Thread: My Country… (800 words)

I had been working at the word processor in my new studio, on the rear corner of the house. Through one window, when I wanted a brief break as I sought out a word in my mind, I could watch myriad varieties of birds in the trees. Through the other, there was a choice of cloud formations or cattle, on which to ponder.

And just occasionally, on days like today, when the clouds rolled in from the south, there was the soothing sound of rain in the background. Did I say soothing? I had become aware of a loud splashing noise, like water spilling from a broken piece of guttering. But I knew the gutters were in good shape. So what was the source of this noise?

To answer this, I must firstly give you a brief climatology lesson and also take you a little way back in time.

People living in wetter parts of the world, like England or North America, probably have little or no understanding of our proprietorial attitudes towards water. If you are one of those, you will just have to accept what follows.

Australia is the driest continent on Earth. With few mountains causing air masses to rise and form into clouds, rain is a chance occurrence. And with the el Nino pattern in full swing over the Pacific there’d been even less moist air arriving over our dry land. So we’d experienced a prolonged drought. This in turn brought severe restrictions on the use of water.

To counter some of the problems this caused for our exotic trees and shrubs, and in the absence of rainwater storage tanks, I devised a method of harvesting the rain that fell on the roof, and directing it to the garden. Most of such rain is normally wasted, from the point of view of the individual householder, by either being directed on to the ground in places where it is neither needed nor wanted, or by being channelled into underground drains that eventually empty somewhere else.

My system changes all that.

You might call it weird, to look at. It didn’t matter; it worked. And every little bit helped, given our prolonged dry spells.

In brief, I tapped into a down-pipe (Amer. downspout), connected a 75-foot length of three-quarter inch diameter garden hose that could be laid anywhere in the yard, and, in a cunning C-shaped diversion around that connection, partially blocked off the down-pipe.

But wait, there’s more.

To make allowance for leaves flushed off the roof, that would otherwise block the hose junction, I made a sump, or pan, in the space created by the C and beneath the junction. The leaves would fall into this sump, which from time to time could be emptied simply by unscrewing a 4-inch cover plate, attached horizontally to the side of the sump.

The first time I cleaned out this sump, it never occurred to me there might be water held back behind the 'logjam' of leaves. So I had merrily unscrewed the cover plate and the leaves spewed out, followed by maybe 2 gallons of water hitting me fair in the chest with the speed of an express train.

Okay, now we’re up to date.

Where were we? Oh, yes, the loud splashing noise. From my window, I could see the gutter was overflowing. I could also see the end of the hosepipe and observed there was only a trickle coming out. Apparently my jerry-built irrigation system was blocked. It seemed I needed to empty the leaves again.

You’ll recall I said Australia is the driest continent. Well, the present weather pattern gives the lie to that. And with the rain forecast to continue non-stop until Christmas Eve, I decided immediate attention to the problem was indicated. Fortunately the downpour eased off slightly as I sallied forth.

I remembered my past drenching from the backed-up water...

I unscrewed the sump cover plate, s-l-o-w-l-y.

Water oozed out around the edge. Eventually it eased to a trickle. I pulled the cover away. Leaves, from arsehole to breakfast-time. I began hooking them out with a stick . . . . .

F*****CK.

The densely packed leaves had been holding back even more water. A four inch wide column, stretching all the way back up the down-pipe to the gutter. Twenty two feet long, in total.

That was why the gutter had been overflowing. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

It worked out to 12 gallons of f*cking rainwater.


And it all hit me fair in the f*cking chest again.




My Country ~ Dorothea Mackellar, 1904

“I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges, of droughts and flooding rains”


I hate Australia.

I'm laughing at the picture of all that water catching you twice. Sorry, I know it wasn't funny at the time, but, twice? I had trouble picturing the method of catching the leaves, but I'm sure it's just me. I have always had trouble picturing anything mechanical. Hey, I'm a woman, what more can you say?

