Edgewise

Nothing can compare to the relentlessness drive to oblivion one feels in ones mind when it turns inside-out against itself. Your own worst enemies, your own worst fears are manifested by an omnipotent, malevolent force. The religious Christian will attribute it to demons, or even the big-bad-bully on the block himself, Satan. If I had to describe it in religious terms, I would deem it the anti-God, distinguishable from Satan in that Satan is not nearly as powerful as the Judeo-Islamo-Christian deity. This antithesis of a higher moral being is centered in the self. Because it is within the self, it is within this (I will call it a “force” at this point) forces power that anything short of altering the fundamental laws of physics is feasible. This force is able to inflict what feels like bodily harm on an individual, it is able to communicate thoughts through what at first appears to be a will of its own, and it is convincing enough in its logic to sway a person over to the most outrageous and illogical opinions.

A psychotic individual, possessed (no pun intended) as they are of faulty logic and perceptions, is a victim of their own psyche. Any aspect of their particular psychosis can be attributed to exeperiences they have had, memories they have kept, a worldview which they built up before it was torn down (and replaced) by the illness, and abuse which they have suffered, either drug-related or otherwise. Amazingly enough, in my experience, schizophrenics often share similar psychosis related symptoms. Paranoia, as broad as the term is, seems to be limited to a cultural context. An example of this would be the large number of people in America who believe that either aliens, the government, or both are involved in their life, usually for the worst. Another example would be the prevalence of the notion that the neighbors are talking about them, a suspicion reinforced by the very real hallucinations which accompany this particular delusion. My point in saying all of this is that although the psychotic individual is a product of his or her society’s zeitgeist, they are also influenced by their experiences. Say a person was abused in high school; their hallucinations may take on the role of berating, bully like voices. If a person was sexually abused, tactile hallucinations may abuse the person in ways which, though not real, are as real to the sufferer as any tangible abuse. Thus, experience has its role to play in the schizophrenic experience.

__________________
What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"

Unconscious

Not bad.

Being a sufferer of similar issues, I can understand this piece of work. During, what I describe as "Episodes", you lose all form of rationality, and logic, and turn into a shivering wreck, or a raging beast. It all depends on the severity of the hallucinations at the time.

Psychosis isn't necessarily permanent, either. What I've been describing is moreso frequent psychotic outbursts. Perhaps give that a mention if you continue this any further?

Unless of course this is moreso a discussion of your experiences of dealing with Schizophrenia (Assumption from reading your other thread), which means it would be an irrelevant point.

Edgewise

No, you are right, psychosis isn't permenant.

__________________
What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"

Unconscious

However, I'm not too sure what they're called - but one of them is permanent, whilst the majority of others are not.

During my stay in a psychiatric facility, I met this boy who had drug-induced Psychosis, and that was pretty much permanent. His brain must have been completely scrambled.

Edgewise

Yeah, you are refering to psychotic episodes, I guess. Schizophrenia is of a more permenant nature, although, I must admit, mine is somewhat subsiding, enough to allow me to write consistantly at least. The road to recovery is slow.

__________________
What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"

JoannaMac

I'm very glad to hear that yours is subsiding. I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with the stresses of constantly thinking that other people are out to get you, including the voices inside yourself. It must be very difficult to maintain self esteem. I guess it must make you very tired at times. I hope you can push through it and come out a happy person at some point.

__________________
If you aint got nuffink, you can't lose it!

Edgewise

As hard as it may be to believe, Joanna, I am moderately happy at this point: I write regularly, I have a steady job, and I am a successful student. I am still a pessemist however (just look at my quotes).

Thanks for taking the time to read and empathize.

__________________
What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"