Thread: Mobile Phones (Exposition)

Hey guys i wrote an expository peice on why driving and talking on mobile phones (cell phoes) is extreamly dangerous,

Please note this exposition might shock you, due to the death count,

Please click the safe link to see the exposition,

http://www.socyberty.com/Issues/Usin...a-danger.12836

All Facts and statements are true and quoted from major sites.

Thank you very much,
Please tell me what you think

Need to watch for proper word usage and tighten up your sentences. Remember paragraph construction, lead-in sentences and appropriate seques. I would recommend editing and reposting this. Credibility is somewhat diminished when the writing is less than polished. Freewriting is fine, but you always want to put your best foot forward so your credibility is built on a good foundation. We're all prone to typos, but don't be afraid to edit, edit, edit!

Hundreds of people die on the Australia roads yearly, due to road traffic accidents. A big percentage of these deaths are due to people talking on mobile phones while driving. This is not only life threatening to the driver but to innocent Pedestrians to. Using a hand held mobile phone while driving is illegal in many countries including the UK and Australia , those caught in the UK are usually prosecuted for dangerous or careless driving. If caught talking on a phone while driving in the UK it would cost you $100 to $1000. In Australia it would cost you $225 and 3 demerit points. Don't you think their should be more dire consequences?

[Revision Example] Hundreds of people die annually on Australia's roads due to traffic accidents. A large percentage of those deaths are due to motorists distracted by their mobile phones, creating a potentially life-threatening environment for fellow motorists and pedestrians alike. The use of hand-held mobile phones while driving is an illegal activity in many countries, including the UK and Australia. Those motorists caught in the act may be fined between $100 and $1,000. In Australia, a fine of $225 and the loss of three points against one's license is likely. Are not more stringent consequences necessary to deter motorists from using their mobile phones while driving?[End Example]

You would think that drink driving is bad, but you would never have thought that talking while driving is worse. New Australian research has shown that drunk drivers can stop faster in an emergency than sober drivers who are using their mobile phones. Some people think it's an important answer their hand held phone. Imagine how you would feel if you hit somebody and killed them. You would be scared for life, living with those unforgettable memories. All you have to do is buy a hands-free device which is compatible with most phones, they are not complicated to use and they do not need an expert to know how to use. They range from $30-$60. They are legal in Australia and they would save many lives on the Australian roads.

[Revision Example]
Who do you think presents a greater threat, a drunk driver or a distracted motorist using a mobile phone? New research in Australia shows that drunk drivers are more likely to stop faster in an emergency than are sober motorists using their mobile phones. Many people are compelled to answer their phone whenever it rings, but what would be the consequences if that motorist struck and killed someone while talking? Horrifying lifelong memories. For motorists who must use their mobile phones while driving there is a simple solution, purchase a hands-free earpiece. Models are available for most types of phones, most are relatively uncomplicated, range in price from $30-$60, and are legal in Australia. As a citizen of Australia, would you invest in one if you knew it would save lives on Australia's roadways?[End Example]

It is a sight that is now becoming increasingly common as more people than ever before have mobile phones; it has been proven that more people are starting to drive to work instead of taking crowded public transport. Phone conversations have been shown to cause a co gnitive distraction in drivers. In other words, the driver's brain is intensely engaged with the conversation, although he may appear to be paying attention to the road and passing cars. This does not happen with other common distractions, including conversations with passengers. Although they appear to be looking at objects, their brains are not registering a good portion of what they see. Therefore, a driver is impaired for the entire length of the phone conversation which would slow the driver's reaction time.

What would you rather? Stopping over on the side of the road, or potential injuring or killing an innocent person? It's your choice!

[Revison example]Motorists using mobile phones is becoming an increasingly common sight, increasing with the number of people opting to commute to work in private vehicles, foregoing crowded public transportation systems. Phone conversations have proven to be a cognitive distration for the new motorists, as well as the more seasoned ones. Although they may appear to be aware, their brains are not processing a large portion of what they actually are seeing. The motorist's judgment is impaired for the conversation's duration, and their reaction time is slowed accordingly.

In the end, the choice still remains the motorist's responsibility, whether to stop on the side of the road until the conversation is concluded or to continue driving, risking injury or death to another motorist or pedestrian in the event of an accident. Put yourself in the motorist's seat, what would you choose?[End Example]