Thread: Animal Farm Essay

I'm in ninth grade, and I need some help on my essay. NOTE: This is to be ninth grade level. no college suggestions please.

Imagine a beautiful Earth, with no wars, just a sparkling, clean utopia. Everyone there on Earth is equal, and through being equal, great feats have been achieved. This could happen if communism is ever implemented correctly. Communism hasn’t worked as it has been intended because of greed, corruption, and influences from capitalist societies. If it was ever done perfectly, however, the world would quickly turn into communists. These reasons are supported through quotes and examples from George Orwell’s 1949 novel Animal Farm and communist China under Mao Zedong’s rule.
Greed makes communism not work as it has been intended to. Because of humanity’s natural want for more, greed is something that must be overlooked in order for communism to work. In Animal Farm, the greed is used to show how communism can fail. It is used in the ways of how Napoleon and the rest of the pigs were greedy by not doing any work and having everything better than the other animals. This example from Animal Farm alludes to Chinese history by showing how the pigs are the Communist party and they get party privileges. These include more rations, better lifestyle, more money, and some luxuries. Greed also gets in the way of how communists think everyone is supposed to be equal. In Animal Farm, this is shown through how, after years of living under Animalism, the pigs take away all commandments and use greed to say that “Some Animal’s are equal, but some are more equal than others”(pg.133). This quote shows how they took and used their power over the animals and how greed now controls them. This detail is represented in China by the ways of how Mao’s parties. He took money, which was greed, and used it for his own purposes. In conclusion, because of greed, communism has not worked as it has been intended.
Corruption also made communism not work in both Animal Farm and China. If Leaders take too much power, they become corrupt, which ends up ruining communism and eventually making it a dictatorship. In Animal Farm, they become corrupt by taking safety into the farmhouse and also by having people killed for having even mentioned Snowball, the pig whom was exiled for supposedly opposing Napoleon and Animalism itself. In China, this is represented by the way how Mao takes money from the government treasury and by using it for his own means, he nearly bankrupts the entire country. Also, corruption can lead to the work forces, who wish to do more work and combine their workloads in order to impress the already-corrupt leader. In Animal Farm, this is shown through how many animals take their workloads and put them upon Boxer, especially the pigs, which did absolutely no work at the end of the book. In China, this represents how Mao’s “Great Leap Forward”, though it looked good on paper, failed horribly and shoved the country into famines. The way this happened was that Mao wanted the “Great Leap Forward” to encourage people to make steel and harvest more grain. Wanting to be more “communist” peasants took anything that was metal and smelted it down in order to make steel. They also were encouraged to make grain, which made many villages combine their share, and leave little to be divided among the villages after the government came through and took control of it. As shown here, corruption often leads to destruction of the communist society, leading to a third-world, very under-developed country.
Capitalist influences make communist societies not turn out the way they should, either driving them into capitalism, or making a socialist state. Because of the capitalist influences, many communist societies turn into other governments. In Animal Farm, this is shown through the fact of Napoleon’s reign slowly turning into a dictatorship through the ways capitalism comes through the gates and into the farm. In China, this is shown through how the economic situation has changed. They are still mostly communist, but take on a socialist type of state (Socialism is a government and economic type of government which lets the government pay for everything). Because of capitalism, many communist nations become corrupt. Before capitalism came into the farm in Animal Farm, they were pure Animalists. Afterwards, their government system was heavily corrupted by alcohol shown by the trader and representative of the farm to them. China had barely any capitalist ties, being allies of the Soviet Union for most of the Cold War. When the finally turned away from the Soviets, they went up to the US and began an unsteady relationship with them. Because of this influence, much of China’s free-market economy is gone, replaced by a socialist-type economy. In conclusion, capitalist influences ruin communist states.
Communism was created as a social ideology that was intended to slowly occur over thousands of years. Animal Farm shows the ways of Lenin, the Russian revolutionary who believed in Karl Marx’s ideals and took them into making a governing system. In Old Major’s speech, there is nothing which directly points to him as the Karl Marx of the book. Old Major is more like Vladimir Lenin, whom wishes for a communist revolution to be now, and not wishing to wait for thousands of years. With Mao’s ‘communist’ rule in power, Mao supported a near communist state in the beginning, but then supported a soviet from of government. Through this support, Mao formed a Soviet China. Karl Marx’s teachings, on the other hand, took place years ahead of even our time, making communism something that must be achieved morally before physically formed into a government. With that being said, non-communist peoples have little argument. Buddhism states that you must let go of everything that you desire, and become equal with one another. If communism cannot work, how can Buddhism? It can’t, for they are one and the same in many ideals. Also, Karl Marx never wanted Lenin to take control of a political party, make it communist, and introduce Leninism to the entire world through the October Revolution. With these thing being said, Karl Marx’s ideals were never to be put into a government, to be put into social ideology.
In conclusion, communism can work, but has been implemented ineffectively. Greed and corruption have been two of the main reasons why communism has failed in our societies. Another reason why it has failed is capitalist influences on the communist nations. The last reason why communism has failed is because they have not been using true communism, rather a form of Leninism.

