Thread: On the topic of Coldplay

I got home from school today at the same time I usually do, about 3:30. I was hungry (having spent the past few hours in a teachers-vs.-students volleyball tournament), so I decided to make myself some hot dogs. (And in case you're wondering: yes, I do get sick of hot dogs. So very fucking sick.)

As my hot dogs sat on the stove making themselves edible, I turned on the TV. A quick flip through all the channels told me there was nothing good to watch. So I did what I always do in situations like that: turn to MuchMusic and loudly make fun of whatever's on.

At this particular moment in time, MuchMusic was showing an entire concert: Coldplay in Toronto. Here is everything I knew about Coldplay before watching this particular program:

- They're a band from England
- That one guy is married to Gwyneth Paltrow
- I think I heard one of their songs playing in the background on Coronation Street one time

Here is what I learned by watching the program:

- Coldplay sucks.

I think the thing that bothered me most about the concert was how packed the venue was. I have never seen so many people crowded so close together in all my life (and that includes all that footage of Chinese hospitals I watched one lonesome summer night).

At first I thought nothing of it. I mean, if a bunch of people like a band a lot and that band happens to come to town, it stands to reason that they are going to want to go. As the show progressed and I realized that all Coldplay's songs are the exact same not-very-good song, however, a sort of frenzy overtook me. I started shouting things like "How can people listen to this crap?!" and slamming my fists on the counter.

My brother, from his seat at the computer, laughed and said "Well, how can people listen to......Simple Plan?"

"That's totally different," I said. "Yeah, they both suck, but at least with Simple Plan there's this.....kind of energy, you know? This shit......what IS this shit?! This isn't music! These people should be playing in a fucking nursing home to calm down the comatose!"

I could hear a bubbling noise building up. Thinking I was about to have some sort of stroke, I turned off the TV. It was only then, as the bubbling noise continued, that I realized my hot dogs were done.

Well that was entertaining, I must say.

You watch Coronation Street? xD

I do indeed watch Coronation Street. Shaddup.

Oh I watch it quite frequently, I just thought I was the only one.
I do it for the entertainment of watching Brits trying to yell. xD

I think Coldplay's fans simply share their obsession with mixolydian mode. In which the band can't...fucking...stop...writing.

I used to like their first album. Then it became a couple songs from their first album. Then I got sick of it. And now I hate Coldplay. Generic horse shit.

They're not that bad. Not the bets band ever, certainly, but they're more than tolerable.

In any case, if you watch soap operas, I think I can safely discount your opinion on anything. It's like finding out someone doesn't believe the Holocaust happened. Their poor judgement in that one area corrupts anything else they will ever say.

Not "Soap Operas." Just the one.

While we are on the subject of soaps: Coldplay are the musical equivalent of Eldorado. I think anyone who ever saw that will know which side I am on in the 'Coldplay: bad or worse' debate.

I'm going to put myself out there and say that I can't listen to Coldplay because frankly, they make me cry. Something about "Yellow" and "The Scientist" just makes me break out in tears.

There. I said it.

Now that that's all out of the way, what did you think of the writing itself? Were there any errors of any sort you noticed? I figure the best way to get good is to be corrected.

hey earthman buck,

It is easy to read. I had no trouble getting through it. Nothing wrong with the prose. Seems grammatically correct.

Writing wise, I think you need to stronger analysis than saying "Coldplay sucks". Saying that all their songs sound the same is good start. But you never really explain why. All your arguments are very generic, making your opinion less credible. Of course, this only applies if it the intention of this piece to criticize Coldplay.

But I guess the above depends on what your purpose is for this piece. Right now it feels more like a blog post.

It actually was a blog post. Same with the eggnog one I did a few days ago.

It's not so much meant to be criticizing Coldplay as giving people a laugh, which I hope it did. I think I'm a way better writer when it comes to stuff like this than say, stories or lyrics.

It doesn't matter in a blog post, only as much as you care and that it can be understood

I liked it. It was easy to read and as far as I can tell, grammatically correct. But, I happen to really like Coldplay and you didn't really give any good reasons of why they, in your opinion, suck.