Thread: Relationship: An Essay in Comparison

Relationship:

An Essay in comparison

We, two, different people, similar in application are different if you look close. Though we act almost the same the reasons therein are not.

We, In some things, are quite different:

You, your fractured sexuality, your tainted past love.

Me, my fractured mind, my tainted emotional state.

Two incidents of innocence lost, willingly, unwillingly, both wrong.

You held no illusion of Forever and I held illusions of Never.

You were right and wrong to be.

I was wrong but should have been right.

Mine was taken and yours was given.

Thus I couldn’t give and you couldn’t stop.

You now fear a physical taint,

Deathly afraid of death in your blood.

I, now ready

To give you everything,

You are more then good enough,

In your parent’s eyes.

I will never do enough to earn the approval of mine.

You strive for an acceptance you already have,

While I scorn one I shall never get.

What an odd oxymoron

We two compared become.

In career I know that I can do it,

But have no idea how.

You are well on your way

Yet doubt your ability.

I know what I want

And can not have it.

You could have almost anything

But don’t know that you’d like

How oddly it is

Well practiced You

Fear what you might give me

And I

Without the relaxation of long experience

Seek with open arms

This physicality of love.

I who know love

And you who know sex

I greatly desire to face this world

Yet almost never have I

You wish not to face it

Yet have to constantly

I cannot let go of the past

And you cannot see the future

And in ways much the same:

We both want to make this world a better place

To set it on fire

And watch the rains make it new.

We both love words

Though your love is studied

Mine wild and indiscrete

I envy you, you envy me.

You seek in your sexuality to please

I seek this in mine too.

Both of us accept our personal need for pleasure

But put above our own need that of our lovers.

Which consequentially fuels our own.

What a lovely battle we will ever have

What perfect paradox create

When we come together.

Never to stop, only resting for a time

Before, in fire, our passions are joined

To again in war make-love.

Each equally giving in

And taking control

Neither victor, your or I

But We.

We both are good to everyone

In advice and care

Yet ever poor in both of these

Only to ourselves

We both hate to ask for help

To cry, or weakness show

Yet both of us, we long to have

Someone in whom to confide.

Someone we can lean on

When we find ourselves weak and drained

From our efforts to be strong.

Both of us, we fear to trust

Yet inspire it so easily

The two of us who would never betray

Fear betrayal endlessly.

We, who listen to the secrets of all,

To all a confidant

Fear constantly the revelation

Of secrets that are ours.

We feel guilt and shame easily

Yet show only strength and pride

Both of us are very proud

Fighting even when we know we’re wrong

To never be seen as so

We give far beyond our means

To our own detriment

Because it’s so hard to say ‘No’

When you only want to give.

Yet half of what we really want

Is just to be seen as nice.

We beat ourselves for weaknesses

Neither of us can help

And refuse to forgive ourselves

When we slip the tiniest bit.

Willing to go a thousand miles

For one we care about

Yet afraid to take a single step

For only ourselves.

Still others, different, yet the same:

You grew up feeling safe and loved

Repressed and never good-enough.

I, always in danger, unloved and alone

Grew to be without shame and see myself better then them.

Yet both of us gained strength, self expression

And a love for those around us.

You seek always to prove yourself to others,

I, to only myself,

Both seeking approval.

I seek a home of my own

Because I’ve never had one.

You seek the same because you know

How good a home can be.

Yet:

All these things

Both good and bad

Both different and the same

Are why I choose to think

That you and I, perfectly flawed

Would fit perfectly Together

We could keep each other focused

We can make each other see

Past despair and pain, fear and hate

To how amazing things could be

You will teach me

Of all the things I lack

And I in turn will take the torch

And teach you right back

You’ll push me forward

And hold me up

And I’ll do the same for you

I can for once accept help

I’ll even ask for it

I can trust you,

Though it makes no sense

And I think you feel the same

If we look, this could be

Everything we’re looking for

Fulfillment to all we lack

And use for talents all.

Together if we let ourselves

We have the chance for what is rare:

Happiness.

So let's ignore how crazy this might come to be

Let us throw our much-loved caught

Away to the four winds

For though to an outside eye

We might look less then wise

Let’s give this the fighting chance

To be Our Lifelong-Romance.

sorry, but it's too annoying to read, centered as it is... even if you meant this to be poetry, it shouldn't be... that only works for greeting cards and embroidered wall hangings...

love and hugs, maia

Don't be sorry, i know it's a weird..item. I don't even know what to call it, it's not supposed to be poetry, though i know it came out almost like it.
This is just something that flowed from me in this VERY odd format a few nights ago. It seemed to strange i typed it up from the note pad where i'd scibbled it, cleaned it up a little bit and posted it wondering if anyone else has ever had moments like this.

Would it be easier to read if i wasn't formatted?

Hi Rosie,

take what I say with a pinch of salt because I'm not well practised in giving critiques but I do have an opinion.

I found it a little confusing. I wasn't really sure about what you were (are) trying to say. Also some of the words you use seem a little out of place ("application" in the first line and "incidents of innocence lost" - though they sound nice, I'm not sure about the meaning...).

Anyway, it's better than anything I could do at the moment!

Would it be easier to read if i wasn't formatted?

definitely!

Paul: It's understandable that you're confused, as I myself am a little confused by this piece, lol. When I started writing it I had no idea what I was trying to do, when I ended it I was trying to make it a piece comparing myself to a man I’ve recently met. The two of us are very alike, but the reasons we act the way we do are very different. He and I fell in love and I think, looking back over this, it's almost a letter two him about us. I posted it because I thought it was an interesting comparison of two human natures.

I should probably rewrite this with less flourish and more prose. Thanks for the comment =)

Maia: I think i AM going to totally rewrite this in a new format. Check again in a day or so if you're still interested and thanks to you also =)

I should probably rewrite this with less flourish and more prose.

...a wise decision...

Maia: I think i AM going to totally rewrite this in a new format. Check again in a day or so if you're still interested and thanks to you also =)

...will do...

I'd say, yes, it needs work and clarity. You seem to know what needs done already with the more prose and less flourish comment.

I have to say though.. being that I just went through darn near the same thing.. this peice really really touched me. I can understand it perfectly, at least to my own interpretation, because I think you just dipped into my soul and found the words I had been looking for for almost a year now. I really hope you continue to work on this, and if you do, please keep me posted!

Rosie,

I'm not usually a connoisseur of poetry, but I do know what I like. This is well done. I recommend taking a second look at only one word.

"We might look less then wise"

I think you mean "than" not "then".