Originally Posted by Gumby

I'm laughing at the picture of all that water catching you twice. Sorry, I know it wasn't funny at the time, but, twice? I had trouble picturing the method of catching the leaves, but I'm sure it's just me. I have always had trouble picturing anything mechanical. Hey, I'm a woman, what more can you say?

You had trouble picturing it? Join the club. I had trouble writing it. This little exercise taught me the tremendous difficulty of describing in words alone anything that really needs a picture. I think there's a lesson there. I shall avoid all such situations in my writing in future.

Haha. Oh Ox, don't hate. Isn't it fun to live in a land where weather is a high commodity? It's a constant source of very dull conversation for those of us unfortunate enough to work in customer service.

As to the writing, I never need much visual direction when I read, so that didn't bother me. I do think your tense in this makes it a bit awkward though. I'd go through and make it all present tense.

Originally Posted by Like a Fox

I do think your tense in this makes it a bit awkward though. I'd go through and make it all present tense.

I'd had some thoughts about this while writing it. I couldn't see how I could easily do what you suggested, but then I had another look (I sound like Eddie McGuire on Millionaire) and decided perhaps there were a few existing present tense bits that would be better if they were changed to past.

I think problems like this are caused by writing and posting all in one breath. Everything, even stuff like this, should cure for at least a few days. I'll know better next time (says he in almost the same breath as writing something on the fly and chucking it straight at Workshop).

I think present tense will work better with the conversational tone and lessons than anything else. And god damn you use past-perfect a lot. Those hads haunt me in my sleep. Haha.

Here's the intro in present:

While working at the word processor in my new studio, on the rear corner of the house. Through one window, when I want a brief break as I search for a word in my mind, I can watch myriad varieties of birds in the trees. Through the other, there's a choice of cloud formations or cattle, on which to ponder.

And just occasionally, on days like today, when the clouds roll in from the south, there is the soothing sound of rain in the background. Did I say soothing? I become aware of a loud splashing noise, like water spilling from a broken piece of guttering. But I know the gutters are in good shape. So what's the source of this noise?


I dunno. Probably just being pig headed. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe I too am now guilty of typing randomly and hitting Post and hoping it makes sense... (hits post)

Originally Posted by Like a Fox

And god damn you use past-perfect a lot. Those hads haunt me in my sleep. Haha.

That's funny. And here I'm replying without even going back to the OP to check. But I've been conscious of hads for yonks, ever since Chris Miller and JoeB picked me up about it, so if as you say there's any here they must be for a reason. Too effing late for my tired old mind right now. I'll have a look on the morrow. Thanks.

I'd had some thoughts about this while writing it. I couldn't see how I could easily do what you suggested, but then I had another look (I sound like Eddie McGuire on Millionaire) and decided perhaps there were a few existing present tense bits that would be better if they were changed to past

Haha you even use them in posts.

Originally Posted by Like a Fox

Haha you even use them in posts.

There's a couple of ways I might respond to this. One of them is that they exist - even to the point grammarians have created a name for them -past perfect - so they must have a purpose.

Yeah. But they're to be used sparingly, I think. Simplify my friend.
Your meaning isn't changed if you were to say:

I had some thoughts about this...

Rather than I'd had some thoughts etc.

It gives a slightly different idea of time. But I don't think it's necessary.
Either way you had them.

Okay.

Some parts of North America are similar. Where I live may well have less annual rainfall than where you live...and people have evolved many techniques of conserving the water. One I observed that is similar to your employed removable filters from a commercial clothes dryer. One would remove the filters and the leaves would come along.
Have you dried out yet?

Originally Posted by moderan

Some parts of North America are similar. Where I live may well have less annual rainfall than where you live...and people have evolved many techniques of conserving the water. One I observed that is similar to your employed removable filters from a commercial clothes dryer. One would remove the filters and the leaves would come along.
Have you dried out yet?

More or less. Keep getting wet again. We are allowed to use a hose attached to the main supply only during certain hours, and if rain coincides with those hours it's not all that unusual to be watering during a downpour, to get the best of both worlds.