Thread: Article for newspaper

I was trying to write something humorous (key word is trying ) and the advisor liked it. But she wants to put it in the opinion section. It is an opinion but an exaggerated one. If people read this will they understand that I'm not being entirely serious? The ending is not the best either



‘Insert heartfelt memory here’

by af gfh

Relief washes over you as the bell rings for 5th period. It is Friday and a glorious stress-free weekend awaits your tired body. But as you take your seat you a see a friend stepping towards you with a book in their hands. The neatly written cursive on the front of it catches your eye. The shiny gold lettering cackles and taunts you. What desperate excuse will you use this time? You're allergic to their pen? Your hand is cramped from eating lunch? You can’t possibly write something in a classroom with this noise level?
There is nothing that brings more perspiration, more nail-biting, more anxiety than signing a yearbook. A fragment of the population can coolly write off a sincere memory without a moment’s hesitation. Others slither their pen across a page at such a venomous pace you’re afraid they won’t leave enough elbow room for the rest of your friends. They leave behind embarrassing moments and blunt harsh sentences.
For the rest of us, however, yearbook signing requires a little more preparation and thought.
After you have signed a yearbook, the person receiving it expects your paragraph (or neatly scribbled sentence) to be thoughtful. They do not demand to be moved to tears (do not forge friendships with those that do). But they do expect to remember you or to at least form a fuzzy image of your face in their head when, on their deathbed, they take one final somber gaze at their high school yearbook signatures. And if you can achieve either of those two things, they’ll probably expect you to attend their funeral.
Therefore, when signing signatures in yearbooks, include at least one moment you both shared together. It doesn’t have to be momentous or even true; simply make it vague enough so your friend assumes they just don’t remember that piece of cheese sandwich you both shared in the third grade.
As long as you follow the rule above you’ll be safe from criticism. But if someone reads your signature and a horrific expression jumps to their face or a gagging noise emits from their throat, you know you’ve broken one of the four golden rules.
1. Never merely sign your name. No one lets any old person sign their yearbook (that makes it a ‘whore book’). Lists are produced, feelings are considered. By giving you permission to sign their yearbook, they are laying their heart out on the table and practically insisting you give it back to them with an affectionately tucked memory inside.
2. Never write a sentence in a yearbook if the person you’re writing to wrote a paragraph in yours. This is implying that they may appreciate you but you sure don’t appreciate them and you’re willing to acknowledge that fact.
3. Never write clichés. There is nothing worse than reading “You’re the best”. We already know we’re the best because of all the other heartfelt signatures we got from the rest of our friends.
4. Never write upside down. I for one am to lazy to flip the whole yearbook upside down just so I can read about something that makes me appear stupid.
Signing yearbooks is a painstakingly long process. You can follow the rules mentioned above and keep everyone happy or you can refuse to sign them. There is no time wasted if you choose this route and certainly no humiliation.

I liked it. I could tell it was exaggerated but then there is nothing in there to suggest your deliberately exaggerating. You could just have an exaggerated perspective. However, I doubt people will take such a light hearted topic as some sort of strongly held belief. Now if you were talking about War and Peace in an opinion section, people would take you more seriously.

Congrats on gettting published