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I live in Korea right now working as an aerial artist in a night club. The other night after threatening to quit our job, my partner and I went up to the boss’s office (Mr Yi) to renegotiate the terms of our contract. This is an excerpt from my diary concerning the evenings events. Thought you might find it slightly amusing. One day I hope to publish the whole diary.
The only other thing worth mentioning about that night concerns flatulence. Mr Yi shares his office with a three other people; Mr Kim the head engineer, Mr Im, an investor, and another man whom I'd regularly seen in there but was never introduced to. Rotund and in his mid-sixties, I've no idea what his job is at the club, and I don't think I've ever heard him speak. Most often when I've seen him he's asleep sitting on the lounge, snoring quietly with his mouth open.
While in the office negotiating our new deal with Mr Jang (stage manager), Mr Yi and Mr Kim, this man came in and sat down at a desk behind one of the computers. As usual I forgot he was there until he farted loudly. In the rather strained atmosphere of the office, it was the last thing I expected to hear, and as no one else acknowledged it, I thought perhaps I was hearing things.
There had been a similar incident concerning Mr Im one time in the office, where I was pretty sure I'd heard him fart but couldn't be certain as once again it didn't register with anyone else. At the time he'd been leaning against a leather couch and I'd rationalized to myself that leather can sometimes make squeaky noises reminiscent of farting. Yes, I thought, that must have been it because how is it that no one else seemed to have heard it?
I've never been in the situation where a loud public fart didn't elicit some sort of reaction from people near by. Farting is something we all do, but where I'm from, one does ones best not to get caught doing it in public as the results are usually rather embarrassing. Utterances of disgust will often be heard as people move away from the source of the offending noise, covering their noses to protect themselves from the ensuing bad smell. At the very least people will point and laugh.
I remember being at gymnastics training one Saturday morning when I was about 12. I was up on the beam with my arms above my head preparing to do a backward walk-over. For some reason despite having done it thousands of times before, I'd developed a block and became petrified of falling off. My coach Mrs Schultz made me try it on the low beam which was fine, and then on a slightly higher one, which was also fine, but when it came to the Olympic height, I freaked out and couldn't go through with it.
Mrs Schultz became impatient and said loudly "Right Joanna! What’s wrong with you? I don’t have time for this!" Other people in the gym stopped what they were doing to look over, which made me even more nervous. "Come on Joanna!" she barked "Quit wasting my time! You're not coming down till you’ve done it, so I’d get on with it if I were you!" Now everybody had turned to see what all the fuss was about. Dismayed I looked down at all the expectant faces and suddenly without warning, my stomach took matters into it's own hands. I farted, and not just a little toot either. This was the expulsion of built up nerves and panic. I didn't see it coming and was totally unprepared for it's violence.
Despite my protesting bowel, I remained rooted to the spot, arms above my head. At first there was silence, but then someone snorted and suddenly everyone else packed up laughing. In a state of shock I stood frozen in the preparatory position until my brain caught up with events, after which I jumped down from the beam, charged through the crowd and hid in the toilet. I'll have to stay in here forever, I thought. For how could I possibly live this down? I was never a popular child, but now I’d be officially a social leper. The roaring laughter bouncing off of the gym walls still echoes in my head today.
Anyway back to Mr Yi's office. The man had just farted, and the absurdity of it especially given the stressful circumstances, made me want to laugh out loud. Very carefully not looking at Vlad, I quickly scanned the faces of the other people in the office to see if anyone noticed, but they’d chosen to ignore it. I fought to control my face and the more I tried, the harder it became.
And then he farted again! I happened to be looking at him at the time, and distinctly saw him lean to one side, pass wind, and sigh contentedly. It was too much. I can't imagine what I must have looked like, but the next ten minutes were a real struggle. I absolutely knew laughing was out of the question, which only went to increase my growing hysteria. The urge to laugh was so strong I thought the top of my head might blow off if I didn't find a way to release the tension.
Somehow I swallowed it though. Concentrating hard on a spot on the floor, I ground my teeth together and rubbed holes in my temples. I gave my thigh a good pinch which helped bring me back from the brink. Slowly the tightness in my head dissipated. What a shame. I rarely get the chance here to have a good belly laugh, and nearly blew a gasket trying to suppress it.
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Originally Posted by Thoth
VERY FUNNY !
I liked your title. It caught my attention right off and made me want to look and see what had been written about it. And your story was hilarious!! 
I was laughing as I read it. Very good.
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