Thread: The Two Most Deadly Sins

The Two Most Deadly Sins

There are certain things in this world that bug me to no avail. Every time I have to listen to these abominations of the language I feel like making the people who say them watch the movie “Gigli” over and over again, while listening to the song “Helena” on constant repeat. Yes, that is exactly how much they bug me.

1. Before we can begin to understand the phrase “no offense”, we must break it down into its basics. The word “no” means, “used to express refusal or denial or disagreement”. The word “offense” means, “a discourtesy: a lack of politeness; a failure to show regard for others; wounding the feelings or others”. So, if I have this right then, the phrase “no offense” is a refusal to show someone else a discourtesy. Sounds like a very polite thing to say on the surface, but when one is to look farther into the murky depths of the English language they will find this phrase is the exact opposite of its definition.

This phrase is almost always followed by the word “but”, and that always makes it offensive. Let me give you an example here, “No offense, but you suck at life”. Yes, you the reader suck at life. Is that offensive? Of course it is, and by tacking on the phrase no offense at the beginning I make it even more offensive.

2. Why is it that people have to argue about who had the worst day? Seriously, why don’t we argue about who had the better day? Do people enjoy having bad days so much that they must constantly revisit the memory? Why am I asking so many rhetorical questions?
I don’t enjoy having bad days, and I am assuming you don’t enjoy having bad days, so there is no point in debating the point of who had the worst day. Let me give you an example of a conversation. “Hey babe, how was your day?” asked the wife.

“My day, my day! My day sucked beyond belief, it was the worst day of my life. I actually had to work today! The printer got jammed, so I had to go to another building to print something. Then I spilled coffee all over my new khakis, and I to walk around like that all day. And then…” (They will probably start mumbling off into oblivion right about here), replied the husband.

“Oh, you think your day was bad? Today my boss made my re-type my annual report, just because it wasn’t double spaced. And then McDonalds was closed for lunch, so I had to go to some healthy food place. Can you believe that Bob, some healthy food place!” the wife retorted to her husband.
Please, do not become these people…

Haha. Hope you enjoyed my little piece, and I hope that you learned something...

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