We all use language in strange ways. Take the Far Frozen North, for example, where people park in the driveway and drive in the parkway. And look at the difference a single letter can make. An automobile with a retractable top is a drophead coupé. The end of Charles I was a drophead coup.
Then there is the matter of what we euphemistically call 'adult language', by which we mean the words used in a conversation between two ten-year-olds, one afflicted with potty mouth and the other suffering an advanced case of gutter mouth.
We all use those words, of course. I've spent years and years in the company of soldiers, sailors, merchant mariners, and worst of all, other journalists. When talking to myself I tend to out potty and out gutter any assortment of 10-year-old foul mouths you care to assemble.
In a bar on a Saturday night, over a stout in company with other degenerate wire-service hacks, I have been known to display fluent command of 'adult language' and provide the company with jokes well calculated to make old Billy himself blush with shame.
But in the company of people who do not approve of foul language, in the company of strangers, and in the company of children, I put a cap on it.
There is, of course, a type of adult language which can be used anywhere, anytime, in any company. One of my favourite examples is the old Frank Sinatra standard, 'Fly Me to the Moon'. For those experienced in space travel the words hold a great deal of meaning. For younger kids and elderly spinster aunts it's just a nice song. Boring, perhaps, but okay.
My grandfather was a master of the polite curse. He grew up in Belfast, and early on learned how to tell a British soldier to his face what he thought of him and be safely tucked up at home by the time the bloke had worked out the insult.
So if you happen to hear me tell someone 'sure an' ye must be the pride of your dear mother's life, lookin' as ye do to be the pick of the litter', then you'll know I'm using 'adult language'.



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