Eggnog

**earthman buck** · 12-12-2006, 10:25 PM

Being an alumnus of "The Lazy Bitch Culinary Academy," supper options can generally be grouped into two categories: Campbell's soup and other shit. Being a Tuesday, today was one of many many other shit nights.

I checked the freezer, but we were all out of chicken strips and fries. That left me no option other than hot dogs. I opened the fridge to check if we actually had any weiners in stock. I rummaged through various meats, finding nothing. Then, buried behind a package containing what I can only assume to be turkey breast, I spotted the corner of a ziploc bag. Thinking it to be weiners, I pulled it out. It turned out to be a lonesome, very moldy sausage.

I shoved it back under the unspoiled meats and backed away in disgust. My face contorted, I let out a Napoleon-Dynamite-esque "Gawd!!"

My freshly-soiled eyes slowly traveled up a shelf and rested on an unfamiliar green and beige milk-type carton. I read the letters near the top: "Lait de poule."

'Lait de poule?' What the fuck is that? Like, 'milk of chicken?' What kind of all-natural shit is mom into n-- Wait! Could it....could it BE?! It IS!!!!!

Before I could stop it, I let out a high-pitched squeal of glee. This prompted my frightened brother in the other room to shout "What? What is it?"

All I could get out was "Nog!!! Sweet, sweet nog!!!!"

My first eggnog glass of this year's holiday season sits beside me now. I have refrained from drinking it this long simply so I can share the experience with all of you. Here it goes now:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That's the shit. Baby Jesus died for eggnog, and I'm fucking glad.