Thread: First Impressions

Understanding people can be very difficult at times. What makes them tick? Why do they seem angry? Why do they bully? Why do they lie? What little detail of their past has manifested itself in their personality? I try hard to ask myself these questions before I form opinions of others. It is not always easy.

I have to remind myself, over and over, to look past things that can get in the way of what could be a good relationship. I try to consider that an individual, who may seem to be a little rude, might be having a bad day. I shouldn’t take their current state-of-being personal. I would not have some of the good friends I have today had I let a first impression get in the way.

Another reason I try to do this is because I realize that people that I am meeting for the first time are getting a first impression of me as well. I don’t want them to see me as someone who comes off as anything other than who I really am. I know that I am not perfect, and I hope they understand that.

Almost four years ago I started a new job. I found most of my new coworkers to be friendly, and helpful. I am smart enough to know that a lot of that type of response is in direct relation to what is the “honeymoon period” of my working with them. Over time some of that will wear off, but that can be expected.

There was one individual whom I met that seemed very guarded. I tried hard to get to know her better by making small talk, and sharing things about my life. Although things did get a little better, they never were completely comfortable. Due to the number of people that I interact with on a daily basis; I wasn’t able to work as hard as I would have liked to on this relationship. I attempted to remain friendly, but moved on – trying to not take it personal.

Yesterday afternoon I was talking to this very individual about a project that I was working on. I mentioned that I was going to be on a leave from work for an extended period of time for medical treatment, and that I was trying to complete this project before I left. I then happened to mention the medical facility at which I was going to be treated. The response that I received from her provided me insight into her persona.

The mention of the name of the hospital where I was going to be receiving my treatment had obviously hit home with her. She told me that the hospital I would be going to is where her son had been treated for a serious medical condition. Then, through tear-filled-eyes, she said that he would have been 23 years old this year. As I listened to the details of the tragedy, I noticed this person’s hands were shaking. Aware of the obvious pain being relived, and how hard it must have been to talk about, I felt a strong amount of compassion for her. I felt awful for ever questioning what I saw as her personality flaws.

I know it has only been one day since I have become enlightened to the details of this person’s life, but I now see her in a different light. I now understand what was holding her back. I now can see why she may have been distant. I was right in not taking it personal, and I am glad I fought my natural instinct to hold a grudge.

I learned an important lesson in the events of the last couple of days. I can see how many people might think that lesson is: If you give people enough time they will come around. I kind of see it a little differently. I no longer see this person as someone who needs to change; what I saw as a standoffish personality was my own labeling of her for something I didn’t understand. I am the one who eventually came around.

I feel that this individual, and I, share a bond now. I think that it could have been a small conscious effort on her part to say: Here is why I am guarded – I know you are trying, so I wanted you to know.

I respect that, and I require no more.

This is a very nice piece ClosetWriter!

If I remember my freshman psyc class this is what's known as misatribution error. We used the example of getting mad at someone who cuts you off on the road, only to find out later they were rushing to the hospital.

If I were you, I would have gotten into the meat of the story a bit quicker. About the third paragraph I felt we were going too slow. I might even cut out paragraph 2 and 3, add a bit to the first to make it flow into paragraph 4, and then mix in the important parts of what you cut into the beginning of your anecdote.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this.

Originally Posted by Flapjack

This is a very nice piece ClosetWriter!

If I remember my freshman psyc class this is what's known as misatribution error. We used the example of getting mad at someone who cuts you off on the road, only to find out later they were rushing to the hospital.

If I were you, I would have gotten into the meat of the story a bit quicker. About the third paragraph I felt we were going too slow. I might even cut out paragraph 2 and 3, add a bit to the first to make it flow into paragraph 4, and then mix in the important parts of what you cut into the beginning of your anecdote.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this.

Thank you... I can see your point.

Wonderfully written piece CW.

I have to agree with Flapjack about perhaps removing paragraph 2 and 3 - you seemed to be placing a lot of emphasis on your personal reasoning, which I don't really think is required

The other thing I noticed, and perhaps it is said differently here in S.A., but we generally refer to "taking something personally" and not "taking something personal". I am not sure if it just a difference in language though

I love the emotion that you put into your stories. Keep it up!