Daddy Fixes My Heart - 643 words - Writers Forum

ihatebeans · 12-15-2003, 09:47 PM

Please reply with comments .... I'm a newbie and in desparate need of advice.

Daddy Fixes My Heart

Daddy came to my house on Easter Sunday, 2000. He brought my nieces with him so they could hunt eggs with my daughter. He sat in my living room and talked with me and my husband while the kids colored eggs in the kitchen. The details I remember so vividly. The weather wasn’t good that day so daddy decided he better get back home. Standing in my living room by the back door he bent down to give me a hug and a kiss, like he always did. I told him I loved him, like I always did. His last words to me were “Love you, babe.” He told the kids and my husband good-bye and he left.

That was the last time I saw daddy.

The next evening the phone rang. My mom was frantic. She said daddy had a heart attack and the paramedics were rushing him to the hospital. My family and I loaded up and drove as fast as we could. I prayed the whole time. I just knew he would be okay. Daddy was too strong to die. The doctors would do heart surgery or whatever they had to do and soon daddy would be home. We would carry on with our lives.

He was gone by the time I made it to the hospital.

Sometimes, I close my eyes and wonder if it was real. Has it been nearly three years since his death? It seems like it was just yesterday. Where have I been this whole time? What have I been doing? I guess I’ve been going through the motions of life without really living.

Those moments on Easter Sunday are precious to me and I never want to forget them. I had the opportunity to view his body at the hospital and again at the funeral home. I chose not to. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. Should I have seen him one last time? I have such a beautiful memory of our last day together and I think God planned it that way; He knew that the few hours I had with daddy on Easter was the only way I could handle that day being the last time I ever saw him.

Almost three years later I’m waking up. Since his death my life has been filled with major bouts of depression, therapy sessions, and chaos. Daddy would be disappointed in the way I’ve dealt with his death. He would want me to move on. Get over it and make something out of my life. This is why I have made the decision to carry on.

Previously, I made the decision not to.

Daddy was big and strong. He took care of everything. He fixed everything. He could wrap his arms around you and make you feel like nothing would ever hurt you. I don’t have that security anymore; at least not physically. But I can close my eyes and remember my last day with him and feel his arms around me as if it were real. I can hear him telling me not to let anything beat me down. He made me a strong person and because of that I know his strength is what has kept me alive. His strength is part of me and as a result I know daddy is always here with me.

Daddy lives in my heart.

I will never get over his death. I just deal with it differently now. As with many other people in my life he has his own little section in my heart and he’s always in there. He knows what I’m feeling. When my heart hurts and feels like it’s breaking all over again I just imagine it’s him moving around in there and putting the pieces back where they belong.

Daddy fixes my heart.

Farror · 12-19-2003, 04:47 PM

Hmm, interesting writing style and a very depressing story.

Now and then you have a few problems with your tense, you switch from past to present in places that do not make sense to do so.

I dont know if it was your intention or not to use very simple language, but it seems to detract from the writing. Perhaps you could write the first part in the same language as it's re-telling the past, but you should probably convert to a more mature language when you come back to the present.

One last thing, I was not wild about you using the title as your last line. In this particular piece of writing that was not effective.

Overall, good job, I think you just need to do some brushing up on it.

Keep up the good work!

ihatebeans · 12-19-2003, 06:13 PM

Farror, Thank you so much for the comments and suggestions. It has inspired me to work on it again. It is a depressing story that originated from a very depressing time in my life.

When I write it's usually something I'm passionate about. Writing is a means of therapy for me and it felt good to get that story on paper. Your advice will help me make the piece what I want it to be. Thanks again.

Farror · 12-19-2003, 08:21 PM

Hey, I'm just glad I could help!

Sneaky · 12-20-2003, 02:55 AM

I liked the simple language very much.

This story is about remembering a strong and loved person, an adult tells the story and uses "child-language" but not childish language just simple and plain words.

And i thought the ending was none too bad.

Memories are associated not only with brain but with heart, too.And if the heart hurts, a healing memory can be applied.

If you are rewriting this story, why not think about a line like "memories of him help me to fix my heart? for the ending.

To show that you are actively dealing with your loss, not being a " broken tool" that has been fixed?

Beatrice Boyle · 12-20-2003, 04:11 AM

First of all, welcome to the forums.

I loved it just the way it was...having been through death and loss several times in my life, I could relate to what you said and how you said it! I lost my dad when I was a young bride and although I had 3 babies (7mos., 2yr and 3yrs) I was still Daddy's little girl and felt his death tremendously!

Unfortunately, I had not started writing at the time, and my grief had no where to go. However, 14 yrs ago when I lost my husband, I could assuage my grief by expressing it in poetry and prose as you have done. This was a loving tribute to him, and precisely because it was simply written and from your heart, you sould be proud of your accomplishment, as I know he is!!

ihatebeans · 12-21-2003, 12:52 PM

Thank you so much Sneaky and Beatrice....It is so great to receive different opinions, feedback, etc... I really appreciate the kindness and advice.

I am looking forward to reading what everyone else has written and commenting ... it's just a very hectic time right now ... Can't believe Christmas is just a few days way!