Thread: Short but sweet- Full circle

Twenty eight years ago I awoke in a darkened room covered in my own vomit and knowing that I had honestly escaped the boney clutch of deaths hand. My so-called friends had put me in this room when it became apparent that I was overdosing on magic mushrooms. That was six or eight hours before and the duration of the overdose was medley of hallucinigenic horror in which I sa myself murdered, watching my world melt with such sureality that I was sure it was real.

As I regained my strength I found the courage to leave the house and walked for approximately five miles to my home in the country where woke my Mother and confessed my sins

Recovering was a difficult road and though I never played with chemicals again I did stumble a few times and during my journey I was sure that I was losing my mind. Sleep rarely came without night terrors and flashbacks.

Flash forward 28 years. Having sworn off drug use I enlisted in the military and raised a family. My life experience assured me that I was prepared to keep my children from repeating the mistakes I made.

Eight months ago I went to a house and found my middle son there. When he came out I told him to hop in my car. He was wasted. We drove to a lot away from the drug house and tearfully I told him that I could not live knowing that he was killing himself with drugs and alcohol.

I took him to a detox centre and after eight hours he was admitted. His recovery was not without pitfalls, he has been clean for four months. Everyday I live in fear he will relapse. I never thought this could happen to him, I thought I knew better.

I was wrong.

The journey continues..

Wow, that is rough. I cannot even imagine.

On the plus side I am sure there is an intriguing story there. Maybe even a father son project?

Write your story and have him write his (when he is ready) who knows could prove interesting

Hi MJ,

Nice open and honest write.

The book I hope to write has much to do with addiction.

I hope and pray that your dear son will develop healthy ways to stimulate his dopamines and feel good.

Thanks for the read and best wishes,

Ian

You are not alone MJ. Many of us struggle with the agony of a loved one who is lost to the world of addiction. In my case, it is also a son. My heart breaks for you, as I know exactly what you are going through.

I have never taken an hallucinogenic drug in my life - except for alcohol.

Drugs have always scared me. My mother had lived in London through the War and had become addicted to sleeping pills. One night after she had taken her 'regular' sleep inducer, she woke up before the dawn and took another more powerful tablet. She went to sleep soon enough and never woke up again. My father had woken up next to a comatose wife and despite whatever he did as a trained policeman, she was already on her way. That was a powerful deterrent to me and my brothers never to use chemicals.

Nevertheless I must confess to having drunk too much especially in my middle years. There were occasions when I over indulged and lost control. Thinking back I wonder just why I had done it. Luckily too much alcohol makes you sick. It leaves you unsteady on your feet. You forget what happened whilst you were under the influence. In my case the effect was usually to free up my tongue and I would say what I was actually thinking at the time. I insulted, I offended, I swore. The brakes of self censorship would be off. I lost out in personal relationships many a time.

But I still wonder to this day if I could have coped with my lifestyle of the time without alcohol. I was earning good money. I was living high on the hog. With the help of alcohol I survived in a highly competitive business environment. Luckily I never became addicted. I could turn away from the bottle. Grduallyas I aged, I began to 'lose my bottle' and now I do not have the courage I once had. The adrenaline does not kick in as once it did. I have become hesitant to take risk. I am told this is part of the ageing process but I know deep down that it is also because my alcohol consumption is a fraction of what it once was.

All I do know is that unless you seek out the fundamental causes of the mind's inner demons, you'll not curb the mind's need to let go. The brain can switch off the body's physical reactions by inducing tension and fear but it can't redirect the mind without help. The mind doesn't need the muscles, the tendons, the ligaments even the balancing mechanisms but it does need to be free from the oppression.

An alcoholic name Loch once helped me more than he knew. He told me that when he was drinking, his horse would not talk to him and would move away to the back of the stable when it smelt his breath. He said without the horse's disapproval he could never have gone on the wagon. It hurt him to be rejected by an animal.

MJP, I don't know if this article helps but writing it has certainly helped me. As I have expressed more than once, writing is cathartic.

B G