House of Wax Review

**Reilly Hall** · 05-30-2005, 06:01 PM

The only thing that will save this movie is the cast. This isn’t because they’re talented, but because hordes of teenagers are going to flock to this garbage to see Paris Hilton, who seemed to prove her ability as an actress a little while back on the internet. Kind of funny since co-star Elisha Cuthbert also got her big break playing a porn star.

If the movie was a spoof on the slasher genre, it might have worked, but it’s not. It attempts to reanimate the style, without realizing that no one takes hack and slash movies seriously.

We open on a group of teenagers on a road trip to see the big game. Let’s ignore the fact that the girls in the story don’t look like sports fans. Elisha then gets dirty, giving Chad Micheal Murray, the mimbo with three names, an excuse to take off his wife-beater tank top and give it to her. So now, we actually have a reason why the female lead is wearing something see-through. All the while, another friend stands around wearing what looks like three layers.

Next, they get stranded near the small town of Athelson, Iowa, home of the tourist trap (literally) the house of wax. Not just a house filled with wax figures, but actually a house made of wax. Somehow, the creators of the house have found a way to keep wax from melting in the summer heat of this backwater town.

The cast overact their characters to the point that they can’t be taken seriously, and all the while we think “that’s not what I would do…” Movies should suspend a sense of disbelief, not stupidity. Rather than draw the audience with a good plot, this one simply drives forth the young actors. How many movies do you see having a showcase on Much Music? Unfortunately, it will work, and the movie will do well.

Do yourself a favour, go rent Texas Chainsaw Massacre instead.

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***Spoilers***

In the end, the house of wax explodes when set on fire. That’s right, explodes. As a precaution, I’ve thrown out all of my candles, since chances are, lighting them will have the same effect as dynamite. The smoke from the explosion is the only reason help comes, which shows us that no one really felt the need to throw together a plausible ending.

**gohn67** · 06-01-2005, 02:48 AM

Do yourself a favour, go rent Texas Chainsaw Massacre instead.

House of Wax must be pretty bad then, if you're telling us to go watch the updated Texas Chainsaw Massacre becuase that was pretty bad.

Heard the old 70's one is good though.

**Wyndstar** · 06-01-2005, 03:09 AM

Actually, the 70s version was excellent. I thought it was pretty ground breaking for its style and the fact that it was based on reality, making it all that much more frightening (I think 'I spit on your grave' was playing around that time too---double feature).

You seldom ever get the same quality, or innovativeness, when you have remakes. Too much reliance on either T&A or special effects.

I don't even think that seeing Paris Hilton die would lure me to this film...