needs some work, but i can't do a good job of editing here... you can send this to me if you want some help with it...

love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

What school do you go too since I have to do the same thing.

well first of all Animal farm was published in 1945 or 1946 (1984 was published in 1949), and was consciously designed to parody the Russian revolution, not the Chinese. The slogan is "All animals are equal, but some Animals are more equal that others. napoleon is stalin and snowball is trotsky. Boxer is a reference to the stakanovite movement in Russia in the 1930's. I suggest that you read a little about Animal farm and rewrite your essay.

I couldn't distinguish a thesis statement... that's just a little important. Your evidence isn't really substantive.

I really loved Animal Farm! I hope you do well on this essay.

Some suggestions:
First Point – If this paper is supposed to be in MLA format, as many high school papers are, you should not use contractions. They are a major malefaction against MLA style.
Second point - If you want to talk about the definition of communism (Greed makes Communism....), then you need to address that somewhere in your thesis statement, which normally comes at the end of the first paragraph of high school essays. A thesis, according to Merriam-Webster, is a position or proposition that a person advances and offers to maintain by argument. Simply stated, a thesis is your position, and the point of your paper is to support that position. If you're going to talk about the communism and its relationship with Animal Farm, then you need to address that specifically in the thesis statement of your first paragraph, or at least at the end of your introductory paragraphs. You can assume that your readers already are acquainted with communism and do not need to know what it means, and therefore not explain it, or you can include that in your thesis. As you have it now, your definition with greed and communism is extraneous material because your seeming thesis - "These reasons are supported through quotes and examples from George Orwell’s 1949 novel Animal Farm and communist China under Mao Zedong’s rule." - addresses the reasons for greed, corruption, and influences from capitalism, not communism itself. Tighten your thesis to make it more encompassing. What you should do, is combine your sentence with greed, corruption, and capitalism and that of Animal Farm and Mao Zedong’s rule to have a thesis statement. You can utilize subordinate clauses to do this:

In his novel Animal Farm, George Orwell explores the reasons why communism could not work—namely, greed, corruption, and capitalist influence—through drawing parallels with Mao Zedong’s rule in communist China.

Third point – I know you said this should be ninth grade level and I’m looking at this from an AP English perspective, however, it is important to include plenty of textual examples. Plenty!! In your entire essay, you have one textual reference. You should include more direct quotes. As far as documentation goes, you should also document your sources for the information that you have on Mao Zedong; you don’t know these things personally – i.e. you didn’t pull them out of your memory bank – so you must document where you found this information. Otherwise, it’s plagiarism, even if you do rephrase and put into your own words what the original author said.

Fourth point – This is minor, but I hate it. “With these thing being said…” is bad. You didn’t say anything, first of all. Second, that makes your paper less formal, and in essays you should stay as formal as possible. Try rephrasing it. Perhaps:

Also, Karl Marx never wanted Lenin to take control of a political party, make it communist, and introduce Leninism to the entire world through the October Revolution; CONSEQUENTIALLY, Karl Marx’s ideals were never to be put into a government SO THAT THEY COULD be put into social ideology.

Everyone there on Earth is equal

There on Earth? Where are you writing this essay from, Saturn?

Also, your essay doesn't give a lot of specific examples from the text (Animal Farm). It mostly has your thoughts about greed and a lot of somewhat-uninteresting facts about Maoist China. An essay about Animal Farm should have more details about such.