Thread: You're a Good Man Steven Tyler

Note: For those who do not watch "American Idol" the incident I am referring to happened about 3 weeks ago.

Tuesday afternoon, while pulling onto M33 just north of town, something broke loose from my exhaust system. Many years ago that instant gut-wrenching sound of a pipe dragging on the road would have made me cringe with anxiety. The anxiety, first and foremost, would have been rooted in the fear of how I was going to pay for it, and secondly, in the fact that I was going to have to crawl under the car and rip my knuckles to shreds. Since we were only a short distance from a local service station, my wife and I decided to drive there to see if they could fix it.

While waiting for the verdict from the garage, I started to speak with an individual that worked there. I have known him and his step father for many years. I even worked with his stepfather for a short time. I mentioned to him, after he asked how I was doing, that I recently had cancer surgery. Before I had an opportunity to bask in the sympathy, of which I had grown accustomed to receiving over the last few months, he informed me that his stepfather had to have his colon removed about two-years ago because of cancer. He went on to add: he, still to this day, has a colonoscopy bag attached to him.

I instantly felt ashamed.

Last night, during the last few minutes of American Idol, they showed a segment on a contestant. The young man mentioned that he was engaged while displaying a ring he had on a chain around his neck. They then showed this beautiful, young, dark-haired girl with her arms around him in a picture. He continued: Two months after they become engaged she was in a very bad car accident. The next scene was a hard-to-watch clip of him, and his girlfriend’s mother, helping this once radiant young woman who was now a shaking, wheelchair-dependent individual who could barely communicate. He then said, “We are still engaged because what kind of man would I be if I left her when she needs me the most?” They wheeled the girl into the room, so the judges could meet her. Steven Tyler was the first out of his seat. He walked over to the girl, and got down on his knees; he leaned in, and gently kissed her on the cheek.

Both of these incidents made me reflect on the saying I heard many years ago: “I was sad because I had no shoes, and then I met a man who had no feet.”

All of us take things for granted every single day of our lives. Sometimes we think we need things that have no value other than fulfilling our own selfish desires. It is not for me to scold or judge others. Everyone must look closely at the person in the mirror, and judge themselves. As for me – “I’m ashamed.”

Beautifully written!

I love the message you've conveyed through your experiences. I conveyed a similar message in something that I wrote ages ago but do I keep that in mind and function in my daily life? Well I can't honestly answer that question and simultaneously not feel "ashamed".

The ending put a smile on my lips...I don't know why but I think it's because elegance makes me smile.

Sorry, but for me there was confusion. You were just north of what town? I've had some difficulty locating M33. The nearest numerically I've been able to find is M32, Hambrook to Eastville and beyond. Are you in Bristol? If so then 'just north of town would mean perhaps leaving Patchway, maybe passing through Woodhouse Down? Eliminate the confusion by saying what town, and being sure you have the Motorway number correct. The clearer the facts in your narrative, the stronger will be the impact your meaning will have on the reader. As 'tis, you could be anywhere between Land's End and Edinburgh.

I assume that 'American Idol' is a tv show, and by your use of the word 'contestant' I also assume it's some sort of game show. And Stephen Tyler obviously is the name of the young man engaged to the girl. But again all these assumptions that must be made by the reader weaken your message.

And do try to find a better way of expressing the central thought than with a time-worn cliché. Using such a badly overused expression further detracts.

Do a bit of a rewrite, making clear where you are and what you are discussing, and finding your own words to express what you want to say, and let us see the results.

Yes Garza, you are right; it should have been M32 – my mistake. Yes I am just on the outskirts of Bristol; “not far from Patchway” is correct. In fact, I have lived there going on twenty years now. Actually, though, it is just before Woodhouse Down which, and you are correct again, puts me right between Land’s End, and Edinburgh.

American Idol is indeed a TV show, and a game show as well. Yes indeed Steven Tyler is engaged to the young lady; which really surprised everyone. I am deeply sorry to say, however, “I” have to make an assumption about what "you" are referring to as a “time-worn cliché” since you didn’t make it clear. If you want to rephrase this, and send me another critique, then I can better do the rewrite you have requested. Then again, all of “your” assumptions seem to be spot-on.

Ha ha ha ha ha… sorry Garza; I am in a humorous mood today, and I thought I would have some fun with you. I hope you didn’t take “my” sarcasm too serious.

So my memory of motorways is not so faulty after all.

The time-worn cliché is the one that goes 'I was sad because I had no shoes...' That's one that should have been retired long ago.

And I don't understand your reference to sarcasm. The point of my comments was you need to make clear who, what, and where you are talking about. Remember you have people from all over the world reading these posts. You seem to have made your own assumption, that the people reading it watch U.S. television and would know who and what you were talking about. The people who watch U.S. television are a tiny minority of the world population.

Garza – I once read that a writer should always leave the obvious unaddressed. The reason, it said, is because your intended audience will feel alienated if they think that this information is not needed; then, surmising that the article is not meant for them. I am aware that this website reaches multiple cultures. However, by far, the majority of them needed no explanation about “American Idol;” or, Steven Tyler for that matter. Taking all of this into consideration I made a decision to not alienate the intended audience.

The road that I was turning on was really irrelevant to the story, but I still would like to explain to you why the town was not mentioned. We both know it is not wise to post too much information about yourself online. My original story mentioned the town, and the service station name that I went to for help with my car problem. Again, this was not integral to the stories main theme. For this reason, along with hoping to not give out too much information about myself, I removed it.

