Thread: Crossing the Road with John Edward

Just a silly article I wrote for my newsletter...

Crossing the Road with John Edward

“I’m sensing something. Something is coming to me. Your loved one. Was your loved one a female? She was? Ok, she’s coming through here. Her name, did it start with… an A? Maybe an Amy or Annabelle? No? What about B? What? Surely it must start with C? No? Okay, moving on to you, sir. Does your family have a secret? They do? Great. Did your loved one have… a hobby? Yes? Well he wants me to communicate that to you. He wants you to know that… he enjoyed it when he was alive. Yep. Did your loved one brush his hair of a morning? Get dressed for work? Yep, that’s definitely him. He’s coming through to me.”

This is the side of John Edward we know and love. His talent, his quick wit and charming personality makes him very rich… ah, very good at what he does. But do you notice that touch of zany, black humour? That streak of comedy that sometimes ripples through his shows? Have you ever wondered where that comes from?

Unbeknownst to the wider (ha!) community, John Edward has a secret past. Yes – he wants to communicate to you the story of his somewhat sordid history – that of a… brace yourselves… stand up comedian!

While you may be startled at first, you’ll find you’re not unduly surprised. I mean, his current show has my family in stitches every time it graces our screen before we quickly flick over to Will & Grace on Arena.

“I used to do quite a lot of the slapstick end of the comedy spectrum,” John tells our investigative reporter. “Then I sort of evolved into the death humour, toilet humour, dry humour and vitreous humour. Some great material in there.”

John smiles fondly in remembrance. So, we must wonder, how on earth can a career in comedy be so quickly changed to a career in the paranormal?

“It was one of those things, you know?” he chuckles. “I backed into the host of this new talk show in California, and while I was trying to hide the body, the producer kind of mistook me for this cadaver. So I go in to the studio having no idea what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I tried one of my death jokes, and the rest is history really.”

It is an extraordinary tale for a pretty ordinary bloke. John tells us exclusively what spawned his period of philosophical thought that has made him so famous. That and acting like a total and complete moron on screen, deceiving millions.

“I did a lot of ‘chicken crosses road’ type material back then. And one day, I’d had a few too many joints and I got to thinking. What DID come first? The chicken or the con-artist?”

It’s a rags-to-riches story. How an innocent stand up comic used chicken jokes to hack into the industry of deceit, manipulation and stupid Americans, changing the deaths of totally boring people forever.

Well I just came across this in my travels through this new land of writing. I enjoyed the first part especially, the changes of gender in the search unless it was two or multi personalities, gawd knows, but I loved the name letter game.

The rest was interesting, strange how things just sometimes fall into place and others you have to fight tooth and nail to stay almost afloat.

Interesting read with a bit of humour to boot, well done

Sync

Thanks so much, Sync - the best thing about writing humourous articles is that they are really fun to write.