Hi, Lin. It's an interesting concept.
I had to read it twice before I got any idea of what your point is. I believe the point is that you're afraid even to talk to a woman. If you were to do so, I think you'd find signals everywhere, plainly visible. (I remember the first time a made a girl blush by saying something nice to her. I didn't ask her out. I didn't even try to get her phone number. I was an idiot.) If you don't know how to talk to a woman, maybe you wish there was some user manual on the subject. (Try Dale Carnegie's classic
How to Win Friends and Influence People.) These are just some ideas on how you could supplement the piece to make it clearer what the problem is.
I like the first line. (Even though I don't agree that you're weird.

) It's a great first line.
'Ever since I was little (old enough)...' Maybe instead:
since I was an adolescent? Or
a teen?
I also felt let down that you didn't come up at least with a plan to overcome the obstacle you face. Even if you gave up on the plan, accepting failure and misery, that would be something, some resolution to the conflict you've set up.
-TimK