The emotion that I was trying to let the reader feel was that same emotion that I felt when I didn’t get the sympathy that I expected due to my battle with cancer. The use of the quote that you called a cliché was not because I was looking for any particular quote to use. I write what I feel, and think. The exact thing I thought of during each of those instances was that exact quote that I wrote. I didn’t claim it to be mine, but it is what was truly in my mind during my moments of shame. If I had used my own made up words it would not have been a true depiction of my experience.

It looks as though you are from Belize, and I know nothing about your country, or culture. However, your way of inferring that you went searching for the road that I mentioned, or making condescending references to towns, that I am pretty sure that you know I have never heard of, is considered sarcastic, and rude in my culture. In fact my response, acting as if I had knowledge of the towns you were mentioning, was also sarcastic. This is a method of getting back at someone that has been rude to you. I feel bad for doing it.

In closing, if you truly wanted to help, please let me help you understand what is considered polite in my culture. Despite what the world thinks about Americans, most of us try to be considerate, and polite to others. It would have been much more appropriate to have just pointed out what you saw as missing in my story, and not use references to immaterial locations in a matter that comes off as pretentious.

Please forgive me if this was not your intention, but being unaware of your culture your technique was lost on me.

You have jumped to all the wrong conclusions. I was sincere in trying to establish venue. Your reference to M33 naturally made me think of an English motorway, so I went looking for an M33 in England, could not find one, and took my best guess that perhaps M33 was as spur of M32. If being curious about the details of your story is defined as 'sarcasm' in your dictionary, you need a new dictionary. I do not practise sarcasm. It is childish.

If you take my efforts to understand what you wrote as rude, then I apologise. I never meant them to be so. You might consider not being so quick to take offence at sincere efforts made to understand you and what you want to say.

Garza – After corresponding with you for a bit, I do believe that you are trying to be sincere. I honestly don’t believe that you understand the tone of how you write. Here is an example of what I mean – it is really quite ironic:

“If being curious about the details of your story is defined as 'sarcasm' in your dictionary, you need a new dictionary. I do not practise sarcasm. It is childish.”

This statement, in itself, is sarcastic in nature, but if you can’t see that then I must consider it is a cultural issue.

I accept your apology, and honestly hope that you understand what I am saying. Remember, I can’t see your facial expressions, or body language when you are critiquing my story. Just as you asked me to give more detail it is even more important for you to give detail with your response, so I can understand the context in which you are responding.

So let’s do this: Do a bit of a rewrite, making clear the tone, so that the overall context is not interpreted as being sarcastic; clear up what you want to say, and let us see the results.

Ha ha ha – sorry Garza. I hope you have a sense of humor. After looking death in the face so many times over the past two years, I decided I need to open up about things that I now see more clearly. Not understanding each other causes most of the problems in the world. When we break things down we can see why people can form unflattering views of others. What we just went through here is a good example of this.


Dave

1. I have friends in the UK and I'm familiar with the road numbering system there. When you mention a road marked M33 it's natural for me to assume it means Motorway 33. I wanted to get a feeling for where you were talking about, so I started looking for M33. I spent over an hour with maps and road charts, and finally decided 'north of town', since you did not specify a town, must mean north of Bristol. If you look at a map you will see the communities I mentioned are just north of Bristol. I apologise for mis-interpreting M33. I do not yet know what or where M33 is.

2. I do not have a tv. From context I guessed that 'American Idol' is a tv show, probably originating in the U.S. My assumption about the contestant you named likewise was made from context. I apologise for making any wrong assumptions about the show, if indeed my assumptions were wrong.

3. There is no deliberate sarcasm in that last remark. I am sorry you see it that way. I was surprised that my efforts to understand your post were twisted so badly as to be seen somehow as sarcasm, so perhaps the statement is a bit caustic, though I would not classify it as sarcastic. In my first post I was honestly trying to understand your point, based on too little information. I apoloise for trying to understand what you were trying to say and getting it wrong.

Sorry Garza. I didn't realize that you didn't have a TV. I guess I felt like you were being a bit snobbish since you jumped right in to the critique without really introducing yourself, or your unique perspective.

Just for fun, I just looked up how far the American Idol show reaches, and it appears it is on in 154 countries, so you can see my reason for disbelief when you said you needed more information about it. It actual started in the UK.

I look forward to talking to you again.

^ As a variation of the statement you quoted, "I was sad because I had no cable, and then I met a man who had no TV."

Kidding aside, I really think this was a beautifully-written text. Sometimes, you think life is so hard on you, until you see another person with a much more difficult situation and realize that in fact, you are blessed. I just had the great opportunity to listen to Bill Wilson this Sunday, and he was talking about the harsh, harsh conditions in the many different parts of the world that make the problems I'm having right now look like a walk in the park.

Truly, my thanks for this text you have posted.

That is funny Fuhrer, and very appropriate.

Thank you - I had hoped "that" simple message would be felt by those who read this. I honestly caught myself feeling a sense of entitlement. I stopped speaking in mid sentence (while talking to the young man at the service station) because it dawned on me what his stepfather was going through. I had been grumbling to my wife about having a catheter, for 10 days, while this man is prisoner to a colonoscopy bag the rest of his life.