The Pilgrim

It’s not like I don’t have emotions. I am not a sociopath. I feel things. But…I am disconnected from the things I feel. It is as though at some point during my life my emotions became separated from me, torn from my mind like a barely cognizant child from his mother’s arms. They speak to me still, but in the muffled whispers of a foreign tongue locked in the room next door…and the walls are very thick: I can just barely make out every other word, and the rest are blanks that I try to fill in as best I can. At times this has led to my acting a part which seems most appropriate to play, such as when I want to laugh but cry instead—because who laughs at a funeral?

Maybe you can relate. Or perhaps I am mistaken, that I truly am a soulless thing and these muddled phrases spoken by my soul are merely the last echoes of something long since dead: the pains of a phantom limb. At times these echoes seem to bounce around the walls of my mind until the sound becomes deafening. As paralyzing and frustrating as these times can be, I much prefer them to the silence that follows soon afterward—having one’s mind shutdown is a little less than a suicide; and having ‘killed’ myself many times, I can say definitively to anyone who looks to the cold, blank stare of death for solace that anything is better than nothing.

Skeptics question how a loving God could send his children to hell, but what I have come to realize is that people send themselves to hell, God can only sit and watch as we exercise free will—the one thing He dares not take away from us; the one thing we are not yet ready to give up.

Rules set down by God are only guidelines—because just as there are things which will injure the body, there are things which can injure the soul. The body, however, can heal itself—I wonder if the same can be said of the soul? Was Lazarus a dead body with a living soul (which I have never seen), or a living body with a dead soul (which I have seen too many times)? Did Jesus resurrect a broken body or a fallen spirit? And which is the more impressive feat? For one to walk on water one would need to transcend the very nature of water—one would have to find the sublimity of life.

There are those that will only ever see water as water—and for those I have only pity, as one pity’s a deaf-mute who will never hear the high notes of a bittersweet symphony. Many times people have asked for signs from God, but rarely do they make the effort to actually look for them. God is not testing your faith by hiding these signs from you—because there is no God to have faith in. We, collectively, are “God”: the omnipotent being that sees and knows all—but for now we must be kept divided, babbling at one another from separate rooms, with very thick walls between us.

One of my favourite biblical tales is that of Adam and Eve in Eden, and the forbidden fruit of the Tree of Conscience—the knowledge of good and evil—what could be more detrimental to an all-knowing being than the idea that some things should not be known? How does a fallen angel return to heaven? How does a snake stop hiding in the weeds? The first idea that occurs to most is to eliminate the concept of heaven, and pull out every last weed—but when a knife has been plunged deep into your heart, the last thing you want to do is pull it out; yet that is the common reaction…perhaps the time has come to try something uncommon? At my next funeral, I beg you laugh.

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He's a poet, he's a picker
He's a prophet, he's a pusher
He's a walking contradiction
Partly truth and partly fiction

Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home

OzzyShiraz

Well...that´s quite an explosion, dear Pilgrim.
I´m sure I won´t know a thing about your funeral, but I have always portained that smiles are more appropriate than frowns at funerals, after all, we don´t mourn when marathoners have run their fill and can´t even stand, do we?

And hey....what the devil do you know about ¨rules set down by God¨, anyhow? Now go and have a laugh....or I´ll have one for you!

The Pilgrim

A laugh? What does this mean, 'laugh'?

No seriously, can anyone explain to me the psychology behind laughter? What it means, how it develops, why we laugh at somethings but not at others? It seems to me that laughter is a form of communicating to others that 'we have been where you are', so that, for example, when someone makes a fool of themselves we all laugh, because we have all been foolish. It makes us feel better because it makes us feel connected. And perhaps crying is when we laugh to/at ourselves. If anyone has any literature or opinions on this topic they'd like to share I'd appreciate it.

__________________
He's a poet, he's a picker
He's a prophet, he's a pusher
He's a walking contradiction
Partly truth and partly fiction

Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home

KristanLH

I'm not really sure how to critique this piece, so I will just make a few comments.

I love this part:

Second, I don't think the title fits. It gives me no sense of what to expect, nor do I think it is the "point" of the piece.

Third, I loved this line, even though I think it negates some of your previous statements about God:



Thanks for sharing.

- Kristan

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kristanhoffman.com: a portfolio & blog. (a plog? a blolio?)

shraga

At the beginning I truly enjoyed this piece. The dissattachment of one self is something i have always enjoyed. The writing is great along with your metaphors. I felt that everything went downhill the minute you brought god into the equation, it ruined the beauty of the piece. At least that's how i felt.

I love the idea of laughing at a funeral!

Other than that little less than suicide i think it flows better
great job!
keep writing!

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Shraga Y. Weissmann
Israel
Pease critique my humor for Chompers (744 words)

The Pilgrim

Kristan: I'm not too hot on the title, either. How about this: 'I Hear You Knockin', But...'?

How specifically do you feel that that line negates my previous statements about God?


Shraga: "I felt that everything went downhill the minute you brought god into the equation"

Funny, 'cause I was wondering if God feels the same way about us.

Actually, 'little less than suicide' was my original line--I changed it to indicate to the reader the concept that we may each commit more than one suicide in a lifetime, that there are 'metaphysical suicides'.

__________________
He's a poet, he's a picker
He's a prophet, he's a pusher
He's a walking contradiction
Partly truth and partly fiction

Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home

KristanLH

Okay, I take it back. I re-read the piece, basically substituting "we"s for all the "God"s, and it works.

Mmm, title still doesn't sound right... Maybe just, "The Uncommon Reaction" or "The Muffled Whispers"?

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kristanhoffman.com: a portfolio & blog. (a plog? a blolio?)

The Pilgrim

The Uncommon Reaction it is then. I'm just that easy. Don't let it get around, though--I don't want people thinking I'm some kind of a lit slut.

__________________
He's a poet, he's a picker
He's a prophet, he's a pusher
He's a walking contradiction
Partly truth and partly fiction

Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home