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Monday, 28 February 2005
It ain’t easy bein’ a writer.
Or wait, yes it is.
There’s mofos out there bustin’ their balls in the factory, in the store, in the office… hell, even on a movie set, if you really wanna be a cynic.
But the writers? Them writers got a sweet-ass deal, I’ll tell ya.
They sit on their asses slurping coffee/sprite/schoolgirl urine and staring at their monitors/typewriters/balls all day. Occasionally, they get paid for it as well. Sons of bitches, aren’t they?
Yeah, well a lotta shit wouldn’t fly if it weren’t for us. Like Superman or Neo, for example. (neo = anagrm 4 “1” lol)
Yeah, that’s some 1337 shit right there.
Writing an epic fantasy classic ain’t hard… actually putting it down on paper is. There’s a lot of shit tempting one away from one’s word processor nowadays. TV, movies, porn, friends, porn, porn, attempts at coming up with recreational possibilities other than porn, etcetera etcetera.
Of course, that squid from beyond space and time clogging my toilet ain’t doing a lot of good either. My room is starting to have a suspiciously fecal fragrance to it, but hell if some foreign tentacled whippersnapper is gonna tear my soul apart. HA! Devour that, you communist calamari bastard!
See, you probably cracked at least one smile and I didn’t even put on any pants this morning. Now THAT’s the life of a writer, baby.
Can anyone have it more made than a writer? These men or women are few and far between, I’ll tell you.
Let’s look at some contenders:
Bigg Snoop Dogg, esq.
B.S. Dogg, having long pimped his way into our hearts, has it pretty much made the Way of the Writer (perhaps a bit like Way of the Dragon, only no one has to talk to Chuck Norris). He has the services of many hoes, knows a lot about grass (nudge, nudge), and wouldn’t know how to spend his money even if his hoes with the skill “Profession (cook)” made special money-containing dinners every Thursday.
Lil’ skeptics might counter that the man has to actually create music to obtain this amount of money, but I’ll counter that by telling them they’re fags and I most likely had their moms’ asses in my face at one point in my life. Ah, memories. If they still bitch after that, I’ll just tell ‘em Snoop’s music is mostly produced by either Timbaland, Dr. Dre or the Neptunes and his lyrics are so one-sided he probably writes them while on the can. Kinda like me in the old days, the lucky squidless bastard.
Paris Hilton
That’s right, Paris Hilton. Think about it.
This woman hasn’t worked a day in her life; her looks are at best attractive in a hookerish sort of way, she isn’t active in any of the current popular arts, and I strongly suspect her of not having read any Stephen Hawking lately either. Her only talent is having a relatively pretty pussy. (Note that I don’t attribute “being a total slut” as a talent – that’s a state of mind).
Nay, instead most of her stardom comes from a (badly shot/lit/edited/non-ILM processed) sex tape featuring (badly shot/lit/edited/non-ILM processed) sex. Anyone could have, in fact, if one were so inclined, created one of a similar ilk in no time. Would it be as popular as hers? Without gerbils, not likely.
But still, Paris Hilton has shot to stardom without any discernible talent and/or effort on her part. Paris has truly mastered The Way of the Writer.
Kuato
Kuato had a sweet deal going, all he had to do was occasionally pop out of that dude’s gut and warn Arnold about shit. WAY OF THE WRITER!
P.S. I *know* writing is actually quite hard work, this just kind of all popped into my head on the above-mentioned date.
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