Del.
Del.
Last edited by d.h.bryce; 12-29-2011 at 03:22 AM.
well, what i think may not be what you were hoping to hear, dh, but to be at all helpful, only complete honesty can do the trick... if you haven't turned this in yet, you can significantly up your grade, by considering the following:
your piece needs proper formatting, as well as a good proofread to catch the many mistakes in spelling, grammar and punctuation...
overall, i'm afraid it reads as if you were trying too hard to sound literary, so tossed in too many fancy words... not all of which are appropriate choices...
sentence structure/syntax is often scrambled to the point of incomprehensibility and simplification is badly needed, if the reader is to understand what you're trying to say...
since you wander in and out of various points you seem to be making, it's hard to grasp what the conclusion of your analysis might be...
if you want examples of any/all of the above, just let me know and i'll be glad to point some out and suggest how to correct them... i hope you can accept my comments in the helpful, caring spirit they were given... no offense is intended...
love and hugs, maia
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"You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi
If anyone wants to hear an analysis of "Alice in Wonderland" that takes the cake, all you have to do is listen to the old Jefferson Airplane song "White Rabbit"
They nailed it in that tune. Music is so useful.
Sliding we go, only fear on our side
To the edge of the wire, and we rush with the tide
Oh, the water is red with the blood of the dead
But I'm still alive, pray to God I survive
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