo; she writes this way and she was educated at one of our better ladies’ colleges. So I figured you for a similar background.

You don’t really need to change it – as I said I was only kidding, and besides, the readers lap it up. Anyway I couldn’t even begin to tell you how to do it differently. I can’t write.

XO

Hehe, don't be so hard on yourself... I've read your comments around here and you've got quite the tongue on you. You could be a great writer if you put your mind to it. And I think I will change the Chadstone reference and leave it ambiguous as to not alienate any readers.

Thanks for your comments

xoxo

Originally Posted by missmia86

Hehe, don't be so hard on yourself... I've read your comments around here and you've got quite the tongue on you. You could be a great writer if you put your mind to it. And I think I will change the Chadstone reference and leave it ambiguous as to not alienate any readers.

Thanks for your comments

xoxo

Thank you.

Bumping