Thread: Help -- Feedback, please?

Hi All,

Posted this nonfiction piece on age gap relationships in the critique forum but haven't gotten any response yet:

http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=61025

A little feedback would be nice if you've got a moment -- thanks!

i responded to it in the other thread... please see my post there...

I did, thank you.

I remember you from my brief stint here before. Tell me. Why do you no longer write for pay?

ETA: Nevermind. I read it and I get it. In fact, other than the "writer" part, I've lived it. I think I'm still going to make a go of a writing career anyway. Although I'll probably steer clear of the porn industry.

ETA (the second): Okay, I've read further. I was born the day after Johnson signed the voting rights act. I've got a while to go before I can say I've lived a life like yours.

Another ETA: I think I was a maïa most of my life. After a lifetime of living in lower case letters, I think I am finally ready to capitalize myself.

I remember you from my brief stint here before. Tell me. Why do you no longer write for pay?

...for the 'why's, see 'why your money's no good'; 'alms for the rich'; 'triage'; and 'what am i?' in the essay section of my site...

ETA: Nevermind. I read it and I get it. In fact, other than the "writer" part, I've lived it.

...oh?!... in what ways?... i'm always seeking a kindred spirit, so would love to know where our lives mesh... and what does 'ETA' stand for?...

I think I'm still going to make a go of a writing career anyway. Although I'll probably steer clear of the porn industry.

...that would be nice...

ETA (the second): Okay, I've read further. I was born the day after Johnson signed the voting rights act. I've got a while to go before I can say I've lived a life like yours.

...a few decades, that's for sure!

Another ETA: I think I was a maïa most of my life.

...in what way/s?...

After a lifetime of living in lower case letters, I think I am finally ready to capitalize myself.

...well, that's a definite not-like-me thing, since i 'de-capitalized' myself at the fairly ripe old age of 57... if you don't want to share personal history here, do drop me an email... i'd love to know how and how long you've lived like i do now, and why on earth you'd want to give it up...

love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

It’s a real sweet personal essay but I have to agree with Lorlie that it’s just a bit too personal, in a way it sounds like a letter or conversation to a friend instead of an actual article. In some ways it reads like a story from one of those ’Cup of Comfort’ books, but at the minute the language and flow needs to be worked on a little. If you ever decided on maybe looking for a magazine to publish your personal essay, then it would need a bit of a rewrite and you would need to do some research on the general topic.
Overall, an interesting topic which could be really good with a little work.

Just my two cents worth

Thanks for the feedback -- actually, that's exactly the direction I'd hoped to be headed with this one. It's just a personal essay I'd written a few months ago during a sentimental moment and after I read it, I was a little surprised that it had turned out fairly well. I thought that (perhaps with a little work) someone might like it for one of their "cup of this" or "serving of that" books.

You've got mail, maïa. And ETA = "edited to add"

Have you received my email? Not sure how long it takes for you to get back to people when they email you but I thought I'd check in...

i get back instantly or sooner... i never got your email and check this forum just once a day, so only now saw your posts... btw, what does 'edited to add' mean?...

i found an email link on your website, so am emailing you as we speak, to see if that works any better... i see you use hotmail, too, so i can't imagine what the problem can be... fingers crossed, m

I kept entering "submit post" and then going back to add something so each time I went back and added, I put in the "ETA" tag. At the bottom of the post where I'd written "ETA," you can see in italics, "Lasted edited on..." so, in some forums, folks sometimes point out the comment they'd added.

I think the email address on my website had gone inactive. I'll resend from my yahoo address and put "FROM BRUMMYSBRIDE" in the subject line.

glad we finally 'met' off the board!... looking forward to a reply... let me know if it made it back to you ok... i sent it off this morning, first thing... about 4 hours ago...

hugs, m