Thread: Prison Life

For those of you who don't know I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you I was just recently released from a Maximum Security Prison in the state of Texas. I spent 10 years of my life for a crime I did commit. I'm in the minority as far as inmates are concerned. I admit my guilt. In doing so I also acknowledge the pain I put my love ones through. Meaning no Daddy, no brother, In order to get my life back on track I must forgive myself and in there lies my biggest problem. I have yet to accomplish that. I'm my own worse enemy, and I know it. For me to succeed I must empty my soul and heart, my emotions and thoughts, my loves and hates. I hope you follow my rantings and I please ask you to comment on any of it (including my spelling and grammar mistakes) Along the way i'm also getting to know myself and what's scary is there are things I don't like, but can improve. Thank you for entering my life as I entry yours.

Hello Phillip, welcome to the outside, it must be a bit scary and insecure after ten years maximum security, I don't know how much Texas prepares you for release, but somehow i don't see them spending lots on it. Anyway, a few small points on the writing.

For those of you who don't know I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you I was justTry reading it without this word, sometimes it adds something (The sentence was just ) usually not recently released from a Maximum Security Prison in the state of Texas. I spent 10 years of my life for a crime I did commit (Committed?. I'm in the minority as far as inmates are concerned. I admit my guilt. In doing so I also acknowledge the pain I put my love ones through. Meaning no Daddy, no brother, period, not comma In order to get my life back on track I must forgive myself and in there lies my biggest problem. I have yet to accomplish that. I'm my own worse worst enemy, and I know it. For me to succeed I must empty my soul and heart, my emotions and thoughts, my loves and hates. I hope you follow my rantings and I please ask you to comment on any of it (including my spelling and grammar mistakes) Along the way icapital'm also getting to know myself and what's scary is there are things I don't like, but can improve. Thank you for entering my life as I entry enter yours.

I am not sure about the logic of this "I must empty my soul and heart, my emotions and thoughts, my loves and hates." These are what differentiate a man from a machine. My feeling is that to move forward you may have to learn to accept them, and accept your past, then you can create a future they do not dominate, but which is based in reality. Good luck with that. People with a future vision and determination can cope with the most amazing obstacles though.

I believe 'commit' is the correct word Olly.

The people one loves are their loved ones, with a d.

Originally Posted by Rustgold

I believe 'commit' is the correct word Olly.

I believe Olly's replacing two words with one.

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

I believe Olly's replacing two words with one.

So he was
I do have to say though, I still believe 'did commit' is the correct term to use. I know the saying 'one word is better than two'; however in this instance, 'did commit' flows better for me than 'committed'.

Meaning no Daddy

I get the cringe worthy image of Prince Charles tongue tying over the word ‘mummy’ in an effort to be cute (or something). Just plain Dad sounds much better.

I have yet to accomplish that

I'm yet to accomplish this.


@philip : I'm sure you'll see a massive reduction in these grammar imperfections once the cobwebs get blown off. And feel welcome to tear apart any pieces I put on here should I ever be brave enough to do so.

To say 'a crime I committed' is a simple statement of fact. To say 'a crime I did commit' makes the statement emphatic. In this instance going for the lower word count, normally good, causes a loss in meaning.

Welcome to WF Philip. Forgive our haggling over nits.

Originally Posted by garza

To say 'a crime I committed' is a simple statement of fact. To say 'a crime I did commit' makes the statement emphatic. In this instance going for the lower word count, normally good, causes a loss in meaning.

Agreed.

Originally Posted by Rustgold

So he was
.



I get the cringe worthy image of Prince Charles tongue tying over the word ‘mummy’ in an effort to be cute (or something). Just plain Dad sounds much better.





@philip : I'm sure you'll see a massive reduction in these grammar imperfections once the cobwebs get blown off. And feel welcome to tear apart any pieces I put on here should I ever be brave enough to do so.

That is how people talk in much of the southern states. It's not trying to sound like anything, but authentic.

Thanks Mr. Buckle. I'll get better at all this. I really appreciate your words and help.

Thank you all. For the first time since re-entering your "world" (again) I feel like a belong. I also want to thank you all for commenting on my story. I take all comments as good comments.

Philip - this forum is a club made up of English speaking people from all over the world who enjoy writing.
The response you have had illustrates the point. You are very welcome to join.
'Mr' Olly is known to everyone as 'Olly'. You will make him fall off his perch if you refer to him as Mr.

We can edit your work, but it is difficult for us to teach you English grammar and punctuation. If I were writing on a horse forum I
would suggest you found a teacher. You certainly need a text book which teaches grammar. In England there are adult education classes
in which you can learn as an adult what you should have learned as a youngster. Look where you live in Texas for an adult education class.
Or, if classes are not readily available to you, seek out a retired school teacher or the like, who might agree to help you. Pensioners, and I am one, need something to do in their old age.

My fear is that we can correct a short piece of prose but the criticism will sooner or later wear you down and you might become depressed and that is not what you need.

Secondly, make a list of what of the events you want to write about. Put the subjects in some form of order. For example start describing yourself, your upbringing, your family then move on to your crime, your arrest etc etc - create a logical progression.

When writing you must have in mind an audience or maybe even a message. Your stories should follow the tone of that message. Already I see 'repentance' in what you have written so far. Lots of people warm to a repentant sinner.

I suggest you buy a copy of The Shawshank Redemption. Read it several times and then take it apart and study how the story develops. You will also benefit from a copy of The Collins Concise Dictionary - the big thick one.

Writing is one of those skills which improves with practice. So write at least a 1000 words every day and make it part of your daily routine. Write the first version in draft, then hours later read what you have written back to yourself. Do the words run smoothly?
Always spell check your work. Correcting the grammar is more difficult and that is the area for which you need a friend.
Finally save a fair copy in the computor for compilation.

There is a certain pathos, an angst, a regret, in your writing which tempts me to read your work. I have read the short articles which you have posted on the Forum but be aware that you have to write at least 40,000 words to claim to have written a book. However to attract a reader to your work, you will have to improve your understanding of grammar.

Philip, to achieve your objective you have a long walk in front of you but a man who has spent a decade in prison should be able to cope.
I, and many others here, wish you luck.

Dv

Some ways I can agree with what Divus says others I would qualify, For a start off you should always address me as 'Mr.' , except when using 'Sir'

Seriously, grammar is the study of what exists, not a set of made up rules that are 'right'. When someone speaks 'ungrammatically' they are using a different form of it from the formally accepted one, but it is not 'wrong' if their peers understand what they mean by it. On the other hand speech is transient, writing stays there to be looked over, so people tend to be much more critical of grammar that does not conform to the norms. The problem with that is that it tends to make a break in their reading, disturbs the flow, and stops them getting the idea you are trying to put across. Reading a book of grammar may not be the easiest way to absorb the conventionalrules, reading well written books you enjoy is probably easier.

Thanks Oily, you are correct. I take all comments with a grain of salt. After 10 years inside I've grew pretty thick skin. I've also realized comments from different parts of the world vary to that part of the world. Meaning certain things are accepted here but not across the the pond and vise versa. But again I thank you all.

If you are interested, however, I would recomend "Rediscover Grammar" by David Crystal ISBN. 0-582-84862-8. He includes sections on the way language is used in speech, national variations, and the 'leet speak' of electronic communication as well as the traditional 'recieved' English, and manages to keep it all in easily understood, bite sized, chunks, with a bit of fun a thrown in.